People get really nervous at the thought of changes in their lives. Who would I be if I changed this and that about myself? How would other people react to me after I change? What else will change in my life if I …? Why should I change? If the other person would only change then things would be much better.

We heard this in our seminars and many times when I was a hairdresser. I had clients tell me that their future husband will change. They know their man won’t drink so much, hit them anymore, stop screwing around with other people after the wedding. They know their future wife will get better handling money, quite being so angry, treat them better after they are married.

What a load of hogwash. Just because a person gets married does not mean they WILL change. Marriage does not wash a couple in magic dust and proclaim, “Now you are husband and wife. You will drop all your bad, annoying, nasty, unfaithful habits and live happily-ever-after.”

I told my clients straight out that there was no way this person was going to become their ideal mate just because you will have the big white wedding. If nothing else, the habits will show up more.

Ole and I always taught the people at our seminars that if the love in your relationship hurts, maybe you are not in the right relationship. We didn’t mean these people should split up but they did have a choice.

As a couple, they could choose to work on the dark side of themselves and become a more loving partner to each other or they could talk about the consequences of staying the same as they are now.

Of course there were things both Ole and I wanted the other to change when we got married. Some things were small and some things not so small. For instance, I hate when someone chews with their mouth open. Drives me crazy. And Ole would do that. He was loving enough and could see this could turn into a REAL issue if he continued, so he quit. Thank heavens

It drove him crazy I could not focus on one topic for very long. When we would be working on something, I would think of something else and jump up to go do it. It could have been the laundry, make a cake, call a friend. He would get so upset with me that I would not just do the work at hand.

I made a concentrated effort to focus myself on whatever project we were working on at the moment. Even if that meant we agreed to a specific amount of time we would work,  I was committed to the project and him. I was willing to change to have a better life with Ole.

I have seen some of these silly reality shows where they do some big transformation of a person and take them from a street urchin to a princess. What I always found strange was that there were so many that said “I am not changing for anyone. If they don’t like me, too bad for them.” Why did they come on this show then if they didn’t want to change?

When it comes to bettering yourself and especially a change that could make your relationship more peaceful and loving, why wouldn’t you change?

Change has a bad reputation. People are afraid of change because they don’t know what will happen next. But what if the changes bring more love, peace and joy in your relationship. Wasn’t it worth it?

I was reading my journal from when we were first married. I laughed at the silly little things we did and thought about how much we both had changed in our 9 years together. We always looked for ways to grow personally and together as a couple. 

Embrace the changes in yourself. There is a certain excitement that comes with those changes. Be the best you can be! As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

And remember, this is VERY important, You Only Have the Power To Change Yourself and No One Else.

Go for it!

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOUR WORLD!

Passionate regards….Brenda