Last week I mentioned that I would explain my absence from Passionate Results For Lovers Blog. I have been thinking about this since because I had a feeling what this was all about but wanted to get a better handle on it.

Last November, I started a process that involved applying to go to school here in Denmark. There is a lot playing in this decision. It is a total career change for me. I was trained as a hairdresser in Canada. I took a lot of additional courses and continued to read and explore human behaviour, psychology, body language and the list goes on.

I kind of fell into this work that I am going to school for. When Ole was sick, we had a home care worker come in and check on things once in a while. She didn’t come very often because I was handling Ole’s med’s, bathing, food, all his needs.

She came in one day and said, matter of factly, that I would be good at this job if I wanted to work in this profession. I laughed and said no chance. I do this because Ole is my husband and I want to take care of him. Not have some stranger do that. Even in the hospital, it was me that took care of the personal things Ole needed. I think the nurses got a little miffed at me sometimes because I wanted what I wanted for my husband. Simple as that.

Then after Ole died, I started working as a cleaning lady for a company that a friend worked for. I needed something to do to keep me busy as well as earn money. And I figured that cleaning was a good job. Not a lot of thinking involved and I could be left by myself. I started this job about a year after Ole died.

I really enjoyed the job. The company had a contract cleaning at a handicapped house. At first I didn’t know if I could work there but as it turned out, I loved it. I quit the cleaning job and went to work IN the handicapped house caring for the people who live there. I was there almost 2 years. My heart started to hurt when I could see there could be improvements but from knowing the people who worked there, it was never going to happen.

I applied for many jobs and some I really didn’t know what I was applying for. That is how I got the job that would move me forward to go to school. I applied for a job that was in fact…home care! And I got it and have worked there for over a year now. I love this job!

So what does this have to do with my vacation from my blog? When I started this process of applying and waiting to see if I was accepted and then being accepted and wondering if I could make it through, being that the course is taught in Danish, all I could think about, and still think about is I want to share this with Ole.

I want to tell him about my day. I want to ask him questions. I want to rant and rave because I am pissed off with all the group work we do. I want him to hold me and kiss me and tell me he is so proud of me. I want him to say, “I love you.”

I have never been afraid to try something new or learn something new. I just miss sharing my life with the man I love. I wasn’t ready to share all that on the blog until now.

And what could you possibly learn from my story here that could apply to your own relationship? A life filled with love is about sharing the good times and the bad. It is about changes and new beginnings. It is about love, laughter, tears and regrets. But it is a life shared that grows that love with that one person that is THE MOST important to you in your life. Or should be!

Passionate regards….Brenda

Have you seen this, TUT… A Note from the Universe? These are messages that are sent to your inbox everyday with messages from the Universe. Actually, Mike Dooley sends them to you. The Universe just writes them.

I want to share the one that popped up in my in-box today. Here it is:

Shaping, shifting, molding, making… what people do when they discover their imagination.

Basking, Brenda -
The Universe

Does this message strike a cord in you too? It sure did me and that’s why I wanted to share it with you if you haven’t already signed up for these tidbits of Universal wisdom.

I began thinking that when I felt so sure, excited and positive about what was going on in my life, I was definitely spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling. When I was cutting hair and creating beautiful styles, I was totally shaping, shifting, molding, and making. Plus spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling.

And then, when I fell in love with Ole, I was more than beaming, marveling, basking, and sparkling. I WAS EVERYTHING! I FELT EVERYTHING! I WAS THE UNIVERSE!

Remember that new-in-love feeling? You sparkle from the inside out. Your skin glows. Your eyes twinkle. You bounce a little bit extra with each step you take. And your smile could not be more dazzling.

Do you still feel that way?

I know I do when I think of Ole. We had such adventures to say the least. We loved and made love. We created together. We talked and planned about our future, our business, our love for each other. And then suddenly there was no more. He was gone from my physical life. Poof!

It took a long time to be able to think about our love and feel all those marvelous feelings when I thought of him. It was so hard for so long after he died because the hurt I felt was emmense. I felt like the Universe had imploded and there was nothing left. I WAS that black hole scientists talk about. Empty!

But that wasn’t true. I STILL have all those amazing feelings inside of me. I just have to think of Ole and they over-take my mind, heart, body and soul in a flash flood of LOVE. And now, it feels good to remember.

I think sometimes after being together a few years we forget how wonderful it was to fall in love. Not because we don’t still love that special person that holds our heart in their hands but because life takes over. We get immersed in jobs, families, business, media and whatever else takes our attention on a daily basis.

We get so wrapped up in being busy, making a living and making a LIFE that sometimes we put our love feelings and our relationships into the background of our daily routine. We forget to say “I love you.” We forget how important it is to snuggle, cuddle, make love, laugh, flirt, and relax with the person that we willingly gave our hearts to.

Then we get angry and upset that things aren’t like they used to be.

The thing is, we have to put our relationships first. Yes, making a living and making a life are important but believe me, if you have no one to share all that with, you haven’t got much.

My relationship with Ole was the world to me. He was my priority. Our relationship was our priority. We worked at having the BEST relationship we could have with each other. YES, I said WORKED at having the best relationship.

Just because you are IN a relationship doesn’t mean that everything will just flow and come natural for you and your lover. But if you take the time to tease, talk and trip the light fantastic, you will surely begin to know what I mean.

HOMEWORK – Everyday for the next 2 weeks, the first thing you do when you wake up (even before you open your eyes) is remember how you felt when you first fell in love with that special person that snuggles into bed beside you. Even if you are not in a relationship at this present moment, remember that feeling from a love long lost.

You will notice that you smile more, are more tollerant of the small things, and people will be more receptive towards you. Not to mention the benefits you will have with your lover. And if you are not in a relationship, you may soon be, acting this way

Oh, and take the time to visit TUT. http://www.tut.com/theclub/ It’s a great place for a mini vacation.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I was listening to a Joe Vitale program today and he said “Money likes speed.” Meaning that the quicker you act on your ideas, the more money you will generate.

But I got to thinking, does love like speed? I don’t know why I thought that but figured I will quickly act on my idea as Joe says.

Does Love like speed? I am a firm believer in love at first sight. I absolutely believe that there are couples from the very moment they met, they knew they were going to be together forever.

I know couples that went out for a VERY short period of time and decided to get married. My Mom and Dad for instance. They knew each other for only 6 weeks when Dad proposed to Mom. She said yes and he went off to the Navy in WW2. They got married a year later.

But I have also known couples that rushed into the whole-meal-deal and were divorced just as quick. So I guess I could ask myself, does divorce like speed. From what I have heard, the quicker the better.

I think Love is LIKE speed more than saying DOES it like speed. When you first fall in love the world is wonderful. There is nothing wrong and everything is right in your universe. The trees are greener. The birds sing louder. The colors are brighter. All is right in the world.

It really is like you are on a natural high. I am by far no scientist but I am sure there have been studies testing the chemical releases and all that happens in your mind and body when a person is new in love.

That first time when Ole told me “I love you”…WOW! Nothing else mattered in my world. The building could have collapsed around me and I would have just been happy to be there. Life was glorious. Fantastic! SUPER DELICIOUS!

Did we have a speedy courtship? I guess by some people’s standards we did. But looking back at our life we didn’t sit on the fence too long with anything. If we wanted to do, create, try or learn something, we just went out and did it.

But I remember the day we decided to get married. We were sitting on a tree at the beach and talking about what to do next in our lives. Should we stay in Denmark? Should we go back to Canada? And we also had to consider immigration laws? We decided, marriage. We knew we wanted to be together so that would be best.

That was a Wednesday.

We talked about when we should do this and thought Friday was a good day. Yes! Two days. We could call the mayor and see if we could set it up. Sounded good to us.

We went back to Ole’s parents to tell them. I could not even go in with Ole as I am a bit of a chicken at times. I didn’t understand Danish AT ALL then and could only read the body language. I didn’t want to read anything that wasn’t there so I opted to clean the car while Ole talked with his parents.

When Ole came out he was smiling the biggest smile. He said he talked to them and told them our plans. They thought maybe we were rushing things but Ole said no, this is what we want. They wanted to get the church booked and plan a wedding. Ole said no, we want to get married in 2 days by the mayor. I don’t think Ole’s parents knew what hit them when I came into Ole’s life!

We couldn’t get married on Friday because the mayor was busy so we had to wait until Monday, 11am. Perfect!

We told Ole’s family and his friends suspected we might be talking about getting married but we never really said anything to them until the day before. Ole’s mom and dad were there for the ceremony. It was wonderful!

When we went back to the farm, we were going to go back to work that afternoon. Ole’s parents had a tree farm and we worked with them. They said we couldn’t get married and go back to work. We should take the day and make it special.

We had lunch with the other workers and then went to see Egeskov Castle. When we came home later we went out for an amazing dinner with Ole’s family.

There was no one from my family there as it was a quick wedding and they were all in Canada. But that was okay too. I wore my Dad’s officer jacket from the Navy. So I knew he was there in spirit. And of course the family sent wonderful emails and phone calls wishing us well.

That was 12 years ago. Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary. I am missing my handsome husband more than I can say. If we didn’t use speed to our advantage in our short time together, maybe it would have even been shorter yet.

Does love like speed? It goes both ways. It is different for each individual and couple. But I KNOW for certain that life can speed by before you know it and it is over.

“There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand

Here’s to SPEED!

Passionate regards….Brenda

I just saw Avatar and had a HUGE AHA moment. Remember when Nevtiri and Jake Sully said to each other “I SEE YOU“?

WOW! My mind and heart blew wide open and I immediately thought of Ole. Then the tears of love and understanding started to flow.

Why?

Ole would tell me all the time “I love you”. I was nervous that one day those words would have no meaning if he used them too often. Little did I know how much power those words carried and that you can NEVER say them too often.

But when I heard those two Navi say “I SEE YOU” to each other, I understood, REALLY UNDERSTOOD, what saying I Love You means. Of course I have always known what I Love You means but a deeper meaning was revealed to me in that moment.

I mean think about it. What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you? Does it mean you are connected through your emotions or your heart? Does it mean that you are happy to be around this person? Does it mean that your life is better or feels complete with this person in your life? What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you?

When those two Navi said “I SEE YOU”, I totally understood what ‘I Love You’ means to me. I totally understood what Ole was saying to me so many times throughout the day. I totally understood what I felt when I heard him say ‘I Love You’ and what I felt in my heart when I said ‘I Love You Too’.

We were telling each other that we SAW this other person. We SAW all the GREATNESS, all the GOODNESS, all the AMAZING qualities in this other person. We saw all of the flaws, all of the bad decisions, all of the sadness and disappointments as well. And we accepted ALL of this without reserve. We accepted each other as a loving partner in this life.

We SAW each other. We UNDERSTOOD each other. We knew that neither one of us was perfect but at the same time, perfect for each of us to be in this intimate relationship with. This meant accepting this other person as they are.

Take a moment and think about your closest relationships. Do you tell these important people in your life that you love them? When they screw up, and most people do at some point in time, do you still love them or do you turn away? Do you with-hold your affections or your friendship because you feel hurt or betrayed? 

I have done both.

I have had friends that I turned my back on because something happened and my feelings got hurt. I don’t know if it was pride, anger or the hurt went deep into my heart, but there have been times when I didn’t have contact with these ‘friends’ for years. I would have to say that I really didn’t SEE these friends. And on the flip side, maybe they really didn’t SEE me either.

