“Because that is what love does,” answered Papa.

I am loving this book ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I had yet another aha moment when I was reading the other day. This is a wonderful book I tell ya!

I got shivers up my spine when I read that line. I keep writing here how people saw the love Ole and I shared. I keep telling you how we would do anything for each other. I had a relationship of unconditional love with Ole “because that is what love does.”

I knew we loved each other heart and soul but until I read that line I really could not have told you why or how. Now I can.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

I have told you that we had a perfect relationship. I have never said we didn’t argue or get angry with each other. We are real people in a real world with real trials and triumphs. But our love was perfect because that is what love does.

I believe in our society we have many broken people. Okay, maybe more bruised and beat up. We grow up with our bruised and battered ideas of what a perfect relationship would look like, feel like. We have our fantasies of the perfect lover, husband or wife.

Then we meet that person that resembles our fantasy lover and we say YES! Dreams do come true. But when the veil of ‘new love’ is lifted and the real world starts to pounce on our perfect relationship. Then the dreams and fantasies are punished, caged or slaughtered and the love dies. Or what we thought was love.

It never happened with Ole and me. When we were married, a friend of Ole’s said to me that even if we get 5 good years together, at least we had that. There was no way I was getting married for just 5 good years. Neither was Ole. We were in this for the long haul, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Even when we were arguing, we still loved each other. There were times in the early days when we had many arguments that I would think I could not continue. But then I would think of the alternative of living without Ole….I would cry so hard. I could not imagine my life without him. I would sob almost as hard as I did when he died. So we woke up the next day and moved forward. I said FORWARD not on. We delt with our problems and grew in our love for each other.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

♥Love is forgiveness. If you hold on to the hurts there is no room for love. I was famous for holding a grudge when I was young. Hurt my feelings and I didn’t talk to you for years. Ole made me see how stupid that really was. I can’t give you specifics how he made me see that just that loving him did open my eyes.

I had put all my hurt in a cage and shut the door so it could never get out. The hurt would just sit in there and howl and bang on the walls in the very depths of my being. How could there be room for love in there? I had to open the door and let it out and move forward.

♥ Love is acceptance. We don’t all think alike and thank heavens for that. If you talked to any of my or Ole’s childhood friends, they would say the same about both of us. We were both different than the rest. The friends we had, the families we grew up in….we thought and were different from them.

In that difference we both saw a wonderful loving being in each other. I didn’t want Ole to change. Okay, I wanted him to chew with his mouth closed and put the toilet lid down. But other than that, I loved who he was and how he thought. He was the most wonderful man I have EVER met.

♥ Love is allowing. Allow the other person to be who they really are. We hide behind so many masks. We have the mask of mother, father, friend, daughter, son, employer, employee, baker, jailer, lover, alcoholic, abuser, slut… The list is endless and we choose at any given moment what mask is needed for any given situation.

We wear the masks because we are afraid. We are afraid that if people saw or knew the real person inside, maybe we would be rejected, ridiculed, abused or judged. But maybe we would really be loved, accepted and adored.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Open the cages in your soul and let the pain and hurt escape. Put away your masks and allow the beauty of your true self to shine. Revel in your different-ness and allow other people the same courtesy.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have been reading ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I am not a religious person but my sister-in-law sent it to me and I am always open to reading a good story. To tell you the truth I have been a little surprised by this book. The insights he comes up with are fascinating.

The one that really struck me yesterday when I was reading was that woman had to be hidden in man and at the right time removed from man. This was to create the circle of relationship between men and women. If woman did not come from man and had the ability to birth all, she would be all powerful over man. “We want male and female to be counterparts, face-to-face equals, each unique and different, distinctive in gender but complementary, and each empowered uniquely…”

How beautiful is that! Like I said, great insights.

Farther in the book, he goes on to say, “It’s simple, Mack. It’s all about relationships and simply sharing life….and being open and available to others around us….life is all about relationships.”

I almost cried when I read this. Ya know, people would always comment on Ole and I and how great we were together. As true as I am writing this, people always noticed the love and the strength in our relationship. And this is exactly what it is all about.

Being open and available to the people around us.

Ole and I were always there for each other. We shared life with each other. When we first met we would talk on the phone at least once a day and sometimes two for an hour at a time. He would call me in Yukon, Canada or I would call him in Denmark. Neither place had any kind of long distance plans but it didn’t matter. It would have been worse to not talk than have the money we spent on phone bills.

And after we were together and married, we were always there for each other. If he needed help with collecting firewood, I would go. It was wonderful being out there with him. If I needed help in my salon, he would come and wash hair and answer phones.

I was learning how to apply fake nails made from linen. I need a hand to practice on. Ole was there for me. It was not a manly thing to do, having false nails put on. But it didn’t bother him. We had more fun doing silly things than I can tell. We were both open to try and experience new things with each other.

There is NOTHING we would not have done for each other.

We had a great relationship because we were available to each other, open and honest and most of all, LOVING. I miss those moments of sharing, exploring, being available and loving. Thank heavens I have my memories.

Just imagine for a minute if your closest friend was never available to you. You didn’t go out to lunch together. She didn’t have time to talk your troubles out or just go have a coffee. He didn’t want to go see a movie with you. It wouldn’t be long and you would be looking for a new friend.

It runs true in relationships also. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or a high power, high pressure job. It doesn’t matter that you both have a million different interests. Couples need to make the time to be available to each other or eventually the relationship goes south.

Maybe that is why there are so many break-ups. Maybe people don’t really want to be available to each other. Then they are not vulnerable and will not be hurt so deeply.

There is nothing on this earth that I loved more than my husband. And I believe he felt the same about me. I miss being available for him. I miss the laughing, hugging, secret smiles, arguing and most of all the love we shared.

The pain in my heart from loosing him runs deeper than I have ever felt before. I will never ‘get over’ this. Just a different life now. I don’t remember who said it but the gist of it was, if you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain you will never be able to feel the joy.

Take the chance to hurt deeply. Allow yourself to be available in your relationships. Life is short. Sharing your life with the person you love is the greatest gift. Jump in with both feet and all your heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda