When was the last time you challenged yourself? Maybe it was to accomplish a goal by a certain date or to achieve something great in sports. Maybe you wanted to learn something new and challenged yourself to do it?

Let me ask you this, when was the last time you challenged yourself to DO better, BE better in your relationship?

We focus so much on our outer world; our jobs, sports, hobbies, school, families. Sometimes our intimate relationships get pushed to the bottom of the list. We forget that our relationship with our wonderful other is one of our greatest challenges and achievements.

Ole and I were on a constant quest to learn more about how to have a great marriage. No we didn’t have kids to take care of but that doesn’t mean we had a lot of free time. But we still found the time to explore and learn to bring MORE into our marriage.

We challenged ourselves to be the best we could be in our marriage. And this meant learning about each other and relationships. We were very proud of the fact that people ALWAYS commented on what a loving relationship we had. But we also put a lot of work into our relationship too.

There are so many couples that don’t make it. I just wonder if they would have challenged themselves to BE more, DO more with each other, would they still decide to split up?

I believe that we focus on so much outside ourselves that we forget to focus on what is most important and just hope it will run on autopilot. We set financial, physical,  job related challenges and goals and we leave the most important part of our life, our relationship, to flow as best it can with little or no guidance.

How often do you hear anyone talking about they are setting a goal to learn 6 new sexual positions over the next 2 weeks? Or they have a goal to plan THE MOST romantic evening their partner could EVER imagine? Or they will learn 4 new places on their lovers body they like to be kissed, stroked, rubbed, or bit?

Not very often.

As we grow up we are not taught how to have a relationship. With the amount of divorces and single parents, it is difficult for kids to learn how to have a loving, long-term relationship because kids learn these things by example.

Again, I am not judging, just stating facts. I don’t know what has happened in people’s lives to bring them to the place that they are. We all make our own decisions and mistakes. I am not placing blame on anyone.

I am just suggesting that if couples would challenge them self or each other to learn more about love, making love and living in love, maybe we would have less divorces and single parents.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house with both my parents. But that does not mean I learned how to have a great relationship with Ole. I am sure my parents loved each other but they didn’t hug and kiss in front of us. Well, Christmas morning, birthdays, that kind of thing they would give each other a little squeeze and kiss.

But my Mom has a temper and I learned how to yell. I learned that is how you argue with your husband (but it’s not the best way for sure). I don’t remember how often Mom would yell at Dad but I guess it was often enough. And then she wouldn’t talk to him after.

In high school, I watched how the kids dated. When I worked in the bars, I watched how people, lovers, treated each other. I wasn’t impressed so I never dated. But that doesn’t mean I never had ‘relationships’ with men. I just didn’t want anything long-term because I didn’t like what I had seen in my family’s relationships or most people around me.

I was fascinated with relationships and sex long before I met Ole and read more books than I can count. It was exciting to try new things. It was interesting to learn about the dynamics of a relationship. And when Ole and I got married, I was even more interested to learn, as was he.

Decide today that you will challenge yourself to learn something exciting, new, interesting, adventurous to bring more joy and love into your relationship. Challenge yourself to be all that you can be in your love affair and then push yourself that little bit extra.

If we put as much effort into our relationships as we do our sports, hobbies or watching TV, we all would have relationships that would grow and flourish into the romance of the century.

Be Bold! Be Brave! Be Adventurous! Challenge yourself to BE MORE in your relationship. The results are worth it.

Passioante regards….Brenda

I was listening to Bob Proctor and his Six Minutes to Success program. He was talking about sex(the noun).  He said we have a lot of misunderstanding about sex. I have to agree with him. Where do you stand? Is it good, bad or otherwise?

There is so much tabu about sex and talking openly about it. Yet we can talk easily about the war, bloody accidents, fights, angry situations and the graphic scenes we see in movies of murder, rape, child abuse etc.

 But if you start talking about sex, people get all twittery and shy. Or else they just shut you down or shut you out. WHY?

I believe there is sex(the verb) and there is making love. And there is a definite difference. Sex is the one-night-stands. Sex is the 10 minute quickies. Sex is about just seeking that adreneline rush you get from having intercourse and the orgasmic release you feel in your body. Sex is a lot about looking out for your own gratification.

But making love is something totally different. When you make love you engage ALL your senses. You feel every caress to the Nth degree. Each kiss is savoured like a delicious dessert. The dance of 2 loving people in the horizontal position is as beautiful as a ballet.

And as your own mind and body are whirling in this amazing feeling dance, you are very aware of your partner and what they feel as well. You are focused as much on their body and that they should experience incredible titillating sensations as you are on your own self.

Sensual. Sexual. Exciting. Building to a crescendo with each touch, with each kiss, with each thrust. You engauge ALL of your senses. Your smell is heightened. Your skin tingles. Your body pulses. It’s the most amazing thing to make love with someone you are in love with.

I remember asking a girlfriend one time what it was like to make love to man you are in love with. She said she could not describe how wonderful it felt. But she said that once you do, you will know the difference. She was absolutely right!

When I would make love to Ole, I knew exactly what she was talking about. The feelings, the sensations, EVERYTHING was different. I had never made love before. I had only had sex. I knew that then.

So back to Bob Proctor…he said that when two people are in rapport with their ideas and emotions, they have a great physical relationship. I absolutely agree with him!

We think foreplay is just the part that gets your mind and body in the mood for intercourse. But it is more than that. We engage in foreplay almost all of the time.

Every time you run your hand across your lover’s shoulders, every time you talk about your hopes, dreams, ideas and fears, you are engaging in foreplay. Bob Proctor calls it rapport.

Now think about this. If the person you are in an intimate and sexual relationship with was not someone you liked to talk to, share your thoughts, hopes and fears with, or have anything in common, do you think that your sex life would be so great? NO!

Our minds and emotions must be involved in the sexual experience to make it a mind blowing event.

Try it! The next time you are going to make love to your sweetheart, don’t think about anything. NOTHING!

You cannot think about where their hands are touching you. You cannot see the colors as you close your eyes and allow your soul to be swept away in a river of sensuality and excitement. You cannot let your heart explode with love when they drive your body to the brink of release.  You can only focus on your body and the release you are seeking.

Can you do that? I doubt it.

BUT! If you were just having sex with someone, you could do that. You could just get lost inside your own physical senses and have your fun.

And the reason you can do this when you are having that one-night-stand is because there is no rapport. There is no connection of the mind the same way you have when you get to know another person and the way you feel when you give your heart to your partner and share with them your life.

Ole and I had quickies. They were great in that moment. But I loved MAKING LOVE with Ole. We took our time and prolonged the experience. We savoured each moment. We would never have been able to connect on the deep levels we did without being in rapport, without getting to KNOW each other.

Get in rapport, get in tune, get in harmony with your lover. You will never have to think about if sex is good, bad or otherwise. And you will feel the difference when you make love.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have just been reviewing my posts and reading the comments again. What a wonderful bunch of people coming here and leaving their thoughts about what I write. Thank you ALL… for your time and support.

I can only hope that what Ole and I experienced, talked about and taught in our seminars is helping other people.

We had an amazing marriage. People would always comment on how loving and affectionate we were. And that was our real life not just our public life.

When we drove, we would hold hands. When we walked we would hold hands and take time to steal a kiss or three. When we were at home and playing on the computer or watching TV (when we finally had channels to watch), we would sit close and rest our hand on each other’s leg or snuggle into each other.

We always touched.

It wasn’t that we made a conscious decision to touch but it was just something that we always did. Even out eating at a friend’s house, our legs or hands were touching under the table.

When Ole died, I think that was one of the things I miss most. His hand on mine or arms wrapped around each other. I always felt safe in his arms. Always.

Early in our relationship, and still today I notice that there are many couples that don’t touch. They are missing out on so much. Touch is fundamental in building a strong, healthy relationship.

Scientists have proven that babies will die without touch. They have shown with baby monkeys that even a surrogate mother of cloth that the babies could snuggle up to was better than no touch at all.

Ole and I read about and practiced Tantric sex. We were really starting to get interested in this not long before he died. So we really didn’t have a lot of time with it but it was very interesting and produced some amazing results in our relationship.

Some of the practices that we used regularly was about breath control and touch. There was one particular practice that was beyond words. It was all about creating the flow of energy between our two bodies and spirits.