With Ole, there were many times we had cross words but not to the point where we could not talk to each other after. Absolutely, there were times when I needed half an hour or so to calm myself so I could talk rationally but we did eventually talk. We did work out our problems. We never left a problem or argument dangling to produce tension in our relationship.

I wish with all my heart that I could tell Ole “I SEE YOU” and explain how all encompassing those words are for how I feel about him. But I am so grateful that I know Ole SAW me. Even if he said it with ‘I Love You’.

As for my friends, I am wiser now and know that turning my back is not the way to handle a problem in any relationship. Maybe I have grown up at last!

Let the people that are important in your life KNOW that you SEE them. Be brave and feel the greatness in your own heart, in your own being by allowing them to SEE you too.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I want to tell all of you that stop by to read my posts, how much I appreciate you. I love writing about our marriage and giving you ideas how to have more love in your relationship. The comments you leave are so encouraging knowing  that Ole and I are helping.

It is so important in any relationship to let the other person know how much they really are appreciated. And this goes double for intimate relationships because sometimes, over time, we forget to say the nice stuff. The other half should just know by now how much they are loved and appreciated. Right!?

Learn from my mistakes. You can never say “Thank you”, “I love you” or “I’m sorry” too many times in your life. You can never tell your sweetheart too often how much they mean to you and how you could not go on without them. Trust me on this.

The many times Ole would just say “I love you” out of the blue…for no reason other than to let me know I was in his heart. I was scared that he would say it too often, that those words would loose their impact and meaning. I really can be stupid sometimes.

Those are the most powerful words in the the world no matter what language they are spoken in. “I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you.” 

Those words can heal a broken heart, take away the pain from physical injuries and make a person feel needed, useful, wanted and appreciated.

Those powerful little words can heal a nation. Serious!

Think about how many lives could have been saved from bad decisions, fits of anger, rage, and possibly even death by just hearing that someone cares and was willing to be open and speak from their heart. How many relationships could have been saved by only saying “I love you. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Pride makes lovers, brothers, sisters and friends fearful of releasing the healing power in those words. Pride steps in to hold you back. Pride keeps people stuck in the illusions that they are weak and less-than or they lost the fight if they say those POWERFUL words.

The only way you loose, is to not say “I love you. I’m sorry. Thank you.” And let anger eat at your stomach. Endure sleepless nights after a fight because you are right and will stick to your guns. That is how you loose. By not telling the ones you love how much you love and appreciate them.

Wayne Dyer was a favorite speaker and author of Ole’s. Wayne always says it is easier to be kind than it is to be right. Think about how many arguments could have ended sooner if you would have stopped and told the other person that they were right. It does not mean you agreed with them only that they are right. Which in their mind they were right.

When we found out Ole had cancer, I apologised for all the times I had hurt him or had argued. Not that this was the first time I had apologised for all this but I needed Ole to know how deeply sorry I was. He said he forgave me a long time ago. It was me still holding on to all the pain. He had let it go.

I kept asking that Ole would live because all I wanted to do was show him just how much I loved him and needed him. I felt I could have done a better job at it and I wanted that second chance.

Learn from my mistakes.

I am not trying to make Ole sound like a saint or anything but he was the most remarkable man I had ever know. He was kind above all, loving, caring, interesting, smart, funny, handsome…I would love to go on.

But most important was that he loved me and I loved him and we were not afraid to show it or say it. And we did our best to let each other know how much the other was appreciated and loved.

Yes, we argued. Yes, we got angry at each other. Yes, there were MANY times we did not agree. Yes, we had a lot of fun, laughs and good times. 

But the foundation of it all was we ALWAYS loved each other.

I appreciate you. I am sorry for the hurts you have endured and will in the future. Thank you so much for being a part of my world.

Tell those closest to you how much you love and appreciate them. When you see them light right up and smile from ear to ear, you will know you are a true healer and winner.

Passionate regards….Brenda