When you think about planning a Romantic Getaway, what do think about? Soft music, candle light, fireplace, exotic retreats?

That is the standards I guess for Romantic Getaways, but have you ever thought about Monster Trucks, skydiving, drive-in movie? Most people don’t think about these as Romantic Getaways but they can make the candle light and soft music seem lame in comparison.

Like I have said before, you wouldn’t take a person that hates fishing on a fishing trip. But sometimes, we design these enchanting moments to reflect OUR desires and that which could be pleasing, enjoyable and sexy to our partner.

But have you ever thought about what your partner finds REALLY EXCITING? Maybe your man has always wanted to go up in a hot air balloon but never has for various reasons. How thrilled would he be if you bought him a trip and said you would pick him up at the other end. Greet him with a picnic basket and a blanket where you can lounge and hear all about his experience. How HOT would he think you are? SMOKIN’!

Maybe that wonderful lady in your life has always wanted someone to come in and organise her kitchen or learn to play a guitar. But she has never pursued it for whatever reasons. Would you be the best boy on the block if you made this little dream come true? ABSOLUTELY! You would be smothered with kisses.

Think about when you have done something really exciting. You were filled with life and energy. You felt great and invincible. And you couldn’t wait to get home to your lover and tell him all about this moment you just had. You just wanted to hug and kiss him because you were filled with this amazing feeling and wanted to share it.

We are so conditioned to think of romance as soft and intimate and that it involves sitting across from each other holding hands while you talk in hushed tones and look longingly into each other’s eyes. 

But it is SO much more.

Unselfish acts of kindness are extremely romantic.

Think about how romantic it is when a person goes to a homeless shelter and helps in the kitchen. Think about how romantic it is when a person goes to a convalescent home and talks with the people that live there just to brighten their day. Think about how romantic it is when you lover offers to babysit for a friend so they can go out for a romantic dinner alone.

These are ALL Romantic Getaways. Not in the traditional sense but there is a romantic energy that flows through them. And you would look at your lover in a more romantic and loving way when you hear what they did. When you see them talking with people that just need a friend.

When Ole was in the hospital and should start his chemo, I was so beside myself. There was no way I could have went home and left him there. I slept in a chair beside his bed and held his hand or had my foot resting against his leg. I needed to know he was there and that I was there for him if he needed anything.

When he woke up the next day after that first night of chemo, he looked at me and asked if I had been there all night. I said of course I had. He smiled the softest smile and said, “How romantic.”  There were no candles or soft music but there was so much romance and love in that room it could have filled a million restaurants in Paris.

In fact, I didn’t go home until Ole did. The hospital brought a bed into his room and let me stay with him the whole week. Was this a Romantic Getaway that we would have dreamed of having with each other? I think not. But there was a thread of romance through it in a tragic and sad way. That week was extremely intimate and so much love flowed between us on deeper levels.

Now I am not saying to give up the candle light dinners for a soup kitchen. But once in a while it would bring more adventure, more spice, more dimension into your relationship.

We get caught in conditioned thinking not just in our relationships but our lives. We get caught in someone else’s thoughts and ideas what something should or shouldn’t look like, feel like, be like.

Put on your romantic thinking caps and see if you can’t explore the idea of Romantic Getaways from a totally new perspective. The connection you and your lover will experience will be deeper, more joyful and more loving.

Passionate regards….Brenda

How has your week been? Have you let your unconditional love shine through for all to bask in? Feels like the warmth of a beautiful sunny day pouring over you. That goes for both the receiver and the giver!

I have a question for you. Have you ever taken the time to pick out the perfect gift, bouquet, poem or card, or planned THE perfect date to give to that special person in your life and it blew-up like a bomb right in your face as well as your heart? You thought that you had THE PERFECT thing to show how much you cared for this other person and they went crazy.

This has happened to me. I was living with a guy and I wanted to be able to give him a beautiful night with no cares and away from the hectic business he ran. I wanted to just give him a beautiful night off from the headaches and the hassles of clients and everything else in the office.

I had made reservations at a wonderful restaurant and then we were going to go spend the night in a gorgeous B & B. The room was Victorian and I asked for a decadent dessert to be waiting in the room when we arrived. I had candles and flowers, it was beautiful! And perfect, or so I thought.

We went for dinner. All through dinner all he did was grumble and complain about one thing or another. I kept my positive attitude and figured once we got to the B & B, he would relax and start to enjoy himself. Man, what a mistake that was! We walked in and he flipped. He didn’t have time for this blah, blah, blah.

Long story short, he left, I was in tears and the relaxing, romantic night I had planned was a huge bust. I was hurt and angry for a long time, even after we went our separate ways. But I know now that I gave him what ‘I’ wanted. Not what he needed. He needed to work out what was bugging him at the office not have a night off. It may have been a great surprise if my timing would have been better.

Sometimes the best gift we can give to another is just our love and attention. Be aware of what your lover, wife, husband really needs at that moment. The diamond bracelet may seem showy and money poorly spent if their attention is on the less fortunate or if they are worried about your current financial situation.

When you express your love in the form of a gift, make sure it is something the person you are giving it to wants. You wouldn’t give a fishing rod to a person that hates fishing. Why would you give roses to someone with an allergy to flowers? There are many ways to express your love and appreciation to another so show them in their terms.

Think of it this way! If you spoke a foreign language and wanted to show your love to another, you could TELL them all day and if they didn’t understand your words, they would not get the message. But if you told them, looked deep into their eyes, took this person in your arms and kissed them passionately, they would get the drift!

There are times when two people have been together for a while that they forget to pay attention. They go about their everyday business and just expect that their partner KNOWS what they want, thinks, feels. But people change and at a rapid rate these days. There aren’t many bonafide mind readers so we have to keep checking in with our lover and keep current with their ideas and beliefs. Not saying that you have to believe as they do. Just so you know what is going on inside them.

So for this week, pay attention to how you show your love for others. Do you give gifts that YOU like or that THEY WOULD LIKE? Do you KNOW what interests your sweetheart or do you assume what they are interested in?

Write notes if it helps you to remember. Then you will know that they prefer daisies over irises. Then you will know that you can’t go to a seafood restaurant because they don’t like the smell of cooked fish. Or whatever the like or dislike may be.

Our lives speed by so quickly and we get wrapped up in what we are doing that to pay attention to the small things gets forgotten. Take a moment this week and do yourself a favor. ASK QUESTIONS! Even if you think you KNOW the answers, ask anyway. You may find out some very interesting things about those that are closest to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

Not many people know the difference between romance and intimacy. Many people think if you have one you have the other but that is far from the truth.

First, I think so you can understand what I mean, I will give you the definition of both. These definitions come from the Gage The Senior Dictionary.

Romance: a love story, a story of adventure, a story or poem telling of heroes, real events or conditions that are like such stories, full of love, excitement, or noble deeds, an interest in adventure and love, a love affair, a false or extravagant story.

Intimate: very familiar, known very well, closely acquainted, close, very personal, most private, far within, a close friend.

Intimacy: the state of being intimate, close acquaintance, a familiar or intimate act

To be intimate with another person means to KNOW them. Know what they think, what they feel, what they believe, what they wish for. Being intimate means to know another persons fears and what they love. Being intimate with someone means you know everything there is to know about them and continue to learn more.

When you are romantic….well do I need to tell you? If you don’t know what it is to be romantic, go to the book store or library and get educated. Become a student of the fine art of seduction and romance.

I want to focus on intimacy though. We can be intimate with many people in our lives in many ways on different levels. Think about your closest friend. Are you intimate with them? If they are your CLOSEST friend, I would have to say yes. I am not talking about sleeping with them, but I bet you know things about your friend that others don’t.

Now think about your lover. Are you intimate with them? Really think for just a minute. You are intimate on the physical level but do you really know them? Do you know what they fear, love, wish for and so on?

Ole and I had a great advantage when we were ‘dating’. Our dates consisted of talking on the phone because he was in Denmark and I was in Yukon, Canada. So we would talk for at least an hour per phone call and sometimes twice a day. We talked almost every day for 3 months before I went to Denmark to celebrate New Years with him.

After I came home from a 3 week holiday, we continued to talk for another 2 months before I went to Denmark to live and see where our relationship was going.

I got to know Ole better than most people who see each other every day because we romanced each other with our words which led to the deep intimacy of our relationship. Now understand that our conversations were not all flowery and smoochy and all that kissy stuff.

WE TALKED. WE LISTENED. WE WERE INTIMATE.

I felt so close to Ole in a way I have never felt with anybody before because I got to KNOW him. We would be talking about something and I would be blown away with his depth and knowledge. I would ask him, “How can you know that? You are only 24 years old!” He was amazing. He opened my eyes to look at the world in so many different ways.

As we talked, I opened myself to him also. I let Ole into places within me that others have never heard nor seen. He knew by looking at my eyes that my mood had changed. We heard so often that our relationship was closer than some couples that had been married for 50 years.

Ole definitely made me a better person because of who he was. I am forever grateful to have had him in my life. He is still and always will be in my life. I have never been so intimate with anyone before. Both physically and emotionally, as well as spiritually. I feel so lucky to have shared so much with such a (I am struggling for a word here because there is not one word to describe my husband) wonderful,amazing, intelligent man.

I found this quote shortly after Ole died. I would have love to have shared it with him as it was exactly how I felt.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. - Elizabeth Barret Browning

Romance alone cannot make a person love. INTIMACY is the true way to the heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda

In a couple days it is Valentine’s Day. How many are really looking forward to this day and how many are just going through the motions because they feel that is what is expected?

I was thinking about this yesterday when I saw two young guys walking out of the store. The one fella had a bunch of roses but the way he carried them just spoke volumes about why he bought them.

He grabbed them around the stems and they dangled by his leg as he walked. He wasn’t treating them special or tender or with any care at all. They weren’t even wrapped to protect them against winter’s chill. But, this is just what you do on Valentine’s Day.

Then I thought about the young lady I presumed he had bought them for. Did he treat her with the same disconnected interest as he did those beautiful red roses? Did he think she was so easily bought with a bunch of flowers that he treated so nonchalantly? Maybe. I can’t say for sure because I never talked to him.

If you are going to celebrate your love for each other on Valentine’s Day, mean it! Don’t just do it half heartedly because this is what is expected. Buy the beautiful flowers and chocolates. Go out for a romantic dinner with love in you heart and not lust.

If you are wooing your sweety with all the flash on Valentine’s with only thoughts of getting lucky that night, STOP! That isn’t what it is about. This is one day of the year we allow ourselves to savor the romance. For some, to go all out and play the part of a LOVER.

Now notice the word LOVER. It has LOVE in it. If Valentine’s Day was all about getting laid then everyday is Valentine’s day because there are people all over the world at any given time taking someone out for a fancy meal with flowers, chocolates and jewelry. Then they go to a hotel and have sex and the money is put on the dresser and the date is over.

Get my meaning here?

Life is so fast these days. We start the work week on a Monday and before you know it, Friday is here. The weekend skips by at the speed of light and we begin again.

Slow down for just one day. Give your undivided attention to your lover with only thoughts of making them feel amazing. Make your special someone feel like a king or queen just for one day. And this doesn’t neccessarily mean you have to spend a ton of money to do this. You can be just as romantic and amazing at home as you can when you go out.

Better yet, do this 365 days a year. When you shower your sweetheart with love and attention, everyday is Valentine’s Day. Every day is special and amazing.

If we all put as much time into our relationships as we spend waching a TV series or a sport, we would have a lot of happy couples. The divorce rate would come down. We would have happier children. There would be less crime.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day if you will. Then continue to flow that love the rest of the year. Make every day special. Make every day memorable.

Passionate regards….Brenda

“Because that is what love does,” answered Papa.

I am loving this book ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I had yet another aha moment when I was reading the other day. This is a wonderful book I tell ya!

I got shivers up my spine when I read that line. I keep writing here how people saw the love Ole and I shared. I keep telling you how we would do anything for each other. I had a relationship of unconditional love with Ole “because that is what love does.”

I knew we loved each other heart and soul but until I read that line I really could not have told you why or how. Now I can.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

I have told you that we had a perfect relationship. I have never said we didn’t argue or get angry with each other. We are real people in a real world with real trials and triumphs. But our love was perfect because that is what love does.

I believe in our society we have many broken people. Okay, maybe more bruised and beat up. We grow up with our bruised and battered ideas of what a perfect relationship would look like, feel like. We have our fantasies of the perfect lover, husband or wife.

Then we meet that person that resembles our fantasy lover and we say YES! Dreams do come true. But when the veil of ‘new love’ is lifted and the real world starts to pounce on our perfect relationship. Then the dreams and fantasies are punished, caged or slaughtered and the love dies. Or what we thought was love.

It never happened with Ole and me. When we were married, a friend of Ole’s said to me that even if we get 5 good years together, at least we had that. There was no way I was getting married for just 5 good years. Neither was Ole. We were in this for the long haul, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Even when we were arguing, we still loved each other. There were times in the early days when we had many arguments that I would think I could not continue. But then I would think of the alternative of living without Ole….I would cry so hard. I could not imagine my life without him. I would sob almost as hard as I did when he died. So we woke up the next day and moved forward. I said FORWARD not on. We delt with our problems and grew in our love for each other.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

♥Love is forgiveness. If you hold on to the hurts there is no room for love. I was famous for holding a grudge when I was young. Hurt my feelings and I didn’t talk to you for years. Ole made me see how stupid that really was. I can’t give you specifics how he made me see that just that loving him did open my eyes.

I had put all my hurt in a cage and shut the door so it could never get out. The hurt would just sit in there and howl and bang on the walls in the very depths of my being. How could there be room for love in there? I had to open the door and let it out and move forward.

♥ Love is acceptance. We don’t all think alike and thank heavens for that. If you talked to any of my or Ole’s childhood friends, they would say the same about both of us. We were both different than the rest. The friends we had, the families we grew up in….we thought and were different from them.

In that difference we both saw a wonderful loving being in each other. I didn’t want Ole to change. Okay, I wanted him to chew with his mouth closed and put the toilet lid down. But other than that, I loved who he was and how he thought. He was the most wonderful man I have EVER met.

♥ Love is allowing. Allow the other person to be who they really are. We hide behind so many masks. We have the mask of mother, father, friend, daughter, son, employer, employee, baker, jailer, lover, alcoholic, abuser, slut… The list is endless and we choose at any given moment what mask is needed for any given situation.

We wear the masks because we are afraid. We are afraid that if people saw or knew the real person inside, maybe we would be rejected, ridiculed, abused or judged. But maybe we would really be loved, accepted and adored.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Open the cages in your soul and let the pain and hurt escape. Put away your masks and allow the beauty of your true self to shine. Revel in your different-ness and allow other people the same courtesy.

♥ Because that is what love does ♥

Passionate regards….Brenda

I was just reading an article on minimalist lifestyle that a fellow twitter, @RobLear posted the link to. You can read the article here if you are interested http://is.gd/2m12u

It made me think about relationships and the all the stuff we do that just ‘fills’ a day. How much of it REALLY counts?I am not saying we should take our relationships to a minimalist exisitance but that we CAN become aware of what we do in our relationships that really produce wonderful results.

For instance, a kiss. How many times do you just peck your partner upon waking, saying good-bye or a greeting peck-kiss? Yes, this does impart affection but imagine if you took your lover in your arms before you left for work and made that kiss count.

Imagine passion enveloping the both of you in that kiss. Your eyes meeting, the tenderness of your embrace, the anticipation of your lips joining…sigh. Then…you KISS. You hold each other and fall passionately in love all over again for that 2 minutes you decided to Make Everything You Do Count.

Now imagine returning home. Your lover will be waiting for you, anticipating what comes next. You will be anxious to get home to hold your darling once more and dive into that feeling of love and bliss.  You made that kiss count. How beautiful that a kiss can open hearts to feel so much.

But what about in the other areas of your life together. Ole and I heard couples talk about how one would do most of the household chores while the other turned a blind eye. It can build into a real problem for some people to the point of huge arguments.

If you are reading this and nodding your head in agreement you are either the one doing the chores or the one that is being yelled at for being lazy. So what is the solution…Make Everything You Do Count! And I don’t mean this in a ‘get brownie points’ kind of way.

If you are the person that is doing the chores and most likely the yelling, stop for a moment and ask what you can do different in this situation. Some people just expect that the other person will see you picking up and cleaning the house and join in. That could be a dream you are living in…yes?

Go to your partner and tell them you are feeling a little amourous but the house is putting a damper on your mood. If your lover would help with the household chores, you could enjoy some love-time together after. And with their help, it won’t take so long. Of course this is a bribe but what a delicious reward.

Your love-time could be anything that makes you both feel connected and wonderful and totally loved and in-love. You can snuggle on the couch, watch a movie, go for a walk and hold hands, talk, make love, sit in the car and make out, watch the sunset. You decide but make it count. Don’t set a time limit. Just let your love flow and your hearts open.

Now, the person that is usually the recipient of the anger and accusations of being lazy…Make Everything You Do Count! Get off your butt and help. I know it is easy to get lost in a project and completely loose focus of the outside world. But you have to open your sights a bit. It’s Saturday and that is the day the house gets cleaned but you sit at your latest project and poof! The world disappears.

Before you go to that project or the tv or out to the garage, go to your sweety and say you would like to help with the Saturday chores so that you have more time to be together after. Or that you both can enjoy your projects when things are done.

Back to the first person…be patient. Your lover may not do or clean the way you do but they are giving their best. So be happy they are helping. No critisizing or complaining. Offer suggestions how they can achieve better results. Make Everything You Do Count!

Back to the second person…understand that your lover is not critisizing you. There are some things we are good at and some we are not. So take the advise and run with it. Learn from the master so to speak. Make Everything You Do Count!

Ole would help me around house. In the beginning I would get riled up because he didn’t do things the way I wanted or whatever. But then I realised at least he was helping. So if there was a specific way I wanted something done,  I would ask him to do it like such and such. No yelling. No demanding. No making him feel upset or sad. And the same went for him when I was helping him.

We LOVED being together. Didn’t matter if we were cleaning house or collecting firewood or watching a movie, it was great.

Make Everything You Do Count! You don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

Passionate regards….Brenda

Welcome! This is my first EVER blog post. This is Number 1. I want to make this blog memorable and meaningful to you and your love life. I want to deliver top quality information so YOU will feel that this blog is Number 1.

I am pumped and ready to seduce you into a loving and joyous life with your partner of choice. If you have questions about bringing more love into your life, please feel free to let me know. You are important to me and you, my dear lovers and readers, are Number 1 to me.

Which brings me to a question for you. Who is your Number 1? Who do you dream of and get butterflies in your belly when you think about them or see them?  Who lights your fires of desire?

Do you show this dream lover how much they mean to you? Or do you just think about it and go on with your day without saying a word? Do you let them know that they are your Number 1?

Life today is so fast paced. Sometimes we just ‘expect’ our lover to KNOW that we care, desire, want, enjoy, and love them. Then we forget to tell that wonderful man or woman how much they mean to us today, tomorrow and yesterday.

We forget to say thank you for cleaning up after me. Thank you for picking up the kids. Thank you for being here and loving me. Thank you for being you.

We all want to be acknowledged and appreciated. It is a natural human desire. When we appreciate what our lover does for us or just appreciate them for being who they are, your world shifts. You come into harmony with each other because you have acknowledged them from your heart with appreciation for who they are and the things they do.

Trust me. The more you say Thank You to your lover, the sweeter your home life becomes.

Passionate regards….Brenda