I am going to start this post with a short video. You may have even seen it before but it shows how powerful your words are and how important it is to formulate what you want to say in the best way possible. It is less than 2 minutes and VERY powerful!

 
Are you wondering what that has to do with me and Ole? Everything!

We talked to each other a lot. We would ALWAYS end our day with a good talk in bed. We would connect each night this way on what happened and how we were feeling about what was going on in our lives.

Was this important? YOU BET! There are far too many couples that lose touch with each other because they don’t talk. They let the kids, their jobs, the families, their hobbies, their friends, and all the other things life consists of get in the way of being CONNECTED and TOGETHER. 

Just because 2 people live together does not mean they are communicating on a regular basis. Oh sure they do the “How was your day? What did you do? Did you pick up the milk? Will you get the kids today?” And so it goes. 

But they never get into the meat and potatoes of their relationship and find out what is happening in their hearts, minds and souls. This is where relationships are built and this is where a relationship grows stronger.

Think back to this little video you just watched. What did you FEEL when you watched it? Take a minute and do this. You might find out you haven’t been checking in with yourself either. So take a minute and think about what you felt as you watched this video.

I have watched this video several times and I get teary each time. The Power of Words….amazing isn’t it!

Maybe the reason why it touches me so deeply is because I know my words were not always so kind. I know I have hurt people deeply with things I have said in the heat of a moment. And once those words are expressed, there is no going back. You can apologize as many times as you want but the words still hang in the air. Even if the person you said them to forgives and forgets, you never do.

What I am suggesting is just be aware of how you talk to each other and other people in general. Notice the tone of your voice and the words you use. You can still ask your sweetheart, “How are you?”. But the way you ask will give it a whole new meaning showing them that you are truly interested in what their answer will be.

Choose your words wisely. They are the building blocks to a romantic, wonderful life with your partner that you never dreamed possible. Make sure the words you use come from your heart and not that place where you think “This is what they want to hear.”…because that place is empty. Those words hold no weight and can be blown away along with your sincerity and the trust of your partner.

The Power of Words! Words can destroy quicker than the blink of an eye. But just by taking a second to think before you speak, your words can also build a beautiful, loving amazing experience.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I just read a fascinating article that stated Love Helps Ease Pain. How cool is that! Professor Arthur Aron of the State University of New York at Stony Brook, who studies the neurology of love,  has linked that euphoric phase of a fresh romance to brain regions rich in the chemical dopamine.

What is dopamine and how does it work in the body? Think about the little lift you get when you eat chocolate. That is what dopamine does for you. It comes from the reward pathway in your brain, that feel-good place when you do certain activities or actions. It is the same place in your brain that addictive drugs go to, like cocaine for example, to produce those feel good feelings.

“When people are in love, in many ways it’s not dissimilar to what they get when they take amphetamines or stimulants: They’re very excited, have loss of appetite, sleep loss, they’re active, full of energy,” noted Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse and a dopamine expert.

In Aron’s study, they used different ways to creat a moderate pain in their test subjects and found that if they were looking at a photo of their beloved while the pain stimulus was applied, there was less pain.

This is powerful stuff! So many sages of the ages have advocated that all we need is love. Maybe that is turning out to be truer than we know.

Think about the healing power of a mother’s kiss. When a small child bumps themself and runs crying to Mommy, all she has to do is apply a little tender loving care, a kiss on the boo-boo and perhaps a band-aid. The healing has begun!

I know there have been times when I have hurt myself like cut my finger really deep or knocked my head hard on a shelf. Then the tears started and all I wanted was to see Ole. This was before he died too but I still do that now. I just wanted to see him and feel his arms around me telling me I am okay. Giving me that healing dose of love.

I know I have been in situations with another person and they are hurt. Pain from a physical injury or a severe injury to their heart. I would sit with them and think, “Ole should be here. He would be good to help here.” And by just thinking about my sweetheart, I could keep myself calmer and more collected.

I get easily wrapped up in other people’s pain. At least I used to. I have learned to distance myself because I am no good to them if I sit here crying for them. But I think it is funny that even though it wasn’t MY pain, I was still looking to Ole to help ease the situation.

Love is VERY powerful. More so than we mere mortals will EVER know. Funny but I just thought of that movie Monsters Inc. The monsters were harnessing the power of the fear driven screams for the electricity in their world. But then they found out that the giggles, laughter and love produced a much more POWERFUL energy.

Try this little experiment this week. When someone upsets you or makes you angry(hence pain), why not think about someone you love instead of letting your words spill uncontrolled out of your mouth without your head engaged. Kick start your heart first by feeling the love this special someone gives you. Then, to the person that has just upset you, send a stream of love from your heart to them. See if that doesn’t help to calm the situation down some.

We will never fully understand the power of love but we can sure use it to help us, our neighbors and the world.

The last thing that was mentioned in this article was that in this study, they also found out that when the new love phase turns into commitment, this response comes from a different place in your brain. Aron said that by trying something new and exciting with your longterm partner will stimulate that passion again, “a good idea whether you’re in pain or not.”

Here’s to Passionate Loving!

Passionate regards….Brenda

Did you know that Flirting Is Healthy for you? I have known that for a long time but I get so uncomfortable flirting after Ole died. I mean that is almost 5 years I have held my flirtatious ways in check. I loved flirting.

I was just reading an article on MSN Dating and Personals about what flirting does for your physical health. It stated there that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts which gives your health and immune system a boost.

Now I know why I keep getting all these nasty bugs and flus here in Denmark. I don’t flirt with anyone! I kid you not…I have never been more sick with flus, colds, physical aches and pains in my life.

Ole and I got the occassional bug but not every little thing that came around. But we also loved to flirt with each other. I miss seeing him walking to the shower with all his glory hanging out. And he always took the opportunity to ‘wave’ at me on the way.

But even more I miss the eye contact that said “I will take you later…”. That just left me totally titilated through out the day. The looks we would flash at each other at a dinner party that said “I can’t wait to get you home, clothes off and loving on.”

I miss the phone calls, both giving and receiving them, whispering naughty little things to perk up his interest. I miss hearing the longing for me in his soft voice when I pick up the phone and he would say, “I want you.”

There were many times as we worked at a job together, I would tease Ole. I miss tantilising him with what I would do to him when we got home after work. I miss seeing his eyes light up and feeling his willingness to my suggessions pressed against me. I miss him so much.

Do you flirt with your lover? Do you hold him close as you say good-bye for the day, talk softly about the luscious ways you are going to tease his body when you get home, a quick little ear nibble and send him out the door? Do you call her up and in a brief 30 second conversation you can hear her breathing change? Do you text little messages to your sweetheart counting all the places you are going to kiss him or her?

When you go for a drive out in the country just to relax and see the green grass and trees…do you snuggle up close to your man and run your finger nail up and down the closed zipper on his jeans? Just to put a little zing in your trip.

I hope so! Not just for the benefits you get physically from flirting but also the benefits your relationship gets.

Flirting with your partner keeps that spark, that light in the eyes and that light in your hearts alive. Flirting adds a little excitement to think about during the day as you each go through your daily routines and jobs. Flirting keeps your lover on your mind and you on theirs…ALL DAY LONG!

HOW COOL IS THAT?!

There are many benefits to flirting also. Flirting takes a lot of pressure off a couple in the bedroom. So many people talk about preformance anxiety and worrying how they look naked. When you put some play into your love life, you take that seriousness out.

Then when it comes time to get between the sheets, you are both so hot and bothered that nothing else matters.

Try it today. Call your lover and whisper seductively into the phone what you would like to do to them. Or if you want to really get your man going, tell them what you would like them to do to you.

When you walk past each other, seize the opportunity to touch. It could be a hand flowing down the back from the shoulders to the bumb and a little pinch. Not too hard but enough to raise eyebrows and get your lover thinking, “What was THAT?” They may even turn around and try to find out what you REALLY meant.

There are so many ways you can raise the flirting level in your relationship that will put a light-hearted playfulness into the moment, the day and into the evening.

There is one word of caution…IF you flirt with your lover all day about what will happen when they come home, you better be prepared to deliver. After all, you don’t want to be know as just a tease. This will be like throwing ice water on your love life.

Get your flirting on! Love your way to better physical health. What can be better than that?

Passionate regards….Brenda

I was reading a psychology book today and it was discussing Learned Stimulus and Pavlov’s Theory. It was explaining how Pavlov determined between a natural reflex and a learned reflex that happens with certain stimulus.

He found out that when a dog receives food, they begin to produce saliva and drool. This is a natural reflex to the stimulus. They are born with this reflex, it is not learned.

He then noticed that the dog would begin salivating just when the cupboard was opened where the dog’s food was stored. Then Pavlov started to ring a bell before he would feed the dog and before long when the dog heard the bell, he would begin to salivate. Both of these were Learned Stimulus.

So I got to thinking about Learned Stimulus in relation to our relationships. I began to think about how a certain stimulus would produce a learned reflex.

Ole and I liked to watch movies. When we would settle in to watch a movie we would always have a wonderful snack to share while we watched the movie. Were we actually hungry? No. But we learned that we created a certain intimacy with sharing this snack and watching the movie. Our learned reflex was one that produced a cosy and loving feeling between us.

Then I stared thinking about why do some things trigger certain responses? These triggers, if they bring on less than desirable responses, why do we hold on to them so tightly? If we have learned responses from Learned Stimulus, can we learn to have a different response if the one we have is not so desirable?

For example, I have a thing about people chewing with their mouths open. That is a learned response to a Learned Stimulus. When someone would chew with their mouth open, I could not enjoy myself and I would get angrier by the second. All I could focus on was that chomping, clicking, smacking noise. Drove me crazy! But I have learned to let that go. It doesn’t serve me in any way to hold on to that.

So what triggers you? What Learned Stimulus activates your learned reflex response?

Think about your own relationship. If you walked into the bathroom and the top was off the toothpaste and the toilet seat was up. This could trigger anger, frustration, disappointment as well as other feelings. And yet, for the next person, it might not trigger anything at all.

When your partner spends money, do you get anxious? Or when your lover looks at another woman or man, do you get jealous? Or you don’t get the attention you want from your sweetheart, do you begin to feel a little uneasy and nervous? Are these also Learned Stimulus responses because of a past occurance or patterns in our lives?

We are subjected to thousands of Learned Stimulus every day. Don’t you think that the sexy advertising for a product triggers the desire of need in yourself? Like with cigarettes or the sexy girl in the fabulous jeans. Don’t you want that feeling for yourself?

Don’t you think that when you see a commercial of people sitting in a cosy restaurant eating and ejoying themselves with happy music playing that you want to experience that also?

Don’t you think when we see how many times on TV, the movies and countless other places how easy it is to cheat on your wife or husband that there isn’t a seed of desire to try that?

A Learned Stimulus response is not always a happy or healthy thing. Smoking, drinking, over eating, cheating, gambling and the list goes on. But each and every day we are influenced from this type of Learned Stimulus.

All I am saying is that we have our natural reflexes that produce love, joy and smiles. If you look at the sunrise, if you look at a dog playing in the grass, if you look at a little child learning to walk, your natural reflex is to smile. It is the learned reflex from the Learned Stimulus that would make you frown looking at those same pictures.

We all have our own experiences in life and no two lives are the same. We all determine what is wonderful and what is awful for ourselves. You might love broccoli and your husband thinks it is a nasty food to say the least. BUT he could LEARN to change how he feels about eating it.

Determine what your Learned Stimulus is. Decide if you are producing desired reflexes from this stimulus or not. If not, then you have work to do. Make a decision to free yourself from the bondage of undersirable reflexes from Learned Stimulus. Then you can start having not only the life you want to live but the kind of relationships you want to have.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I apologize for not writing sooner but I have really been thinking a lot about what it means to have Relationship Safety. And I am sure that is an answer that is unique to each individual.

Relationship Safety is just as I wrote last time, at least for me. Ole gave me so much support in all that I did, in all that WE did. I ALWAYS felt safe with him. I never for a minute thought he would harm me in ANY way. Or not allow me to grow as a person. He encouraged that in me and me in him.

And the person that I grew into from his support was a better version of the person I was before I knew Ole. My confidence grew. I always felt there was nothing we couldn’t do together. There was nothing we couldn’t achieve. There was no problem too big that we could not find a solution to.

Then when he died, my safety net broke. I broke…no I SHATTERED into so many small, tiny pieces. I felt that I would never be a whole person again.

The good part about this is that I am discovering Relationship Safety in myself!

I learn more about the person I have become and am still developing each and every day in all kinds of situations. I am learning that I can feel safe within myself. I can be my own supporter in all of life’s triumphs and tribulations. It is not so much that I am putting the pieces back together but that I am finding new shards of myself that I am building a whole Me with.

Then I started thinking about expanding this Relationship Safety idea out of just my relationship with Ole and myself to those people around me. People that are my close friends and in my immediate family. What Relationship Safety do I have with them?

I have friends that I KNOW would drop what they are doing and help me with whatever I need. I have some family members that will help me as much as they can. Then I have friends that will sympathize with me, but not much more than that. I have no problem with that either.

As for my family, there are some that I have no Relationship Safety at all anymore. Some days I wonder if they even consider that we are still family. But that is their problem. That again comes down to perception. Long story perhaps for another day.

Then I thought about what Relationship Safety do I offer to others? Can they count on me? Can they call me and ask for help? Do they feel that they have some Safety in our relationship?

Did Ole?

I hope Ole felt that. I cannot speak for him on this as this is a totally new thing that we never talked about. But I hope that Ole felt I was there for him in every way possible. I hope Ole knew that no matter what, I was there through thick and thin (not that either of us has ever been on the thin side ). I hope Ole felt SAFE with me.

As for my family and friends, again I cannot speak for them. But if I have to be honest with myself and you as you read this, I think I can step up my game. I think I can give a little more of myself so they will feel safe, supported and that our relationship can grow stronger and that they grow as a person.

There is no greater feeling in the world than feeling love and giving love. I was so blessed to have had Ole in my life even if it was such a short time. All the things I have learned and will continue to learn because of this wonderful amazing man only builds a better version of me so that I can be better for those people in my life that I adore and love.

Relationship Safety is one of those lessons. I would have never thought about this had I not had Ole in my life. I had other relationships and not one of them challenged my thoughts, beliefs and feelings the way Ole has.

So now I am challenging you to think about the Relationship Safety you have with those around you. Do you feel safe, supported and expanded into a better version of you because you have these people in your life? Do you help others grow into a better version of them from the safety and support you give them?

This is something that could change your relationships today if you start thinking about it and how you can apply it to your own life.

May you be able to find, build and expand your own safety nets in the friends and family you hold dear in your hearts. Raise your hearts to build Relationship Safety in all your relationships.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I was at a friend’s 40th birthday party yesterday and had such a huge AHA moment…I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

I don’t go to many large parties or functions these days. Not because I am anti-social or anything. I have enjoyed many delightful dinners with 2 or 3 couples and me. But I can see myself a little clearer from having attended this party yesterday.

It was a lovely affair with around 50 people or so. Nothing huge where you are not sure if there will be someone you can talk with, but an intimate gathering of family and friends. It was very calm and relaxed. People were enjoying themselves, talking, drinking, eating. It was quite wonderful.

There were several people I knew there that I could talk with and enjoy. The thing was I felt like a fish out of water. I felt so alone inside myself. I felt emotional, nervous, sad and happy at the same time. I felt like I wanted to just come home to the ‘Safety’ of my house and dogs.

As I drove home I was asking myself what was going on with me? I was never one to step away from a good time. I was always the one that could talk to anyone and everyone. I was always the one to laugh loud and have fun. I was always one of the last people to leave because I didn’t want to miss anything. What happened?

I lost the Relationship Safety I had knowing Ole was beside me.

“What does that mean exactly?” I asked myself. It meant I felt totally exposed. I felt like people could see into me and see through me. I felt like there was no back-up if I needed one. Meaning there was no one to just sit with and watch the party unfold. Not having to think about what to say or where I should stand.

I was so shocked as this unravelled in my head as I drove home. I have never been nervous about doing things on my own. I have always been very independent and self assured. Even in our marriage I did many things on my own with Ole’s blessing. So this was somewhat unsettling to say the least.

The Relationship Safety I had with Ole infused every aspect of my life. I had someone that I respected to ask his opinion of things. I had someone to stand beside me not so much to hold me up but to be stronger. I had someone that could calm me with a look. I had everything I needed and wanted wrapped up in this one person.

Maybe I was already thinking along these same lines earlier this week. I work with home care here in Denmark and I was talking with a lady the other day as I helped her put on her support stockings. I said I was having a difficult time deciding if I should buy new doors for my house or not. I am still not sure how long I can be here in Denmark because immigration has not settled my case. So it is wise to spend so much money on a house that I may have to sell?

As our conversation continued with these questions with no absolute answers, she said that this is one of those decisions that it really helps to have two to decide. I agreed whole heartedly.

Yes I can ask his family and friends. Yes I can talk to my family and friends. But when it comes down to the final decision it is only me. I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

Ole gave me so much strength and support I still feel so much like half a person without him. I thought my inner strength was building more than what I displayed at this party.

I always knew that Ole had my back and I had his. I always knew that he was there for me and with me through thick and thin. I always knew that if I could not see clearly, he would be able to show me a better way. I felt so safe with Ole.

And as I was analysing myself through all this I realised that this is another reason why our relationship was so amazing. The Relationship Safety we had with each other built such a solid foundation for us to grow as a couple and as individuals.

I think this is a topic worth exploring more next week. But in the mean time, think about how much Relationship Safety you have with your mate. What does it mean to you to have Relationship Safety in your relationship?

To be continued….

Passionate regards….Brenda

Have you seen this, TUT… A Note from the Universe? These are messages that are sent to your inbox everyday with messages from the Universe. Actually, Mike Dooley sends them to you. The Universe just writes them.

I want to share the one that popped up in my in-box today. Here it is:

Shaping, shifting, molding, making… what people do when they discover their imagination.

Basking, Brenda -
The Universe

Does this message strike a cord in you too? It sure did me and that’s why I wanted to share it with you if you haven’t already signed up for these tidbits of Universal wisdom.

I began thinking that when I felt so sure, excited and positive about what was going on in my life, I was definitely spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling. When I was cutting hair and creating beautiful styles, I was totally shaping, shifting, molding, and making. Plus spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling.

And then, when I fell in love with Ole, I was more than beaming, marveling, basking, and sparkling. I WAS EVERYTHING! I FELT EVERYTHING! I WAS THE UNIVERSE!

Remember that new-in-love feeling? You sparkle from the inside out. Your skin glows. Your eyes twinkle. You bounce a little bit extra with each step you take. And your smile could not be more dazzling.

Do you still feel that way?

I know I do when I think of Ole. We had such adventures to say the least. We loved and made love. We created together. We talked and planned about our future, our business, our love for each other. And then suddenly there was no more. He was gone from my physical life. Poof!

It took a long time to be able to think about our love and feel all those marvelous feelings when I thought of him. It was so hard for so long after he died because the hurt I felt was emmense. I felt like the Universe had imploded and there was nothing left. I WAS that black hole scientists talk about. Empty!

But that wasn’t true. I STILL have all those amazing feelings inside of me. I just have to think of Ole and they over-take my mind, heart, body and soul in a flash flood of LOVE. And now, it feels good to remember.

I think sometimes after being together a few years we forget how wonderful it was to fall in love. Not because we don’t still love that special person that holds our heart in their hands but because life takes over. We get immersed in jobs, families, business, media and whatever else takes our attention on a daily basis.

We get so wrapped up in being busy, making a living and making a LIFE that sometimes we put our love feelings and our relationships into the background of our daily routine. We forget to say “I love you.” We forget how important it is to snuggle, cuddle, make love, laugh, flirt, and relax with the person that we willingly gave our hearts to.

Then we get angry and upset that things aren’t like they used to be.

The thing is, we have to put our relationships first. Yes, making a living and making a life are important but believe me, if you have no one to share all that with, you haven’t got much.

My relationship with Ole was the world to me. He was my priority. Our relationship was our priority. We worked at having the BEST relationship we could have with each other. YES, I said WORKED at having the best relationship.

Just because you are IN a relationship doesn’t mean that everything will just flow and come natural for you and your lover. But if you take the time to tease, talk and trip the light fantastic, you will surely begin to know what I mean.

HOMEWORK – Everyday for the next 2 weeks, the first thing you do when you wake up (even before you open your eyes) is remember how you felt when you first fell in love with that special person that snuggles into bed beside you. Even if you are not in a relationship at this present moment, remember that feeling from a love long lost.

You will notice that you smile more, are more tollerant of the small things, and people will be more receptive towards you. Not to mention the benefits you will have with your lover. And if you are not in a relationship, you may soon be, acting this way

Oh, and take the time to visit TUT. http://www.tut.com/theclub/ It’s a great place for a mini vacation.

Passionate regards….Brenda

This past week I got to thinking about Wasting Time. I guess because I sit at my new computer a lot and do just that. I’m reading emails, looking at offers, watching clips, reading new blogs and signing up for the update, looking around the Net at what’s new and exciting. Before ya know it, 4 hours have passed and I have not accomplished a darn thing.

Just Wasting Time.

When I realised what I was doing I started to think back how Ole and I would waste time. I think it was mostly with our computer again. When we got the then-new computer, we each had one in our office to sit and play with. Lots of times we would slip some Metallica into the disc drive (the then-new computer had great speakers) and we would sit and play games.

Yeah in some ways this was Wasting Time but it was also just a time for both of us to take a break and not think about anything. We were spending time together but in a lot of people’s eyes, all we were doing was Wasting Time.

Knowing what I know now, I am happy for those game playing moments. We would listen to the music. We teased each other about silly things and relaxed. We enjoyed this. We enjoyed being together.

I think Ole was more aware of time and Wasting Time than I was. I never thought about it so much then. But he told me more often than I can count that time is our most precious commodity. Ole told me over and over that time lost can never be recovered. You can never get back time you have wasted. He would say we needed to be more aware of how we use our time.

I never knew that his minutes were so limited or maybe I would have been more enthusiastic to work on our projects, books and seminars. Maybe I would have used our time together to expand our relationship coaching so other people could experience the deepfelt love and connection that we shared. Maybe I would have just talked with him more. Maybe I would have asked him more questions about his younger days, his ideas, his thoughts about life.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so happy Wasting Time just sitting next to him. Hard to say for sure.

After I started focusing on this topic of Wasting Time, I asked myself, how many ways do we waste time in our life and in our relationships?

It is pretty easy to sit in front of the TV and flick the remote buttons for hours and never really find anything to watch. That is why I have just cut off my cable. Waste of time for me. Most days, if I have the TV on, it is just for background noise. I think I will start playing music instead.

I have been reading different articles about couples using shopping as an activity they do together, to spend time together. Not only is that a Waste of Time but possibly very draining on the bank account.

It is very hard to connect at the level that is needed to foster and grow a love relationship while you are walking around in the midst of hundreds of strangers looking at all this junk you really don’t need. And possibly getting into an argument over it. Neither of these activities helps grow a deeper connection in your relatiionship.

There are many activities we do to Waste Time. But how do you Waste Time in your relationship? Do you stay angry for a long time? Do you hold that anger inside you until the next argument? Do you hold grudges (first hand experience with this – HUGE WASTE of TIME. Totally not worth it or the consequences of it. I was the queen of holding grudges. Let this Time Waster go today)?

Each one of us only gets so many days in this life. No one knows how long that is but we all know that our time on earth is limited in this physical body.

Take a moment and look at your daily routine. Find out where you are Wasting Time and what you are willing to do about it.

As for just sitting with Ole and playing the computer games, was it Wasting Time? Yup! But I would give everything I have to be able to sit and Waste Time with him right now.

In my eyes, we were spending quality time together. A quiet moment listening to music and feeling the love flowing between us. That is NEVER a Waste of Time.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I am so happy to say that I am back. I have something new…A NEW COMPUTER. It is wonderful to say the least. I guess 10 years is a long time to not upgrade to a new computer. I, like most other people, just get used to doing what I always do. Then one day, we are forced to try Something New.

Isn’t that the truth? We get into certain habits that just turn into our daily routines. We drive the same way to work or to the usual grocery stores. We tend to make the same culinary delights that we have learned and used for years. Yeah, sure we shake things up once in a while but I think for the most part, people are creatures of habit.

That goes for our romantic lives as well. We tend to stick to what we know, what works, and what we get used to. This includes how we romance our lovers and how we make love.

Sometimes we forget how exciting it is to try Something New in our lives. We get used to the same old stuff and it’s good enough. Life gets busy and we get a little more tired with jobs, kids, and all the rest that becomes our daily routines. Then we forget to look for the Something New to explore with.

Let me tell you, when you start bringing Something New, Something Exciting into your bedroom, you find a new energy in the rest of your life.

That was a great thing about Ole and I…we always looked for new ways to excite each other. We looked for new places to make love. We looked for new ideas to surprise the other with romance, intimacy and sex. We didn’t restrict this wanting to surprise the other just in the bedroom. This was our life in the kitchen, on road trips, and everything else.

I have a funny story to tell you. You will really think we lost our marbles but it was a lot of fun.

I came to Denmark to stay for a bit to see where things were going to go with Ole and I. I could stay for 3 months then I would have to leave the country again or apply to stay longer. We learned quickly that we fit together so well.

Ole had such ideas about life that I have never encountered in anyone else. He was very creative in so many areas. He didn’t see life like other people did. I guess that is why I fell in love with him.

One day Ole came into the bedroom with a sander, an electric sander…without the sandpaper of course. I looked at him and didn’t know what to expect. I voiced my reservations about this but he said just try it. Okay!

He had me lay down on the bed on my stomach then he started sanding my back, bumb, legs and arms with this machine. WOW! WOW! WOW! It had a lot of power in it, more than a regular viberator for sure. I was totally amazed how WONDERFUL it felt. And how arousing this strong vibrating sensation was.

That was not the last time we used the sander (without sandpaper) in our love making. And that was not the last time he came up with a winning idea.

I know it is so easy to get caught up in our everyday lives where we feel over worked and over whelmed that we just don’t feel we have the energy to try Something New. Little do we realise that when we bring Something New into our lives that it also brings with it a spark of electricy. It gives new life to our relationships. It infuses us with new energy.

I am putting a challenge out to you. Try Something New in your love making. Try Something New in preparing your daily meals. Try Something New in your life this week.

I know this new computer has me all fired up. I have so many ideas for blog posts. I am so excited to share these ideas and events in our life with you. I can hardly contain myself.

