EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG! Everything is falling apart! I must say I am forever grateful that I was able to get on my computer today to write this. Thank you to the computer gods for shining on me today. I have not been lazy. But my computer has a mind of his own this past month or so.

This is my life this past month…I have been having pc troubles like you can not imagine. If I can open the computer at all, I am never sure how long it will be before the blue screen of computing death pops up.

My computer is 10 years old and is having trouble computing. I have known that eventually I will need a new one but hoped it would be a day ‘down the road’. I am now standing on that part of the road.

And my car is really showing his age too. My car is Buddy. That is why I will refer to it as ‘him’. I have an 1987 Volvo station car. I love him. I feel like I am driving a real car when I sit in him. He is heavy, hugs the road and rolls along so smooth and wonderful.

But he is also wanting to retire. It is me that is not willing to part with him. I now have two back doors that will not open unless I crawl in the car to open them. I know I will have to let him go soon.

Also, I need 2 new doors for my house plus other work. These are very high ticket items for me because I tell ya, living in Denmark is not cheap. The list goes on but you get the idea. It wouldn’t be so bad maybe if it didn’t all seem to come at once.

Ole and I were always lucky that when one of us was feeling like the world was falling apart, the other was able to see and think more clear. The one of us that was on top of the wave was able to help pull the other back up. Then the waters would be calm again untill the next storm.

What about you? When troubles hit in your house do you and your partner both fall into them or are you able to lean on each other to support the one that is less sturdy?

It is important in a relationship to have the support from your lover. And this goes for everything in life. Whether it is a problem or a celebration. Knowing that you have that special someone there to share EVERYTHING with makes life better.

Knowing that if you think the sun has stopped shining on your life that there is that person that stands beside you to help you see that it is only a little cloud coverage. And maybe sometimes it is a full blown hurricane but there is that strong arm around you that is supporting your weight so that you can continue to walk forward.

Read that again…I said SUPPORTING you, not holding you up. We all need to walk on our own. We all need to get through our cloudy days or stormy weather. Having the support and encouragement of your partner gives you another perspective of the situation and the energy to keep moving on.

There are so many things I would love to hear what Ole would say about them. I have little conversations in my head with him and imagine what his answers would be. It helps. It is not ideal but it gets me up and going. It helps to get me to keep moving forward.

Be the Support Beam Team with each other in your house of love. When there is one hand reaching out to help lift up the other that has momentarily fallen, it makes it SO MUCH EASIER to stand again. Then you can stand strong together, arm in arm, and yell….

In love and honour, in joy and disappointment, in sickness and in health, by standing strong with your arms around each other, knowing you are creating a stronger Support Beam Team, you can achieve great things in your life together and over come any dissapointments and sorrows.

Passionate regards….Brenda

How many of you have ever felt lonely and yet you were in a relationship? I know I have felt that. It was desperate times I tell ya. I think there are more people than will admit that they have felt lonely in love.

I just watched a fascinating interview that Brian Vaszily had with Dr. John Cacioppo who is the Director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at The University of Chicago. Loneliness is crippling our lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Dr. Cacioppo talked about how our physical body reacts to feeling lonely, how our social contacts react to our loneliness and what the symptoms and causes of being lonely are. It was an eye opener!

I saw myself in his descriptions. I saw family members in his words. Loneliness is a ‘silent killer’  as Brian put it. It can physically effect you and it can kill your relationship too.

When I was living with this old fart, the longer the relationship went on, the more lonely I became. I withdrew from my friends and social circles. I tried so hard to be connected to this man. But for whatever reason, there was just more space put between us with each day that passed. 

I can remember many times after we would have sex that I would turn over and cry into my pillow. I can’t say we made love because there was no love there. It was a very controlling and mentally abusive relationship. After sex I felt even more empty and lonely that I did before.

But I learned today from watching this interview what happened inside me. I learned more about what I was actually experiencing and why I felt like I did.

In that relationship, I did not feel secure in the fact that I could share my feelings with this man. I could not share my fears, beliefs or goals with him because he would have made fun of me, wouldn’t listen or become angry and abusive. There was no connection on any level so I guess I really have to count myself lucky I saw this early on and left.

That was NOT the case with Ole. We talked about EVERYTHING. There was nothing we would not have said to each other. He knew my deepest fears and desires and I knew his. The quality of our connection is what made our relationship so amazing.

Ole had such a gentle way about him. He got me to open parts of myself that I had never opened before with ANYONE. Ole got me to open my heart fully like I had never done before. I felt safe with Ole. I felt secure with Ole. I FELT LOVE WITH OLE.

After Ole died, there were many people that offered to come over to watch TV with me or just sit with me so I was not lonely. The odd thing was, I wasn’t lonely. BUT I was lonely for Ole.

I was lonely for the connection we had. I was lonely for the feeling I got being with him. I was lonely for his touch, his smell, his voice.

That  sounds kind of contradictory but it’s not. I have never been a lonely type person EVER in my life. I have always been very comfortable in my skin and with who I am. I think that is why being lonely in that past relationship was so hard. I didn’t understand this feeling of being lonely let alone in a relationship.

Then, when I met Ole, I absolutely felt complete. I felt like the bit of me that wasn’t there before, that bit I never knew was missing, had been found. I LOVED to be with Ole. I LOVED talking with him about the deeper questions in life as well as the frivolous daily banter. There was nothing off limits with Ole. 

So when Ole died, a part of ME died also. And I was lonely for that part. I still am but I am learning to live and cope with each new day as every day is the same, but yet, still different.

Being lonely in love is the worst feeling. I really don’t have any set answer for this problem only that you know what feels good for you and you should focus and act on that feeling.

I just knew, that if I stayed in that past relationship I would have physically died. My loneliness was killing me. I could feel that in my heart.

I would recommend this interview to everyone. Not only for yourself but for those around you that may need some help to feel that quality, personal connection to help erase their loneliness.

Here is the link  http://www.intenseexperiences.com/loneliness-help.html

Passionate regards….Brenda

Space…I am not talking about the final frontier that Captain Kirk was talking about. I want to talk about giving each other space in your relationship.

When you are new-in-love all you want to do is BE with that wonderful other person. You want to spend every moment with them; talking, touching, exploring, learning. But after a while we all need some space.

When Ole and I were married, I was 35 years old and had been living my life on my terms. I had no one to answer to or ask anything of. I did what I did when I wanted and that was that.

After we were married, we spent a LOT of time together. I loved it. I LOVED being with Ole. But the adjustment was hard on me in the fact that I had no space just for me. I mean time where I could go downtown and look around. Time I could spend looking at books in the book store. Time getting a pedicure or facial or whatever else I used to do on my own.

I just wanted a couple hours a week to be me and do the things I wanted to do without having to think about someone else and what they wanted to do. Does this make sense to you?

When I would tell Ole that I wanted this space to just recharge my batteries, he took it personal and would get very sad because he thought I didn’t want to be with him. That I really wanted to be alone. Which was not true.

It didn’t help that our first year of marriage was tough. Ole was in a new country and me being his only contact in that newness. And here I am telling him I want space. As well we were learning to live together and how we both fit into the other’s ideas of life, love and marriage.

During our exploration in our first year of finding a better way to live and grow our love, I found the space I was looking for. I could take an hour and go into the city and shop for clothes. Ole was never thrilled to do that anyway so it worked for both of us.

More times than not, I came home without any bags and purchases. He would be surprised because he thought my mission was to buy clothes. Not really. My mission was to recharge my batteries and make a little space for myself.

And more times than not, if I did buy something it was for him. I wanted to show him I appreciated the space in our relationship. Maybe that is not exactly what I said but that is what I meant when I gave him his ‘staying home’ gift.

There were times when Ole and I would go to the bookstore together and I still found my own space. He looked at what he was interested in and I did my thing. We were together at the store but giving each other the space we needed to regroup, recharge and explore on our own.

When you find that space to explore on your own, you come back to your partner and your relationship with something new. You have a new topic to discuss or explore together.

By enjoying, exploring and searching life on your own time and terms, you help your partner, yourself and the relationship grow to new heights and levels. When you stay stagnant and never discuss new topics, things get old pretty fast which can take a relationship down a really dark alley.

Space is very important in a relationship. If you are in constant contact and in each other’s space 24/7, one or both of you can begin to feel smothered, mothered, policed, controlled. Now that is getting into the negative emotions but it is possible.

Some people are afraid to give their partner space because it may give them the opportunity to find someone better. It may give them the opportunity to develop them self beyond the relationship. It may give them the opportunity to think their own thoughts and perhaps leave the relationship.

There is that old saying about setting something free and if it comes back its yours, if it doesn’t it never was. In some ways I think that is true in couples also. Being in a realtionship does not put you or your partner in a cage.

I have never been a believer in the old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It can work the other way around and make the heart forget. But a little space between can be so sweet.

Give your partner and yourself the gift of space. Allow each other the space to recharge to be a better half of the couple.

