Not many people know the difference between romance and intimacy. Many people think if you have one you have the other but that is far from the truth.

First, I think so you can understand what I mean, I will give you the definition of both. These definitions come from the Gage The Senior Dictionary.

Romance: a love story, a story of adventure, a story or poem telling of heroes, real events or conditions that are like such stories, full of love, excitement, or noble deeds, an interest in adventure and love, a love affair, a false or extravagant story.

Intimate: very familiar, known very well, closely acquainted, close, very personal, most private, far within, a close friend.

Intimacy: the state of being intimate, close acquaintance, a familiar or intimate act

To be intimate with another person means to KNOW them. Know what they think, what they feel, what they believe, what they wish for. Being intimate means to know another persons fears and what they love. Being intimate with someone means you know everything there is to know about them and continue to learn more.

When you are romantic….well do I need to tell you? If you don’t know what it is to be romantic, go to the book store or library and get educated. Become a student of the fine art of seduction and romance.

I want to focus on intimacy though. We can be intimate with many people in our lives in many ways on different levels. Think about your closest friend. Are you intimate with them? If they are your CLOSEST friend, I would have to say yes. I am not talking about sleeping with them, but I bet you know things about your friend that others don’t.

Now think about your lover. Are you intimate with them? Really think for just a minute. You are intimate on the physical level but do you really know them? Do you know what they fear, love, wish for and so on?

Ole and I had a great advantage when we were ‘dating’. Our dates consisted of talking on the phone because he was in Denmark and I was in Yukon, Canada. So we would talk for at least an hour per phone call and sometimes twice a day. We talked almost every day for 3 months before I went to Denmark to celebrate New Years with him.

After I came home from a 3 week holiday, we continued to talk for another 2 months before I went to Denmark to live and see where our relationship was going.

I got to know Ole better than most people who see each other every day because we romanced each other with our words which led to the deep intimacy of our relationship. Now understand that our conversations were not all flowery and smoochy and all that kissy stuff.

WE TALKED. WE LISTENED. WE WERE INTIMATE.

I felt so close to Ole in a way I have never felt with anybody before because I got to KNOW him. We would be talking about something and I would be blown away with his depth and knowledge. I would ask him, “How can you know that? You are only 24 years old!” He was amazing. He opened my eyes to look at the world in so many different ways.

As we talked, I opened myself to him also. I let Ole into places within me that others have never heard nor seen. He knew by looking at my eyes that my mood had changed. We heard so often that our relationship was closer than some couples that had been married for 50 years.

Ole definitely made me a better person because of who he was. I am forever grateful to have had him in my life. He is still and always will be in my life. I have never been so intimate with anyone before. Both physically and emotionally, as well as spiritually. I feel so lucky to have shared so much with such a (I am struggling for a word here because there is not one word to describe my husband) wonderful,amazing, intelligent man.

I found this quote shortly after Ole died. I would have love to have shared it with him as it was exactly how I felt.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. - Elizabeth Barret Browning

Romance alone cannot make a person love. INTIMACY is the true way to the heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda

When you think of romance what picture do you paint? Can you see the flames dancing in the fireplace with plush, soft, overstuffed pillows luring lovers into their comforting embrace. The bottle of wine twinkles in the glow of the fire like a single star in the night sky. The plate of expensive cheese sweats in the heat of the fire like love drenched skin dripping with lust and passion.

Two people slide gracefully down into the pillows and melt into each other’s bodies. The soft talk and soft music are only to distract the senses so the couple does not hurry and can take pleasure in the moment.  They sip the wine and nibble the cheese all the while being very aware of every nuance and detail of their companion.

They both look deep into eyes filled with adoration. They touch skin hot with lust and longing. They smell a heavenly fragrance unbeknown to their nose but the pheromones are strong and pungent. The taste of a kiss lingers on lips trickling words of love and fairy tales.

Time moves forward, as does the couple’s passion. She protests but he coaxes her tender heart to a place of safety with his words and soft caresses.  She succumbs to his advances and the shoulders of her silk dress float down her arms like the touch of a butterfly. They embrace and quench their thirst for love.

Back to reality!

Pretty picture isn’t it. Who would not fall prey to such a scene given the right man or woman and the explosive chemistry of love and lust?

This is not the only form of romance although most people think of romance to fall into a similar scenario of passion, soft glances and soft touches.

Romance is a large part of our lives. Not the wine and flowers and fire in the fireplace kind but everyday romance.

When your lover asks you to pick up the dry cleaning and you know full well you do not have the time, you say no. So your honey snuggles up close and pouts their lips and holds you tight and says ‘Pretty please Sugar. You are so sweet to me and this would help me so much today. Pleeaasse…’ You love the attention, the loving words and the tenderness. Were you not seduced by romance?

When you see a commercial on TV and the product is so well portrayed that you just have to have it….were you not seduced by romance? When you and you darling are out together at a party where you exchange secret glances and smiles…is that not romantic seduction? Absolutely!

Romance is everywhere. When you walk along a path in the woods and the birds sing and the leaves on the trees shimmer in the breeze. The colors, the forest smells, the sounds are all seducing you with their natural romantic natures.

Has your sweetheart never surprised with something, a gift or deep felt words and gestures to the point it brought tears to your eyes? In the same breath, have you never gazed upon a mountain valley, a deer standing solitaire and still in the dawns light of morning or at a newborn baby and your eyes fill with drops of gratitude, joy and love. Is this not all the seduction of romance?

When we allow the romance of everyday experiences to seduce us, our world really does open to new possibilities and experiences. We have become trained to think in a Hollywood box about romance and forget we live incredible and amazing romantic lives and are seduced with every turn of the clock’s hands.

Fabulous, isn’t it! The seduction of romance is alive and well and lives in our very own heart. Be open to the seduction. You will never be the same person again after you surrender to the beauty and joy that seeks to romance you every day.

 Passionate regards….Brenda

Written for http://www.wholefitness.com/health.html 2008