When was the last time you challenged yourself? Maybe it was to accomplish a goal by a certain date or to achieve something great in sports. Maybe you wanted to learn something new and challenged yourself to do it?

Let me ask you this, when was the last time you challenged yourself to DO better, BE better in your relationship?

We focus so much on our outer world; our jobs, sports, hobbies, school, families. Sometimes our intimate relationships get pushed to the bottom of the list. We forget that our relationship with our wonderful other is one of our greatest challenges and achievements.

Ole and I were on a constant quest to learn more about how to have a great marriage. No we didn’t have kids to take care of but that doesn’t mean we had a lot of free time. But we still found the time to explore and learn to bring MORE into our marriage.

We challenged ourselves to be the best we could be in our marriage. And this meant learning about each other and relationships. We were very proud of the fact that people ALWAYS commented on what a loving relationship we had. But we also put a lot of work into our relationship too.

There are so many couples that don’t make it. I just wonder if they would have challenged themselves to BE more, DO more with each other, would they still decide to split up?

I believe that we focus on so much outside ourselves that we forget to focus on what is most important and just hope it will run on autopilot. We set financial, physical,  job related challenges and goals and we leave the most important part of our life, our relationship, to flow as best it can with little or no guidance.

How often do you hear anyone talking about they are setting a goal to learn 6 new sexual positions over the next 2 weeks? Or they have a goal to plan THE MOST romantic evening their partner could EVER imagine? Or they will learn 4 new places on their lovers body they like to be kissed, stroked, rubbed, or bit?

Not very often.

As we grow up we are not taught how to have a relationship. With the amount of divorces and single parents, it is difficult for kids to learn how to have a loving, long-term relationship because kids learn these things by example.

Again, I am not judging, just stating facts. I don’t know what has happened in people’s lives to bring them to the place that they are. We all make our own decisions and mistakes. I am not placing blame on anyone.

I am just suggesting that if couples would challenge them self or each other to learn more about love, making love and living in love, maybe we would have less divorces and single parents.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house with both my parents. But that does not mean I learned how to have a great relationship with Ole. I am sure my parents loved each other but they didn’t hug and kiss in front of us. Well, Christmas morning, birthdays, that kind of thing they would give each other a little squeeze and kiss.

But my Mom has a temper and I learned how to yell. I learned that is how you argue with your husband (but it’s not the best way for sure). I don’t remember how often Mom would yell at Dad but I guess it was often enough. And then she wouldn’t talk to him after.

In high school, I watched how the kids dated. When I worked in the bars, I watched how people, lovers, treated each other. I wasn’t impressed so I never dated. But that doesn’t mean I never had ‘relationships’ with men. I just didn’t want anything long-term because I didn’t like what I had seen in my family’s relationships or most people around me.

I was fascinated with relationships and sex long before I met Ole and read more books than I can count. It was exciting to try new things. It was interesting to learn about the dynamics of a relationship. And when Ole and I got married, I was even more interested to learn, as was he.

Decide today that you will challenge yourself to learn something exciting, new, interesting, adventurous to bring more joy and love into your relationship. Challenge yourself to be all that you can be in your love affair and then push yourself that little bit extra.

If we put as much effort into our relationships as we do our sports, hobbies or watching TV, we all would have relationships that would grow and flourish into the romance of the century.

Be Bold! Be Brave! Be Adventurous! Challenge yourself to BE MORE in your relationship. The results are worth it.

Passioante regards….Brenda

I want to tell all of you that stop by to read my posts, how much I appreciate you. I love writing about our marriage and giving you ideas how to have more love in your relationship. The comments you leave are so encouraging knowing  that Ole and I are helping.

It is so important in any relationship to let the other person know how much they really are appreciated. And this goes double for intimate relationships because sometimes, over time, we forget to say the nice stuff. The other half should just know by now how much they are loved and appreciated. Right!?

Learn from my mistakes. You can never say “Thank you”, “I love you” or “I’m sorry” too many times in your life. You can never tell your sweetheart too often how much they mean to you and how you could not go on without them. Trust me on this.

The many times Ole would just say “I love you” out of the blue…for no reason other than to let me know I was in his heart. I was scared that he would say it too often, that those words would loose their impact and meaning. I really can be stupid sometimes.

Those are the most powerful words in the the world no matter what language they are spoken in. “I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you.” 

Those words can heal a broken heart, take away the pain from physical injuries and make a person feel needed, useful, wanted and appreciated.

Those powerful little words can heal a nation. Serious!

Think about how many lives could have been saved from bad decisions, fits of anger, rage, and possibly even death by just hearing that someone cares and was willing to be open and speak from their heart. How many relationships could have been saved by only saying “I love you. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Pride makes lovers, brothers, sisters and friends fearful of releasing the healing power in those words. Pride steps in to hold you back. Pride keeps people stuck in the illusions that they are weak and less-than or they lost the fight if they say those POWERFUL words.

The only way you loose, is to not say “I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you.” And let anger eat at your stomach. Endure sleepless nights after a fight because you are right and will stick to your guns. That is how you loose. By not telling the ones you love how much you love and appreciate them.

Wayne Dyer was a favorite speaker and author of Ole’s. Wayne always says it is easier to be kind than it is to be right. Think about how many arguments could have ended sooner if you would have stopped and told the other person that they were right. It does not mean you agreed with them only that they are right. Which in their mind they were right.

When we found out Ole had cancer, I apologised for all the times I had hurt him or had argued. Not that this was the first time I had apologised for all this but I needed Ole to know how deeply sorry I was. He said he forgave me a long time ago. It was me still holding on to all the pain. He had let it go.

I kept asking that Ole would live because all I wanted to do was show him just how much I loved him and needed him. I felt I could have done a better job at it and I wanted that second chance.

Learn from my mistakes.

I am not trying to make Ole sound like a saint or anything but he was the most remarkable man I had ever know. He was kind above all, loving, caring, interesting, smart, funny, handsome…I would love to go on.

But most important was that he loved me and I loved him and we were not afraid to show it or say it. And we did our best to let each other know how much the other was appreciated and loved.

Yes, we argued. Yes, we got angry at each other. Yes, there were MANY times we did not agree. Yes, we had a lot of fun, laughs and good times. 

But the foundation of it all was we ALWAYS loved each other.

I appreciate you. I am sorry for the hurts you have endured and will in the future. Thank you so much for being a part of my world.

Tell those closest to you how much you love and appreciate them. When you see them light right up and smile from ear to ear, you will know you are a true healer and winner.

Passionate regards….Brenda