Space…is it really the final frontier? No, just another piece of the puzzle.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I am SO EXCITED I can hardly contain myself. I HAVE GREAT NEWS! The book Ole and I wrote so many years ago is NOW AVAILABLE!

We had so much fun writing this book knowing that it will help bring more love into other peoples lives. And it has.

It is an instant down loadable ebook that you can start using today to experience the most incredible love of your life. Just like Ole and I had

Click on the book cover above and it will take you to the order page. You will see pictures of us and can read about how we decided to write this book. As you scroll down to the bottom you will see the order buttons.

Life is a journey. Why not ride the train of passion, pleasure and unconditional love. If you are worried this is just another sex book, think again. There is SO MUCH MORE packed into this little volume of knowledge.

Start your journey to a more passionate, loving and peaceful relationship.

THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have just been reviewing my posts and reading the comments again. What a wonderful bunch of people coming here and leaving their thoughts about what I write. Thank you ALL… for your time and support.

I can only hope that what Ole and I experienced, talked about and taught in our seminars is helping other people.

We had an amazing marriage. People would always comment on how loving and affectionate we were. And that was our real life not just our public life.

When we drove, we would hold hands. When we walked we would hold hands and take time to steal a kiss or three. When we were at home and playing on the computer or watching TV (when we finally had channels to watch), we would sit close and rest our hand on each other’s leg or snuggle into each other.

We always touched.

It wasn’t that we made a conscious decision to touch but it was just something that we always did. Even out eating at a friend’s house, our legs or hands were touching under the table.

When Ole died, I think that was one of the things I miss most. His hand on mine or arms wrapped around each other. I always felt safe in his arms. Always.

Early in our relationship, and still today I notice that there are many couples that don’t touch. They are missing out on so much. Touch is fundamental in building a strong, healthy relationship.

Scientists have proven that babies will die without touch. They have shown with baby monkeys that even a surrogate mother of cloth that the babies could snuggle up to was better than no touch at all.

Ole and I read about and practiced Tantric sex. We were really starting to get interested in this not long before he died. So we really didn’t have a lot of time with it but it was very interesting and produced some amazing results in our relationship.

Some of the practices that we used regularly was about breath control and touch. There was one particular practice that was beyond words. It was all about creating the flow of energy between our two bodies and spirits.

You sit cross-legged across from one another. Your right hand rests on your lovers heart and theirs on your heart. Your left hand gently cups your lovers genital area and their left hand on yours. You can do this clothed or without clothes.

This is not about sex. You are connecting to each other through breath and energy.

Then you sit still and quiet and look into each other’s eyes. This is not a staring contest. You are allowed to relax and blink. But LOOK into your lover’s eyes. Feel their hands resting on your body and yours on them. Let your breathing synchronize with your lovers. You breath in together and out together.

Now feel the flow of energy that flows into your right hand from their heart through your body and out again from your left hand on their genitals. Your lover concentrates and feels this flow also all the while holding contact with your eyes.

This flow, this circle of energy between the two of you is phenomenal. You won’t believe how alive and wonderful you feel until you try this. The love that flows from your hands into your lovers body and from their hands into you is so tangible and real. Like your bodies have been plugged into an electrical socket. But it is your lover’s energy you are plugged into.

The emotions that would well up unexpectedly between Ole and I were amazing. The love we would feel flowing between us and through us was incredible.

Sometimes we would release through tears of joy and unconditional love. Then sometimes the tears would release the sadness that was sitting inside that we had not let go of. And sometimes we became high in our feelings and just sit and smile at each other.

Hold this position as long as you can. The more you practice the longer you can sit and hold this energy flow. We would aim for 15 minutes. That doesn’t sound like a long time but in the beginning it can be difficult to maintain this position for longer than 5 minutes. As you practice, the longer you will be able to sit.

At first you may feel awkward, a little silly and giggle a bit but persevere. It is worth the effort.

Just writing this the tears flow for both the love we had and the man I lost. I can feel that love flowing through me still as if we were sitting and doing this right now. This excersize is SO POWERFUL.

Stretch yourselves and your comfort zones. Soon you will be excited to try something new and adventurous. Soon you will seek out new experiences that will bring you both closer together.

Be adventurous in your relationship. Explore with your minds and your bodies and never be afraid to try something new and different that brings you closer together and expands your mind to new awareness.

I have gave you an incredible gift here today. The Power of Touch. The Power of Connecting. The Power Within Yourself.

A touch can say something that words can’t.

Passionate regards….Brenda