Some days I just want to crawl into a hole

Okay…have you ever been in the situation where something happens or someone says something and you react without thinking? Just jump right in and stick both feet in your mouth. Then kick yourself in the ass for a couple days after.

I think most people can relate to this. Especially when it comes to the person you are closest to.  Maybe it’s your lover, your best friend, or your family. And I am sure, if you are human, you have said or reacted to a stranger in a not-so-acceptable fashion also.

I am not judging or saying that these actions are okay. Like I said, I do it too. We are human and there is more than meets the eye at times.

I know with myself I tend to jump before I think when my mind is cluttered. I am thinking about the bills, my dogs, my Mom, my dead husband, my strange family and the list goes on.

I know there were times with Ole that I jumped before I thought. And that is my biggest regret. Of course we talked after the fact. We always talked and resolved our issues. And we talked more in the hospital about these times too, but I didn’t get more time to show him I meant what I said. That I was sorry for my actions. I didn’t get more time to show him how much I loved him and how important he was to me.

That is difficult to live with some days. Then I have to let it go. Hope that I won’t make the same insensitive mistakes with other people in my life. And sometimes I still do. My mind still gets cluttered with everyday thoughts and worries.

Then I think, how can I handle this situation better next time? What can I do to not be an ass and react in a more loving manner? How can I handle this situation without anger, yelling, closing down, feeling out of control and powerless?

This is what helped for Ole and me…

Take a minute and if you need to, walk away. Tell the other person you will talk to them in 10, 20 minutes. Take the time you need to collect yourself and your thoughts. THEN you can be more rational, respectful, kind and loving in your responses. Make sure you go back after the 10, 20 minutes and talk.

When Ole and I had issues (OK arguments…ya happy?), I would just tell him I could not talk to him right now. I would be fuming inside but I KNEW if I started talking then I would say something nasty and definitely regret it later.

We would sit down after 30 minutes or so and talk. I am not saying I would not still be angry but I WAS more calm and collected. I was very much in the moment and my thinking was only on the issue at hand.

Regrets…they are tough to let go of. But if we hold on to them, we can never move out of that spot. We can never find that better way to defuse a situation. The only thing we can do is learn from them and work on a better solution and mode of response the next time.

I hope this will open a door of new opportunities in communicating with the people around you. It really is amazing that when you come from a place of calmness and love, the resolution is so much easier.

Passionate regards….Brenda