You sit cross-legged across from one another. Your right hand rests on your lovers heart and theirs on your heart. Your left hand gently cups your lovers genital area and their left hand on yours. You can do this clothed or without clothes.

This is not about sex. You are connecting to each other through breath and energy.

Then you sit still and quiet and look into each other’s eyes. This is not a staring contest. You are allowed to relax and blink. But LOOK into your lover’s eyes. Feel their hands resting on your body and yours on them. Let your breathing synchronize with your lovers. You breath in together and out together.

Now feel the flow of energy that flows into your right hand from their heart through your body and out again from your left hand on their genitals. Your lover concentrates and feels this flow also all the while holding contact with your eyes.

This flow, this circle of energy between the two of you is phenomenal. You won’t believe how alive and wonderful you feel until you try this. The love that flows from your hands into your lovers body and from their hands into you is so tangible and real. Like your bodies have been plugged into an electrical socket. But it is your lover’s energy you are plugged into.

The emotions that would well up unexpectedly between Ole and I were amazing. The love we would feel flowing between us and through us was incredible.

Sometimes we would release through tears of joy and unconditional love. Then sometimes the tears would release the sadness that was sitting inside that we had not let go of. And sometimes we became high in our feelings and just sit and smile at each other.

Hold this position as long as you can. The more you practice the longer you can sit and hold this energy flow. We would aim for 15 minutes. That doesn’t sound like a long time but in the beginning it can be difficult to maintain this position for longer than 5 minutes. As you practice, the longer you will be able to sit.

At first you may feel awkward, a little silly and giggle a bit but persevere. It is worth the effort.

Just writing this the tears flow for both the love we had and the man I lost. I can feel that love flowing through me still as if we were sitting and doing this right now. This excersize is SO POWERFUL.

Stretch yourselves and your comfort zones. Soon you will be excited to try something new and adventurous. Soon you will seek out new experiences that will bring you both closer together.

Be adventurous in your relationship. Explore with your minds and your bodies and never be afraid to try something new and different that brings you closer together and expands your mind to new awareness.

I have gave you an incredible gift here today. The Power of Touch. The Power of Connecting. The Power Within Yourself.

A touch can say something that words can’t.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I saw the greatest commercial while watching the Grey Cup yesterday. A woman was talking about how much sports her and her husband watch. How they started watching football and hockey and then they began to watch so much sports on TV that they were watching darts.

Then she says ‘Then my husband found Viagra…we don’t watch sports anymore!’

I loved it! It was so honest and I could absolutely relate. Ole and I didn’t watch sports. He didn’t like them and I really only liked watching the CFL when Saskatchewan Rough Riders play. But there were times when we would get involved in a project and loose our perspective, if I can put it that way.

And we heard others tell us that in our couples seminars how everyday life interferes with their love life. They get caught up in kids and jobs and social activies and housework and everything else that a life is built around. Then they forget to make love. They are too tired or preoccupied.

I am not suggesting that Viagra is the answer, although for some it may be. I am saying we have to remember to love that wonderful ’other’ in our life. We have to take the time to snuggle and kiss and make love. I mean MAKE LOVE, not a quickie 15 minute jump.

When you kiss each other goodbye, do you peck or do you KISS? Do you hold each other and loose yourself in your lover’s eyes and feel the passion in your heart and love muscles? Hold each other for a full 2 or 3 minutes, then release with hearts open and streaming the love that flows between you?

Love is like a delicate plant. We have to feed it and water it and pay attention to it or it will die. It is vulnerable. And it is strong. It is the giver of life and purpose. Love is the MOST amazing feeling there is in this human existence. You can change the world with love. But we must nurture it or it withers, fades and dies.

Be conscious of your love. Do the little things that make this delicate plant grow into a strong and mighty tree with roots that run forever deep and forever long. Take the time to hold each other and say ‘I love you’ with passion and feeling and meaning.

Love is not about sex. Love is about MAKING LOVE. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. Hold your lover. Talk to your lover. Grow your own forest from this one delicate little sprig of love.

‘When you talk you get understanding and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.’    Ole Poulsen 1973 – 2006

Let the peace of understanding grow a magnificent love in your life. There will always be something to do, kids to watch and jobs to go to.

But without love, it is all really very empty.

Passionate regards….Brenda