Did you know that Flirting Is Healthy for you? I have known that for a long time but I get so uncomfortable flirting after Ole died. I mean that is almost 5 years I have held my flirtatious ways in check. I loved flirting.

I was just reading an article on MSN Dating and Personals about what flirting does for your physical health. It stated there that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts which gives your health and immune system a boost.

Now I know why I keep getting all these nasty bugs and flus here in Denmark. I don’t flirt with anyone! I kid you not…I have never been more sick with flus, colds, physical aches and pains in my life.

Ole and I got the occassional bug but not every little thing that came around. But we also loved to flirt with each other. I miss seeing him walking to the shower with all his glory hanging out. And he always took the opportunity to ‘wave’ at me on the way.

But even more I miss the eye contact that said “I will take you later…”. That just left me totally titilated through out the day. The looks we would flash at each other at a dinner party that said “I can’t wait to get you home, clothes off and loving on.”

I miss the phone calls, both giving and receiving them, whispering naughty little things to perk up his interest. I miss hearing the longing for me in his soft voice when I pick up the phone and he would say, “I want you.”

There were many times as we worked at a job together, I would tease Ole. I miss tantilising him with what I would do to him when we got home after work. I miss seeing his eyes light up and feeling his willingness to my suggessions pressed against me. I miss him so much.

Do you flirt with your lover? Do you hold him close as you say good-bye for the day, talk softly about the luscious ways you are going to tease his body when you get home, a quick little ear nibble and send him out the door? Do you call her up and in a brief 30 second conversation you can hear her breathing change? Do you text little messages to your sweetheart counting all the places you are going to kiss him or her?

When you go for a drive out in the country just to relax and see the green grass and trees…do you snuggle up close to your man and run your finger nail up and down the closed zipper on his jeans? Just to put a little zing in your trip.

I hope so! Not just for the benefits you get physically from flirting but also the benefits your relationship gets.

Flirting with your partner keeps that spark, that light in the eyes and that light in your hearts alive. Flirting adds a little excitement to think about during the day as you each go through your daily routines and jobs. Flirting keeps your lover on your mind and you on theirs…ALL DAY LONG!

HOW COOL IS THAT?!

There are many benefits to flirting also. Flirting takes a lot of pressure off a couple in the bedroom. So many people talk about preformance anxiety and worrying how they look naked. When you put some play into your love life, you take that seriousness out.

Then when it comes time to get between the sheets, you are both so hot and bothered that nothing else matters.

Try it today. Call your lover and whisper seductively into the phone what you would like to do to them. Or if you want to really get your man going, tell them what you would like them to do to you.

When you walk past each other, seize the opportunity to touch. It could be a hand flowing down the back from the shoulders to the bumb and a little pinch. Not too hard but enough to raise eyebrows and get your lover thinking, “What was THAT?” They may even turn around and try to find out what you REALLY meant.

There are so many ways you can raise the flirting level in your relationship that will put a light-hearted playfulness into the moment, the day and into the evening.

There is one word of caution…IF you flirt with your lover all day about what will happen when they come home, you better be prepared to deliver. After all, you don’t want to be know as just a tease. This will be like throwing ice water on your love life.

Get your flirting on! Love your way to better physical health. What can be better than that?

Passionate regards….Brenda

Do you remember the kids rhyme ‘sticks and stones will break my bones but names can never hurt me’? Remember your Mom telling you to say that when the other kids were teasing you? I always felt like I had so much control saying those words but afterwards, I would hear their taunts over and over. And those words cut deep.

This was a huge lesson in our couples seminar. We said that over time, you will forget how much the physical pain hurt. Think about it! The last time you stubbed your toe or hit your elbow, it hurt like hell. You know it did but you can not actually FEEL that pain right now as you remember the incident.

But think about the last time someone stabbed your heart with words. You can feel that pain as real right now as it was when it happened. Words and names CAN hurt you over and over again.

I remember one day when I was around 13 or 14 years old. I don’t if it was teenage hormones or what but just as we were sitting down to eat supper my Dad said to me, “Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud.” It was within context to the conversation that was rolling around the table. He didn’t say it to be mean or hurtful. My Dad wasn’t like that.

But like I say, it could have been teenage hormones and I lost it. I got upset, started crying and stormed off to my room. I can still see my poor Pop. He was totally shocked, bewildered and confused as to what just happened. And there was no way I could have explained it to him as I didn’t know myself.

I know there are times when something is said and it is taken totally out of context. The meaning and manner is totally misunderstood. Friend A says something and only meant it in fun while Friend B takes it at face value and feels the sting of the words deep in their being.

The worst part is, that when this happens, Friend B gets angry and decides not to talk with Friend A again. The hurt Friend A delivered was too much and Friend B will with-hold their friendship to get back at them for saying such a nasty thing. At least until they get an appology from Friend A.

In this case, Friend A probably doesn’t even know they said something wrong. Then they get confused about why Friend B is avoiding them. Then they get angy and won’t call Friend B until they warm up and call first. Nasty cycle to get into.

But there are times when a sting is delivered to hurt. There are times when two people are arguing and they say nasty things, hurtful things, things that could destroy the relationship they have with each other.

Ole and I never called each other names. We never belittled each other when we were arguing. We never put blame on the other or pointed the finger. God’s honest truth! We argued but not to hurt the other. We argued our point, our belief or to find resolution to a problem.

I am not a pyschologist and can not begin to understand why people do this. Ole and I had our ups and downs but he was the man I loved and wanted to spend forever with. It made no sense to me to attack him in such a way. It made no sense to me to make him feel less-than or to put the blame on him for our problems. We both felt this way. We just didn’t see that this was useful in our marriage.

Sure we teased each other. But there is a line between teasing and saying something nasty with a smile to rub an open wound with a little bit of salt. And if a misunderstanding arose, we delt with it right then and there. Or at least when we were alone with each other to discuss freely what happened.

These days, we hear so much about Law of Attraction and your thoughts create your life. But maybe we forget this includes what we say too. We hear so much about we have to be aware what we put into our mouths when we eat but we should pay just as much attention to what comes out of our mouths when we speak.

“When you talk you get understanding, and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.”                                         - Ole Poulsen 1973-2006

Be kind in your words, deeds and actions. Life is short.

Passionate regards….Brenda