I am so happy to say that I am back. I have something new…A NEW COMPUTER. It is wonderful to say the least. I guess 10 years is a long time to not upgrade to a new computer. I, like most other people, just get used to doing what I always do. Then one day, we are forced to try Something New.

Isn’t that the truth? We get into certain habits that just turn into our daily routines. We drive the same way to work or to the usual grocery stores. We tend to make the same culinary delights that we have learned and used for years. Yeah, sure we shake things up once in a while but I think for the most part, people are creatures of habit.

That goes for our romantic lives as well. We tend to stick to what we know, what works, and what we get used to. This includes how we romance our lovers and how we make love.

Sometimes we forget how exciting it is to try Something New in our lives. We get used to the same old stuff and it’s good enough. Life gets busy and we get a little more tired with jobs, kids, and all the rest that becomes our daily routines. Then we forget to look for the Something New to explore with.

Let me tell you, when you start bringing Something New, Something Exciting into your bedroom, you find a new energy in the rest of your life.

That was a great thing about Ole and I…we always looked for new ways to excite each other. We looked for new places to make love. We looked for new ideas to surprise the other with romance, intimacy and sex. We didn’t restrict this wanting to surprise the other just in the bedroom. This was our life in the kitchen, on road trips, and everything else.

I have a funny story to tell you. You will really think we lost our marbles but it was a lot of fun.

I came to Denmark to stay for a bit to see where things were going to go with Ole and I. I could stay for 3 months then I would have to leave the country again or apply to stay longer. We learned quickly that we fit together so well.

Ole had such ideas about life that I have never encountered in anyone else. He was very creative in so many areas. He didn’t see life like other people did. I guess that is why I fell in love with him.

One day Ole came into the bedroom with a sander, an electric sander…without the sandpaper of course. I looked at him and didn’t know what to expect. I voiced my reservations about this but he said just try it. Okay!

He had me lay down on the bed on my stomach then he started sanding my back, bumb, legs and arms with this machine. WOW! WOW! WOW! It had a lot of power in it, more than a regular viberator for sure. I was totally amazed how WONDERFUL it felt. And how arousing this strong vibrating sensation was.

That was not the last time we used the sander (without sandpaper) in our love making. And that was not the last time he came up with a winning idea.

I know it is so easy to get caught up in our everyday lives where we feel over worked and over whelmed that we just don’t feel we have the energy to try Something New. Little do we realise that when we bring Something New into our lives that it also brings with it a spark of electricy. It gives new life to our relationships. It infuses us with new energy.

I am putting a challenge out to you. Try Something New in your love making. Try Something New in preparing your daily meals. Try Something New in your life this week.

I know this new computer has me all fired up. I have so many ideas for blog posts. I am so excited to share these ideas and events in our life with you. I can hardly contain myself.

So what will your Something New be to tantalise your lover?

Go for the gusto! Try Something New!

Passionate regards….Brenda

When was the last time you challenged yourself? Maybe it was to accomplish a goal by a certain date or to achieve something great in sports. Maybe you wanted to learn something new and challenged yourself to do it?

Let me ask you this, when was the last time you challenged yourself to DO better, BE better in your relationship?

We focus so much on our outer world; our jobs, sports, hobbies, school, families. Sometimes our intimate relationships get pushed to the bottom of the list. We forget that our relationship with our wonderful other is one of our greatest challenges and achievements.

Ole and I were on a constant quest to learn more about how to have a great marriage. No we didn’t have kids to take care of but that doesn’t mean we had a lot of free time. But we still found the time to explore and learn to bring MORE into our marriage.

We challenged ourselves to be the best we could be in our marriage. And this meant learning about each other and relationships. We were very proud of the fact that people ALWAYS commented on what a loving relationship we had. But we also put a lot of work into our relationship too.

There are so many couples that don’t make it. I just wonder if they would have challenged themselves to BE more, DO more with each other, would they still decide to split up?

I believe that we focus on so much outside ourselves that we forget to focus on what is most important and just hope it will run on autopilot. We set financial, physical,  job related challenges and goals and we leave the most important part of our life, our relationship, to flow as best it can with little or no guidance.

How often do you hear anyone talking about they are setting a goal to learn 6 new sexual positions over the next 2 weeks? Or they have a goal to plan THE MOST romantic evening their partner could EVER imagine? Or they will learn 4 new places on their lovers body they like to be kissed, stroked, rubbed, or bit?

Not very often.

As we grow up we are not taught how to have a relationship. With the amount of divorces and single parents, it is difficult for kids to learn how to have a loving, long-term relationship because kids learn these things by example.

Again, I am not judging, just stating facts. I don’t know what has happened in people’s lives to bring them to the place that they are. We all make our own decisions and mistakes. I am not placing blame on anyone.

I am just suggesting that if couples would challenge them self or each other to learn more about love, making love and living in love, maybe we would have less divorces and single parents.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house with both my parents. But that does not mean I learned how to have a great relationship with Ole. I am sure my parents loved each other but they didn’t hug and kiss in front of us. Well, Christmas morning, birthdays, that kind of thing they would give each other a little squeeze and kiss.

But my Mom has a temper and I learned how to yell. I learned that is how you argue with your husband (but it’s not the best way for sure). I don’t remember how often Mom would yell at Dad but I guess it was often enough. And then she wouldn’t talk to him after.

In high school, I watched how the kids dated. When I worked in the bars, I watched how people, lovers, treated each other. I wasn’t impressed so I never dated. But that doesn’t mean I never had ‘relationships’ with men. I just didn’t want anything long-term because I didn’t like what I had seen in my family’s relationships or most people around me.

I was fascinated with relationships and sex long before I met Ole and read more books than I can count. It was exciting to try new things. It was interesting to learn about the dynamics of a relationship. And when Ole and I got married, I was even more interested to learn, as was he.

Decide today that you will challenge yourself to learn something exciting, new, interesting, adventurous to bring more joy and love into your relationship. Challenge yourself to be all that you can be in your love affair and then push yourself that little bit extra.

If we put as much effort into our relationships as we do our sports, hobbies or watching TV, we all would have relationships that would grow and flourish into the romance of the century.

Be Bold! Be Brave! Be Adventurous! Challenge yourself to BE MORE in your relationship. The results are worth it.

Passioante regards….Brenda

I was listening to Bob Proctor and his Six Minutes to Success program. He was talking about sex(the noun).  He said we have a lot of misunderstanding about sex. I have to agree with him. Where do you stand? Is it good, bad or otherwise?

There is so much tabu about sex and talking openly about it. Yet we can talk easily about the war, bloody accidents, fights, angry situations and the graphic scenes we see in movies of murder, rape, child abuse etc.

 But if you start talking about sex, people get all twittery and shy. Or else they just shut you down or shut you out. WHY?

I believe there is sex(the verb) and there is making love. And there is a definite difference. Sex is the one-night-stands. Sex is the 10 minute quickies. Sex is about just seeking that adreneline rush you get from having intercourse and the orgasmic release you feel in your body. Sex is a lot about looking out for your own gratification.

But making love is something totally different. When you make love you engage ALL your senses. You feel every caress to the Nth degree. Each kiss is savoured like a delicious dessert. The dance of 2 loving people in the horizontal position is as beautiful as a ballet.

And as your own mind and body are whirling in this amazing feeling dance, you are very aware of your partner and what they feel as well. You are focused as much on their body and that they should experience incredible titillating sensations as you are on your own self.

Sensual. Sexual. Exciting. Building to a crescendo with each touch, with each kiss, with each thrust. You engauge ALL of your senses. Your smell is heightened. Your skin tingles. Your body pulses. It’s the most amazing thing to make love with someone you are in love with.

I remember asking a girlfriend one time what it was like to make love to man you are in love with. She said she could not describe how wonderful it felt. But she said that once you do, you will know the difference. She was absolutely right!

When I would make love to Ole, I knew exactly what she was talking about. The feelings, the sensations, EVERYTHING was different. I had never made love before. I had only had sex. I knew that then.

So back to Bob Proctor…he said that when two people are in rapport with their ideas and emotions, they have a great physical relationship. I absolutely agree with him!

We think foreplay is just the part that gets your mind and body in the mood for intercourse. But it is more than that. We engage in foreplay almost all of the time.

Every time you run your hand across your lover’s shoulders, every time you talk about your hopes, dreams, ideas and fears, you are engaging in foreplay. Bob Proctor calls it rapport.

Now think about this. If the person you are in an intimate and sexual relationship with was not someone you liked to talk to, share your thoughts, hopes and fears with, or have anything in common, do you think that your sex life would be so great? NO!

Our minds and emotions must be involved in the sexual experience to make it a mind blowing event.

Try it! The next time you are going to make love to your sweetheart, don’t think about anything. NOTHING!

You cannot think about where their hands are touching you. You cannot see the colors as you close your eyes and allow your soul to be swept away in a river of sensuality and excitement. You cannot let your heart explode with love when they drive your body to the brink of release.  You can only focus on your body and the release you are seeking.

Can you do that? I doubt it.

BUT! If you were just having sex with someone, you could do that. You could just get lost inside your own physical senses and have your fun.

And the reason you can do this when you are having that one-night-stand is because there is no rapport. There is no connection of the mind the same way you have when you get to know another person and the way you feel when you give your heart to your partner and share with them your life.

Ole and I had quickies. They were great in that moment. But I loved MAKING LOVE with Ole. We took our time and prolonged the experience. We savoured each moment. We would never have been able to connect on the deep levels we did without being in rapport, without getting to KNOW each other.

Get in rapport, get in tune, get in harmony with your lover. You will never have to think about if sex is good, bad or otherwise. And you will feel the difference when you make love.

Passionate regards….Brenda

What does that mean to you to go on a Romantic Getaway? Take the weekend and go to a fancy 5 star hotel? Find a wonderful spa for you and your lover to indulge your every pampered thought and desire? Me too!

