I am a little slow on what is happening in the world at times but I know where my focus is in my life. It is to bring more love into other people’s lives which brings more love into mine.

I received the latest newsletter from FinerMinds and there was a video link on it. From this link I clicked on a couple more and then I came to the Starbucks Love Project. WOW!

It brought me to tears!

There are many horrible events happening the world over. We have front row seats to many of them on our TVs. I don’t watch the news. I don’t read newspapers. I read the headlines on the Internet. I don’t even read all of them anymore as it all focuses on the nasty, terrible happenings in our world.

But the Starbucks Love Project turned the lightbulb on in my head. There were 156 countries that participated in this project. That is a lot of diverse people with different beliefs and cultures all focusing on one thing…LOVE.

The countries in this video are many of the same ones we see on the nightly news. It is sad we don’t see the encouraging pieces of information coming from our newscasters. If we saw more positive stories on our newscasts, think about how that would impact our world. WOW!

I believe this is the same in our relationships. Ole and I always focused on our love. Yes, you know from past posts that we argued, but that NEVER meant we didn’t love each other.

We listened to many couples talk about their relationships and what was wrong with this, that or the other person. That was their focus. They only saw the negative bits of their partner and their relationship.

When I would want to talk to Ole about something I wouldn’t first think ‘Oh..I hope this doesn’t end up in a huge argument’. That is only putting the focus on arguing instead of finding a solution or coming to some kind of an agreement.

I was talking with a friend the other day about going to a sweat lodge. We had been to one last year and both enjoyed it to no end. But she said she was scared to go because she was worried she would get claustrophobic in the sweat hut.

I asked her if she enjoyed it last time. She said yes. I asked her if she had a problem with it last time. She said no. I said then she should focus on what she liked and how great she felt instead of projecting the negative before it even happens. She lit up and said, “You’re right!”

The first 2½ to 3 years after Ole died I focused on death. I saw death all around me…funerals…hearses…roadkill…death on TV…sad death movies…it was awful. But I was so focused on dying that I was trying to will myself to die to be with Ole.  I know it sounds silly now, but I was so low in my energy and my thoughts.

When I finally woke up and realised that I was not dying, I decided that I better find a better way to live. If I have to be on this earth a while longer, I want to have the best life I can possibly have.

Now my focus is on living. I am paying attention to what I eat and most of all, what I think. I love the walks I take with my dogs whether it is sunny out or blustery and cold. I love going to work and talking with the people that have homecare. I love writing this blog and hoping that I am helping someone else have a better life.

I love the life I am creating. There…I said it!

It is not that I like being without Ole but I love the life I am creating without him. That dosn’t mean I don’t miss him every second of every day but I am learning to live with that. And I know he is still here with me in my heart and my thoughts. So that is better than nothing.

But I am not a sad-natured person. I love to laugh and have fun. I love to make other’s smile and laugh. I love to give people hugs and be hugged. I love to hug my dogs (and cat when she lets me).

We are bombarded with negative images, ideas, stories, movies, thoughts and other people’s beliefs. Has it gotten to the point where this is the norm? Only if that is what we focus on. Only if we allow our lives to run on autopilot and accept all this crap on a day to day basis.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will focus on the things that are wonderful, fun, loving and amazing in your life. Take the time to write 3 to 5 things everyday before you go to bed that makes you happy or are grateful for. Take the time to say out loud that you love your life.

Free yourself from the negative burden we sometimes unknowingly carry around just because it is thrown at us from all sides. Start throwing it back and release your focus from the nasty, horrible, scary things in this world to see the sun shine through the rain clouds and the love that is waiting to be acknowledged each and every moment of your life.

The Starbucks Love Project. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg 

FOCUS on the greatness in your life, your relationship and you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have had so many comments to the post Games People Play. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and comment on them. I am so happy that our marriage, love and ideas are helping other people find the love of their dreams.

What worries me is that there must be many people playing stupid games with their lovers. Why? What does this accomplish?

Are we really programmed to look for the negative in our lives? Do we believe someplace under our surface thoughts that our loving relationship will never last? That all good things must come to an end? Then we do something to screw it up to make sure we were right in believing that?

And of course, the destruction of our relationship is not due to any actions on our part. It is ALWAYS someone’s  fault other than our own that our love life fell apart (my heart is hurting just writing this).

Why can’t we look for the good in what we have? Ole and I held a couples seminar and one woman told us that she gets suspicious of her husband when he brings flowers home. She wonders if he has been out with another woman, something to hide, or make up for. YIKES!

I think it’s sad that her first thought wasn’t, “How sweet! You are so loving and kind to think of me.” Nope! Jump to the negative first. What a shame and possibly a waste of precious time because this will surely end up in a ‘discussion’.

We can retrain ourselves though. That is a fact. We can begin to focus on the good in our lives and our relationships. This is especially true for times when your mind wants to take you on the slanted slopes of mental slavery into the negative.

Ole and I had a book beside the bed.  Every night we would write in 3 to 5 things we were grateful for about each other. I was and still am always grateful for his love. We retrained our thinking patterns to look for the positive in our lives.

Eventually we found that we would only use it if we had been arguing because when you are upset and angry it is absolutely important to acknowledge the things you love about your partner. It is imperative to know that you can be angry with each other but still love one another.

And when your mind wants to jump on the ski hill to negative slavery, STOP! Stop the thought immediately. Don’t even go there because then you start slipping and before you know it you are at the bottom of the hill and angry. About what? Your own assumptions, beliefs and ideas about what is going on. These dangerous thoughts do not help in the truth of the situation.

If you start looking for all the nasty things, you will not have the vision to see and experience all the wonderful, loving adventures in your relationship. OK…Do this RIGHT NOW! Look around your room and count all the things that are red. You have 10 seconds. Hurry! LOOK NOW!

How many things did you see that were green? When all you want to see and focus on are the red things, your mind can not pick up on the green that is surely right in front of you.

It is the same in our relationships. Look for the love. Feel the love. Take a pleasure cruise on the Love Boat your whole life and leave behind the slippery slopes of mental slavery into the negative ( I’m just having a little fun with the imagery ).

Look for the good things in your life and relationship. With every day that passes, comes new and wonderful adventures in our lives. Even in the midst of heavy and sad times there is always something good.

I don’t have my husband here with me now but I can sure remember the love and good times we had. That brings me a lot of happiness knowing that we had such an incredible relationship that others always noticed and commented on.

And I still have my girls…2 dogs and a cat. They make me smile every day.

Look for the good in your life. We have so much to be thankful for.

Passionate regards….Brenda