I am going to start this post with a short video. You may have even seen it before but it shows how powerful your words are and how important it is to formulate what you want to say in the best way possible. It is less than 2 minutes and VERY powerful!

 
Are you wondering what that has to do with me and Ole? Everything!

We talked to each other a lot. We would ALWAYS end our day with a good talk in bed. We would connect each night this way on what happened and how we were feeling about what was going on in our lives.

Was this important? YOU BET! There are far too many couples that lose touch with each other because they don’t talk. They let the kids, their jobs, the families, their hobbies, their friends, and all the other things life consists of get in the way of being CONNECTED and TOGETHER. 

Just because 2 people live together does not mean they are communicating on a regular basis. Oh sure they do the “How was your day? What did you do? Did you pick up the milk? Will you get the kids today?” And so it goes. 

But they never get into the meat and potatoes of their relationship and find out what is happening in their hearts, minds and souls. This is where relationships are built and this is where a relationship grows stronger.

Think back to this little video you just watched. What did you FEEL when you watched it? Take a minute and do this. You might find out you haven’t been checking in with yourself either. So take a minute and think about what you felt as you watched this video.

I have watched this video several times and I get teary each time. The Power of Words….amazing isn’t it!

Maybe the reason why it touches me so deeply is because I know my words were not always so kind. I know I have hurt people deeply with things I have said in the heat of a moment. And once those words are expressed, there is no going back. You can apologize as many times as you want but the words still hang in the air. Even if the person you said them to forgives and forgets, you never do.

What I am suggesting is just be aware of how you talk to each other and other people in general. Notice the tone of your voice and the words you use. You can still ask your sweetheart, “How are you?”. But the way you ask will give it a whole new meaning showing them that you are truly interested in what their answer will be.

Choose your words wisely. They are the building blocks to a romantic, wonderful life with your partner that you never dreamed possible. Make sure the words you use come from your heart and not that place where you think “This is what they want to hear.”…because that place is empty. Those words hold no weight and can be blown away along with your sincerity and the trust of your partner.

The Power of Words! Words can destroy quicker than the blink of an eye. But just by taking a second to think before you speak, your words can also build a beautiful, loving amazing experience.

Passionate regards….Brenda

What causes you pleasure and pain in your relationship? I think we all know what brings us enormous amounts of pleasure in our relationship. But what about the pain half of the equation?

I agree that arguing with our better-half is a painful experience. I agree that being insensitive to your lover or them to you is painful. I agree that breaking up is maybe the most painful, short of actual physical pain.

I think that in many relationships there comes at least one time, the thought of ending the relationship. I have experienced that.

Our first year was difficult. The ‘honeymoon phase’ is a myth for many couples I believe. I had read so many times that this is the first phase of your marriage. Not ours I tell ya!

Ole and I both had strong ideas, opinions and needs when we became a couple. We both wanted different things perhaps. By that I mean where we wanted to grow and what we wanted to accomplish as a couple. It was very difficult for both us to have some of our needs met and this caused problems.

I can remember thinking I can’t go on this way. All we did was argue. At least that’s what it felt  at that moment. Then I would think about leaving and just getting out of this bad situation.

I would think about where I would live. What would I do for a job? I would think about what would Ole do? He was in a foreign country. He spoke excellent English but he didn’t know all the laws and rules land. What would happen to him?

That caused me a lot of pain. But the worst was yet to come. I would begin thinking about not waking up with him everyday. I would think about not laughing with him and not making love to him. I would think about not having him next to me to talk to when ever I wanted.

Then my heart, my pleasure center, would step into the conversation and would ask me “how could you EVER think you would want to live without him?” The anger would instantly stop and I would sob and howl at the thought that I was thinking about leaving my wonderful husband.

This shocking realisation made me think more clearly. Not acting out of my emotions but from my heart and head. I was willing to work through the problems and difficult times. I was willing to change in myself what I had to, to be able to have a better life with Ole. I was committed to our union and the love we shared. We both were.

In that first year, even when times were really hard for us which reflected in how we were handling our relationship, the pleasure I got from being with Ole was greater than the pain of thinking about leaving him. I have NEVER loved anyone as much as I loved him. And still do.