How about a camping trip when it is a little too cold for camping?

Imagine this…

It was end of April in the Rocky Mountains and Ole, my husband, came to pick me up from work. He sported a Cheshire grin and I said what’s up. He said he had a surprise for me. He was taking me away for a night of fun and passion.

I was excited. I thought hotel? Jacuzzi? Romantic Dinner? All of the above? Loving in luxury is always a favorite of mine.

Luxury it wasn’t. We started by stopping at Subway Subs for a snack for the road. Ole said he had supper under control but it would be a little while before we would eat so we should have something to tide us over till then.

When we settled back into the truck Ole ginned again and said he had been shopping. Now we are back on track I thought. Maybe some new love toys to use in our beautiful hotel room. I said great, where? His answer: Canadian Tire! I knew that this was not going to be what I expected.

We were going camping! We drove for about 3 hours then started to look for a secluded spot. Ole wanted a place where we can just set up. Not a campground with other people. Someplace we could relax and spend time together. 

We found a little clearing on the side of the road. It had a small stream running by it. It was so pretty and quiet. We set up the tent and pumped up the new air mattress from Canadian Tire. We had to have a tarp over the fire pit as it started to rain a little. Ole had bought a couple really nice steaks and made up potatoes with carrots and onions in a foil pouch. What a wonderful meal.

Ole also bought some fishing equipment. I had never fished before in my life. But he thought it would be fun and something relaxing to do together. And we could do this while our supper cooked. So we put on our insulated coveralls and boots because with night coming and the rain, it was getting cold, and we started fishing.

He was right. It was a great way to connect and enjoy time together. Something we had not tried before.  We didn’t fish long as it was getting dark and we thought we could snuggle around the fire and eat the wonderful meal that he had prepared for us. It was delicious. Good food. Good wine. Great company! What more could I ask for?

After supper we were feeling a little amorous and decided we should try out our new bed. The mood didn’t last long once we started taking off our clothes. IT WAS COLD! We decided it might be best to leave our insulated coveralls on and go to sleep. Then we can share a great breakfast of coffee cooked on the open fire and bacon and eggs.

When the air in the mattress cools off it gets really cold! We tossed and turned and fidgeted until 3 or 4 am. I asked if he was sleeping and he said no. I said why don’t we go home? Ole said he was just thinking the same thing. It is no easy task to take down a camp site at 4am in the dark and the tent is covered in a sheet of ice.

When we got home around 7am, we took a long hot shower together. Crawled into bed and made love. We were content, warm, happy and in love. It was a wonderful romantic getaway.

Romantic getaways are what you make them. This could have been a disaster if all I did was complain and crab about the cold, the rain and camping. But Ole took such pleasure in organizing this trip and was so excited to do this FOR me, I was swept off my feet with his tender gesture.

Be open to the romance in the situation. Open your eyes and your heart to see the love and the fantasy in the moment. You will be so very happy that you did.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I saw the greatest commercial while watching the Grey Cup yesterday. A woman was talking about how much sports her and her husband watch. How they started watching football and hockey and then they began to watch so much sports on TV that they were watching darts.

Then she says ‘Then my husband found Viagra…we don’t watch sports anymore!’

I loved it! It was so honest and I could absolutely relate. Ole and I didn’t watch sports. He didn’t like them and I really only liked watching the CFL when Saskatchewan Rough Riders play. But there were times when we would get involved in a project and loose our perspective, if I can put it that way.

And we heard others tell us that in our couples seminars how everyday life interferes with their love life. They get caught up in kids and jobs and social activies and housework and everything else that a life is built around. Then they forget to make love. They are too tired or preoccupied.

I am not suggesting that Viagra is the answer, although for some it may be. I am saying we have to remember to love that wonderful ’other’ in our life. We have to take the time to snuggle and kiss and make love. I mean MAKE LOVE, not a quickie 15 minute jump.

When you kiss each other goodbye, do you peck or do you KISS? Do you hold each other and loose yourself in your lover’s eyes and feel the passion in your heart and love muscles? Hold each other for a full 2 or 3 minutes, then release with hearts open and streaming the love that flows between you?

Love is like a delicate plant. We have to feed it and water it and pay attention to it or it will die. It is vulnerable. And it is strong. It is the giver of life and purpose. Love is the MOST amazing feeling there is in this human existence. You can change the world with love. But we must nurture it or it withers, fades and dies.

Be conscious of your love. Do the little things that make this delicate plant grow into a strong and mighty tree with roots that run forever deep and forever long. Take the time to hold each other and say ‘I love you’ with passion and feeling and meaning.

Love is not about sex. Love is about MAKING LOVE. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. Hold your lover. Talk to your lover. Grow your own forest from this one delicate little sprig of love.

‘When you talk you get understanding and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.’    Ole Poulsen 1973 – 2006

Let the peace of understanding grow a magnificent love in your life. There will always be something to do, kids to watch and jobs to go to.

But without love, it is all really very empty.

Passionate regards….Brenda