I am going to start this post with a short video. You may have even seen it before but it shows how powerful your words are and how important it is to formulate what you want to say in the best way possible. It is less than 2 minutes and VERY powerful!

 
Are you wondering what that has to do with me and Ole? Everything!

We talked to each other a lot. We would ALWAYS end our day with a good talk in bed. We would connect each night this way on what happened and how we were feeling about what was going on in our lives.

Was this important? YOU BET! There are far too many couples that lose touch with each other because they don’t talk. They let the kids, their jobs, the families, their hobbies, their friends, and all the other things life consists of get in the way of being CONNECTED and TOGETHER. 

Just because 2 people live together does not mean they are communicating on a regular basis. Oh sure they do the “How was your day? What did you do? Did you pick up the milk? Will you get the kids today?” And so it goes. 

But they never get into the meat and potatoes of their relationship and find out what is happening in their hearts, minds and souls. This is where relationships are built and this is where a relationship grows stronger.

Think back to this little video you just watched. What did you FEEL when you watched it? Take a minute and do this. You might find out you haven’t been checking in with yourself either. So take a minute and think about what you felt as you watched this video.

I have watched this video several times and I get teary each time. The Power of Words….amazing isn’t it!

Maybe the reason why it touches me so deeply is because I know my words were not always so kind. I know I have hurt people deeply with things I have said in the heat of a moment. And once those words are expressed, there is no going back. You can apologize as many times as you want but the words still hang in the air. Even if the person you said them to forgives and forgets, you never do.

What I am suggesting is just be aware of how you talk to each other and other people in general. Notice the tone of your voice and the words you use. You can still ask your sweetheart, “How are you?”. But the way you ask will give it a whole new meaning showing them that you are truly interested in what their answer will be.

Choose your words wisely. They are the building blocks to a romantic, wonderful life with your partner that you never dreamed possible. Make sure the words you use come from your heart and not that place where you think “This is what they want to hear.”…because that place is empty. Those words hold no weight and can be blown away along with your sincerity and the trust of your partner.

The Power of Words! Words can destroy quicker than the blink of an eye. But just by taking a second to think before you speak, your words can also build a beautiful, loving amazing experience.

Passionate regards….Brenda

We all tell Little White Lies…I didn’t eat the last piece of cake….I sent the cheque last week….I think you look great in neon pink. The list is long and the reasons many why we tell them.

For the most part, there are really only 2 reasons why we tell them. The first being is we don’t want to get into trouble so the Little White Lie will save us or at least buffer the blow. SO we think!

The second is so we don’t hurt someone’s  feelings. As honorable as this is, it really is not a good strategy. Somehow it seems that this Little White Lie comes back to bite you in the ass.

Both reasons are pretty lame. I know I would rather hear the truth. If I value your opinion enough that I would ask you what you think, then I can expect nothing less than the truth. If I want a sugar coated response, then I wouldn’t ask. I can make that up myself to make me feel okay with my decision.

One of the things we would hear in our seminars comes from couples with money issues. One is a spender and one is a saver, just like Ole and I were. Can you guess which I was?;-) But the thing is, I NEVER told Ole anything but the truth when he would ask what I spent. I might hedge a little but the truth would come out.

I mean, he would have found out anyway and then it would have caused a bigger problem in our relationship of trust issues. So why not be up front and face the music? Made more sense to me and Ole.

Not only that, if one of us went and spent a lot of money (that we probably didn’t have to spend), we would have talked about it first. Absolutely, there was the possibility of us disagreeing on the subject. But we talked about it first. And there were times when we would agree to disagree but the money was still spent…or not.

What I am trying to say here is that to hide stuff from each other does not empower your relationship. You are building on shaky ground. EVERY relationship needs a firm foundation to build on. If you build on Little White Lies or Big Out and Out Lies, you will have nothing more than a house built of straw. One strong wind and your relationship goes *POOF*.

Truth and trust are foundations for EVERY relationship that you will ever have in your life.

I had a very close friend growing up and we would go shopping. I can remember one day we were trying on clothes and Janice would critique what I tried and I would do the same.

Our comments weren’t sugar coated. If I thought she looked pregnant in the skirt, I told her. If she thought I looked like a big, green balloon in the dress, she told me. And as we were laughing and shopping a sales clerk was listening to us. Finally she asked, “Do you two shop together often?” We laughed even harder and said all the time.

The sales clerk was a little shocked I think because we did give an honest opinion to each other. Not a hurtful opinion but truthful in all good fun. Maybe the people she was used to would offer the ‘you look great in neon pink’ answers.

It was the same for Ole and I. I love hats. I have bought many and worn few. When Ole and I would go out shopping, I would try on hats. Some for shock value and to make him laugh and others I really liked. He would just shake his head and tell me, “You should NEVER wear a hat.”

I loved him for his honesty. That one was of the most endearing traits about him that I fell in love with. I always knew Ole would tell me the truth and exactly what he thought. He was never mean, crass or rude to get his point across. But his truthful nature was loved and appreciated.

I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 sister so I learned about saving my own ass early. I told many a Little White Lies in my youth. But meeting Ole changed all that. Not over night but it didn’t take long. I learned that the truth was the only way to go. Made our lives a lot simpler and we had a very strong foundation in our relationship.

Take responsibility for yourself. 100%! If you make a mistake, so be it. To admit your short-comings is a strength that only true leaders have. To error is human.

And that’s the truth!

Passionate regards….Brenda

“Trust is the basis of harmony…the basis of friendship”. The Dalai Lama said this at Engage Today 2009. Do you think that’s true?

Ole and I had a REALLY special relationship. People would make comments about our relationship all the time. But I will tell you…the foundation of our relationship was TRUST.

We owned a hair salon for a few years just outside Calgary, AB. This particular day, Ole was in the shop and I had clients I was working on as well as people that were walking in to make appointments. Ole was helping with the phone and talking to the walk-ins.

One of the women in the shop was watching him while I was busy with another client. She was waiting for her color to finish processing and was just observing the activities in the salon.

Then Ole had to step out for a minute and she said to me, “He doesn’t even SEE the other women. He looks at them but no different than he looks at anyone else. Then he looks at you….you are so lucky.”

She continued, “He loves you so much. He would NEVER stray from you.”

She was absolutely right on both observations. I was blessed with a man like Ole. And I KNEW he would NEVER cheat on me. And he KNEW the same about me. He was the only man in my life. The only man I wanted.

I never felt jealous when Ole talked with women or worried that they were younger, prettier, smarter, more successful or any other reason why his eyes may wander. We trusted each other. That was our foundation.

Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing. And that goes for ANY relationship. If you can’t trust your friend to keep their word, how often will you turn to that person for help or to keep your secret? I would guess, not very often.

In a relationship you have to have a strong foundation, one that is built on trust. You don’t build a house from the roof down. You dig the basement and lay the foundation to make the house strong to be able to last over the years of sun and rain and storms and to keep your family safe.

I know it is a common analogy but it is the truth. Trust is the foundation to build all your relationships on.

I da’ know…I mean I am guessing here but perhaps, maybe, is that why divorce rates are so high? Just a guess is all.

Building on trust will give you security, friendship, and peace of mind. Makes sense to start building your relationship there doesn’t it?

Trust is the foundation to a great relationship.

Trust me !-)

Passionate Regards…Brenda