We talked a lot about what troubled us. We cried when we were frustrated and angry. We loved when we found a solution.

When Ole and I first moved back to Denmark, he was working with a company and he was gone from Monday morning until Thursday afternoon. I hated that we were separated like that. He hated it too.

Here I was, in a foreign country and the person I wanted to be with most was not available to me 24 hours everyday. So I watched a lot of movies. The worst were the sappy love stories or romantic comedies. By the end of the movie when the guy gets the girl and they were in each others arms, I was sobbing. Not just crying but SOBBING.

The pain of being away from Ole, even for those few days each week, was horrible. I would sit in our house and all I wanted was to feel his strong arms around me and his soft lips on mine. And yet he was in Copenhagen working and hating it as much as me. At that point, we had no idea how little time we had left together.

The pain of Ole’s death sits in my heart everyday. But the pleasure of having loved him for 9 years and experiencing a love like ours is greater than the pain I feel.

A least most days it is.

Passionate regards….Brenda

“Because that is what love does,” answered Papa.

I am loving this book ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I had yet another aha moment when I was reading the other day. This is a wonderful book I tell ya!

I got shivers up my spine when I read that line. I keep writing here how people saw the love Ole and I shared. I keep telling you how we would do anything for each other. I had a relationship of unconditional love with Ole “because that is what love does.”

I knew we loved each other heart and soul but until I read that line I really could not have told you why or how. Now I can.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

I have told you that we had a perfect relationship. I have never said we didn’t argue or get angry with each other. We are real people in a real world with real trials and triumphs. But our love was perfect because that is what love does.

I believe in our society we have many broken people. Okay, maybe more bruised and beat up. We grow up with our bruised and battered ideas of what a perfect relationship would look like, feel like. We have our fantasies of the perfect lover, husband or wife.

Then we meet that person that resembles our fantasy lover and we say YES! Dreams do come true. But when the veil of ‘new love’ is lifted and the real world starts to pounce on our perfect relationship. Then the dreams and fantasies are punished, caged or slaughtered and the love dies. Or what we thought was love.

It never happened with Ole and me. When we were married, a friend of Ole’s said to me that even if we get 5 good years together, at least we had that. There was no way I was getting married for just 5 good years. Neither was Ole. We were in this for the long haul, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Even when we were arguing, we still loved each other. There were times in the early days when we had many arguments that I would think I could not continue. But then I would think of the alternative of living without Ole….I would cry so hard. I could not imagine my life without him. I would sob almost as hard as I did when he died. So we woke up the next day and moved forward. I said FORWARD not on. We delt with our problems and grew in our love for each other.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

♥Love is forgiveness. If you hold on to the hurts there is no room for love. I was famous for holding a grudge when I was young. Hurt my feelings and I didn’t talk to you for years. Ole made me see how stupid that really was. I can’t give you specifics how he made me see that just that loving him did open my eyes.

I had put all my hurt in a cage and shut the door so it could never get out. The hurt would just sit in there and howl and bang on the walls in the very depths of my being. How could there be room for love in there? I had to open the door and let it out and move forward.

♥ Love is acceptance. We don’t all think alike and thank heavens for that. If you talked to any of my or Ole’s childhood friends, they would say the same about both of us. We were both different than the rest. The friends we had, the families we grew up in….we thought and were different from them.

In that difference we both saw a wonderful loving being in each other. I didn’t want Ole to change. Okay, I wanted him to chew with his mouth closed and put the toilet lid down. But other than that, I loved who he was and how he thought. He was the most wonderful man I have EVER met.

♥ Love is allowing. Allow the other person to be who they really are. We hide behind so many masks. We have the mask of mother, father, friend, daughter, son, employer, employee, baker, jailer, lover, alcoholic, abuser, slut… The list is endless and we choose at any given moment what mask is needed for any given situation.

We wear the masks because we are afraid. We are afraid that if people saw or knew the real person inside, maybe we would be rejected, ridiculed, abused or judged. But maybe we would really be loved, accepted and adored.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Open the cages in your soul and let the pain and hurt escape. Put away your masks and allow the beauty of your true self to shine. Revel in your different-ness and allow other people the same courtesy.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Passionate regards….Brenda