I am going to start this post with a short video. You may have even seen it before but it shows how powerful your words are and how important it is to formulate what you want to say in the best way possible. It is less than 2 minutes and VERY powerful!

 
Are you wondering what that has to do with me and Ole? Everything!

We talked to each other a lot. We would ALWAYS end our day with a good talk in bed. We would connect each night this way on what happened and how we were feeling about what was going on in our lives.

Was this important? YOU BET! There are far too many couples that lose touch with each other because they don’t talk. They let the kids, their jobs, the families, their hobbies, their friends, and all the other things life consists of get in the way of being CONNECTED and TOGETHER. 

Just because 2 people live together does not mean they are communicating on a regular basis. Oh sure they do the “How was your day? What did you do? Did you pick up the milk? Will you get the kids today?” And so it goes. 

But they never get into the meat and potatoes of their relationship and find out what is happening in their hearts, minds and souls. This is where relationships are built and this is where a relationship grows stronger.

Think back to this little video you just watched. What did you FEEL when you watched it? Take a minute and do this. You might find out you haven’t been checking in with yourself either. So take a minute and think about what you felt as you watched this video.

I have watched this video several times and I get teary each time. The Power of Words….amazing isn’t it!

Maybe the reason why it touches me so deeply is because I know my words were not always so kind. I know I have hurt people deeply with things I have said in the heat of a moment. And once those words are expressed, there is no going back. You can apologize as many times as you want but the words still hang in the air. Even if the person you said them to forgives and forgets, you never do.

What I am suggesting is just be aware of how you talk to each other and other people in general. Notice the tone of your voice and the words you use. You can still ask your sweetheart, “How are you?”. But the way you ask will give it a whole new meaning showing them that you are truly interested in what their answer will be.

Choose your words wisely. They are the building blocks to a romantic, wonderful life with your partner that you never dreamed possible. Make sure the words you use come from your heart and not that place where you think “This is what they want to hear.”…because that place is empty. Those words hold no weight and can be blown away along with your sincerity and the trust of your partner.

The Power of Words! Words can destroy quicker than the blink of an eye. But just by taking a second to think before you speak, your words can also build a beautiful, loving amazing experience.

Passionate regards….Brenda

Do you remember the kids rhyme ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but names can never hurt me’? Remember your Mom telling you to say that when the other kids were teasing you? I always felt like I had so much control saying those words but afterwards, I would hear their taunts over and over. And those words cut deep.

This was a huge lesson in our couples seminar. We said that over time, you will forget how much the physical pain hurt. Think about it! The last time you stubbed your toe or hit your elbow, it hurt like hell. You know it did but you can not actually FEEL that pain right now as you remember the incident.

But think about the last time someone stabbed your heart with words. You can feel that pain as real right now as it was when it happened. Words and names CAN hurt you over and over again.

I remember one day when I was around 13 or 14 years old. I don’t if it was teenage hormones or what but just as we were sitting down to eat supper my Dad said to me, “Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud.” It was within context to the conversation that was rolling around the table. He didn’t say it to be mean or hurtful. My Dad wasn’t like that.

But like I say, it could have been teenage hormones and I lost it. I got upset, started crying and stormed off to my room. I can still see my poor Pop. He was totally shocked, bewildered and confused as to what just happened. And there was no way I could have explained it to him as I didn’t know myself.

I know there are times when something is said and it is taken totally out of context. The meaning and manner is totally misunderstood. Friend A says something and only meant it in fun while Friend B takes it at face value and feels the sting of the words deep in their being.

The worst part is, that when this happens, Friend B gets angry and decides not to talk with Friend A again. The hurt Friend A delivered was too much and Friend B will with-hold their friendship to get back at them for saying such a nasty thing. At least until they get an appology from Friend A.

In this case, Friend A probably doesn’t even know they said something wrong. Then they get confused about why Friend B is avoiding them. Then they get angy and won’t call Friend B until they warm up and call first. Nasty cycle to get into.

But there are times when a sting is delivered to hurt. There are times when two people are arguing and they say nasty things, hurtful things, things that could destroy the relationship they have with each other.

Ole and I never called each other names. We never belittled each other when we were arguing. We never put blame on the other or pointed the finger. God’s honest truth! We argued but not to hurt the other. We argued our point, our belief or to find resolution to a problem.

I am not a pyschologist and can not begin to understand why people do this. Ole and I had our ups and downs but he was the man I loved and wanted to spend forever with. It made no sense to me to attack him in such a way. It made no sense to me to make him feel less-than or to put the blame on him for our problems. We both felt this way. We just didn’t see that this was useful in our marriage.

Sure we teased each other. But there is a line between teasing and saying something nasty with a smile to rub an open wound with a little bit of salt. And if a misunderstanding arose, we delt with it right then and there. Or at least when we were alone with each other to discuss freely what happened.

These days, we hear so much about Law of Attraction and your thoughts create your life. But maybe we forget this includes what we say too. We hear so much about we have to be aware what we put into our mouths when we eat but we should pay just as much attention to what comes out of our mouths when we speak.

“When you talk you get understanding, and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.”                                         - Ole Poulsen 1973-2006

Be kind in your words, deeds and actions. Life is short.

Passionate regards….Brenda