So what will your Something New be to tantalise your lover?

Go for the gusto! Try Something New!

Passionate regards….Brenda

Do you remember when you were in the begining of your relationship? Do you remember how important it was to put your Best YOU forward? How important it was to attract that special someone into all areas of your life?

What about now after 3 years into the relationship? Or 10 years? Or 30 years? Do you still put your Best YOU forward?

When we find a special person that we would like to draw into our lives we go out of our way to be more attractive. We wear the pretty clothes…and this goes for both men and women. We make sure our hair sits just right and looks soft and touchable. We take extra special time with our apprearance. We may even start exercising or add extra workouts to our fitness plan.

But it doesn’t stop there. When we are doing our best to be attractive we make allowances in several areas. For instance, you may not really enjoy Monster Trucks but that new man in your life would love to share his enthusiasm for them with you. So of course you tag along and smile, laugh, scream and get involved in the show. Am I right?

Or perhaps, you are not so thrilled about shopping but your new lovely lady wants to get your opinion on a dress. She has several in mind if you would just come and have a look with her. You have sat on many ‘Man Chairs’ (that’s what I call the chairs some clothing stores have outside the fitting rooms), looked at too many dresses to count, and all you can think of is how beautiful she looked in each of them.

Let’s fast forward 3 years…in both of these scenerios the outcome will possibly be very different.

“Monster Trucks! Are you crazy? Why don’t you call Steve and I will stay home and read?”

“Shopping! Not again. You try on so many dresses and they all look the same. I have a lot of things to do around here ya know. Can’t you just go by yourself?”

I may be exagreating this a little but I wanted you to understand my point. When we are trying to attract that new love into our lives, we will bend over backwards to be more attractive and accommodating. This means taking extra time for our physical appreance and making time to spend with each other even if it is a less than desirable event.

Ole and I did the same. I had a much smaller waist when I was enticing him into my lair than I did when he died. I was much more aware of how my makeup was done or what clothes I put on than after we were married a few years.

We always liked to be together and most of the time it didn’t matter where we went. So that part didn’t change much. But there were times I was not interested for sure.

Like Monster Trucks…they got old real fast after we were married.

Ole put his foot down too. He was not interested in going out looking around in the stores. Ole was not a shopper.

As I read a blurb on Facebook that prompted this rant today, I started to think about Ole and me. Some days I would pull my hair up and no makeup, old frumpy clothes…not a pretty sight in my eyes but still did it. Why? Because I got lazy.

Why do we take so much time to put our Best Selves forward in the attracting stage of a relationship but then forget it after? Why is it not so important to do things together later in our relationship?

The fact is, IT IS IMPORTANT! I am not sure what happens in the human mind that lets us believe we have hooked the big fish and now we can relax. Maybe it does come down to just being lazy. I can’t say for sure.

But I do know that when you don’t put your Best YOU forward, it affects everything from your own self esteme to your relationship with your lover.

Go back a couple paragraphs where I wrote about getting lazy and I didn’t think I looked good…do you think I projected that thought out in our relationship? YOU BET I DID! Do you think I felt like Ole was attraced to me on those days I looked lke that? NOT A CHANCE!

Feeling and being attractive comes from the inside of you. It is not how you look on the outside or how you hair sits or what clothes you wear. It comes from the smile that you flash at your lover that says ‘Honey, I’m hot and you know it!’ while you are painting the fence in your old baggy clothes and your hair is streaked with sweat and paint. But not many people are lucky enough to know that about themselves.

So what do you do?

Don’t allow yourself to get lazy. Pretend each day that this is just the beginning of your relationship. Remember the little things you did to attract that wonderful person into your life and start doing those things again. Talk about heating up the kitchen! You will find a renewed spark in yourself, your lover and your relationship.

BE BOLD!

PUT YOUR BEST YOU FORWARD!

Passionate regards….Brenda