I was listening to Bob Proctor and his Six Minutes to Success program. He was talking about sex(the noun).  He said we have a lot of misunderstanding about sex. I have to agree with him. Where do you stand? Is it good, bad or otherwise?

There is so much tabu about sex and talking openly about it. Yet we can talk easily about the war, bloody accidents, fights, angry situations and the graphic scenes we see in movies of murder, rape, child abuse etc.

 But if you start talking about sex, people get all twittery and shy. Or else they just shut you down or shut you out. WHY?

I believe there is sex(the verb) and there is making love. And there is a definite difference. Sex is the one-night-stands. Sex is the 10 minute quickies. Sex is about just seeking that adreneline rush you get from having intercourse and the orgasmic release you feel in your body. Sex is a lot about looking out for your own gratification.

But making love is something totally different. When you make love you engage ALL your senses. You feel every caress to the Nth degree. Each kiss is savoured like a delicious dessert. The dance of 2 loving people in the horizontal position is as beautiful as a ballet.

And as your own mind and body are whirling in this amazing feeling dance, you are very aware of your partner and what they feel as well. You are focused as much on their body and that they should experience incredible titillating sensations as you are on your own self.

Sensual. Sexual. Exciting. Building to a crescendo with each touch, with each kiss, with each thrust. You engauge ALL of your senses. Your smell is heightened. Your skin tingles. Your body pulses. It’s the most amazing thing to make love with someone you are in love with.

I remember asking a girlfriend one time what it was like to make love to man you are in love with. She said she could not describe how wonderful it felt. But she said that once you do, you will know the difference. She was absolutely right!

When I would make love to Ole, I knew exactly what she was talking about. The feelings, the sensations, EVERYTHING was different. I had never made love before. I had only had sex. I knew that then.

So back to Bob Proctor…he said that when two people are in rapport with their ideas and emotions, they have a great physical relationship. I absolutely agree with him!

We think foreplay is just the part that gets your mind and body in the mood for intercourse. But it is more than that. We engage in foreplay almost all of the time.

Every time you run your hand across your lover’s shoulders, every time you talk about your hopes, dreams, ideas and fears, you are engaging in foreplay. Bob Proctor calls it rapport.

Now think about this. If the person you are in an intimate and sexual relationship with was not someone you liked to talk to, share your thoughts, hopes and fears with, or have anything in common, do you think that your sex life would be so great? NO!

Our minds and emotions must be involved in the sexual experience to make it a mind blowing event.

Try it! The next time you are going to make love to your sweetheart, don’t think about anything. NOTHING!

You cannot think about where their hands are touching you. You cannot see the colors as you close your eyes and allow your soul to be swept away in a river of sensuality and excitement. You cannot let your heart explode with love when they drive your body to the brink of release.  You can only focus on your body and the release you are seeking.

Can you do that? I doubt it.

BUT! If you were just having sex with someone, you could do that. You could just get lost inside your own physical senses and have your fun.

And the reason you can do this when you are having that one-night-stand is because there is no rapport. There is no connection of the mind the same way you have when you get to know another person and the way you feel when you give your heart to your partner and share with them your life.

Ole and I had quickies. They were great in that moment. But I loved MAKING LOVE with Ole. We took our time and prolonged the experience. We savoured each moment. We would never have been able to connect on the deep levels we did without being in rapport, without getting to KNOW each other.

Get in rapport, get in tune, get in harmony with your lover. You will never have to think about if sex is good, bad or otherwise. And you will feel the difference when you make love.

Passionate regards….Brenda

Not many people know the difference between romance and intimacy. Many people think if you have one you have the other but that is far from the truth.

First, I think so you can understand what I mean, I will give you the definition of both. These definitions come from the Gage The Senior Dictionary.

Romance: a love story, a story of adventure, a story or poem telling of heroes, real events or conditions that are like such stories, full of love, excitement, or noble deeds, an interest in adventure and love, a love affair, a false or extravagant story.

Intimate: very familiar, known very well, closely acquainted, close, very personal, most private, far within, a close friend.

Intimacy: the state of being intimate, close acquaintance, a familiar or intimate act

To be intimate with another person means to KNOW them. Know what they think, what they feel, what they believe, what they wish for. Being intimate means to know another persons fears and what they love. Being intimate with someone means you know everything there is to know about them and continue to learn more.

When you are romantic….well do I need to tell you? If you don’t know what it is to be romantic, go to the book store or library and get educated. Become a student of the fine art of seduction and romance.

I want to focus on intimacy though. We can be intimate with many people in our lives in many ways on different levels. Think about your closest friend. Are you intimate with them? If they are your CLOSEST friend, I would have to say yes. I am not talking about sleeping with them, but I bet you know things about your friend that others don’t.

Now think about your lover. Are you intimate with them? Really think for just a minute. You are intimate on the physical level but do you really know them? Do you know what they fear, love, wish for and so on?

Ole and I had a great advantage when we were ‘dating’. Our dates consisted of talking on the phone because he was in Denmark and I was in Yukon, Canada. So we would talk for at least an hour per phone call and sometimes twice a day. We talked almost every day for 3 months before I went to Denmark to celebrate New Years with him.

After I came home from a 3 week holiday, we continued to talk for another 2 months before I went to Denmark to live and see where our relationship was going.

I got to know Ole better than most people who see each other every day because we romanced each other with our words which led to the deep intimacy of our relationship. Now understand that our conversations were not all flowery and smoochy and all that kissy stuff.

WE TALKED. WE LISTENED. WE WERE INTIMATE.

I felt so close to Ole in a way I have never felt with anybody before because I got to KNOW him. We would be talking about something and I would be blown away with his depth and knowledge. I would ask him, “How can you know that? You are only 24 years old!” He was amazing. He opened my eyes to look at the world in so many different ways.

As we talked, I opened myself to him also. I let Ole into places within me that others have never heard nor seen. He knew by looking at my eyes that my mood had changed. We heard so often that our relationship was closer than some couples that had been married for 50 years.

Ole definitely made me a better person because of who he was. I am forever grateful to have had him in my life. He is still and always will be in my life. I have never been so intimate with anyone before. Both physically and emotionally, as well as spiritually. I feel so lucky to have shared so much with such a (I am struggling for a word here because there is not one word to describe my husband) wonderful,amazing, intelligent man.

I found this quote shortly after Ole died. I would have love to have shared it with him as it was exactly how I felt.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. - Elizabeth Barret Browning

Romance alone cannot make a person love. INTIMACY is the true way to the heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda