I am going to start this post with a short video. You may have even seen it before but it shows how powerful your words are and how important it is to formulate what you want to say in the best way possible. It is less than 2 minutes and VERY powerful!

 
Are you wondering what that has to do with me and Ole? Everything!

We talked to each other a lot. We would ALWAYS end our day with a good talk in bed. We would connect each night this way on what happened and how we were feeling about what was going on in our lives.

Was this important? YOU BET! There are far too many couples that lose touch with each other because they don’t talk. They let the kids, their jobs, the families, their hobbies, their friends, and all the other things life consists of get in the way of being CONNECTED and TOGETHER. 

Just because 2 people live together does not mean they are communicating on a regular basis. Oh sure they do the “How was your day? What did you do? Did you pick up the milk? Will you get the kids today?” And so it goes. 

But they never get into the meat and potatoes of their relationship and find out what is happening in their hearts, minds and souls. This is where relationships are built and this is where a relationship grows stronger.

Think back to this little video you just watched. What did you FEEL when you watched it? Take a minute and do this. You might find out you haven’t been checking in with yourself either. So take a minute and think about what you felt as you watched this video.

I have watched this video several times and I get teary each time. The Power of Words….amazing isn’t it!

Maybe the reason why it touches me so deeply is because I know my words were not always so kind. I know I have hurt people deeply with things I have said in the heat of a moment. And once those words are expressed, there is no going back. You can apologize as many times as you want but the words still hang in the air. Even if the person you said them to forgives and forgets, you never do.

What I am suggesting is just be aware of how you talk to each other and other people in general. Notice the tone of your voice and the words you use. You can still ask your sweetheart, “How are you?”. But the way you ask will give it a whole new meaning showing them that you are truly interested in what their answer will be.

Choose your words wisely. They are the building blocks to a romantic, wonderful life with your partner that you never dreamed possible. Make sure the words you use come from your heart and not that place where you think “This is what they want to hear.”…because that place is empty. Those words hold no weight and can be blown away along with your sincerity and the trust of your partner.

The Power of Words! Words can destroy quicker than the blink of an eye. But just by taking a second to think before you speak, your words can also build a beautiful, loving amazing experience.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I really want to apologise. I have been having some real computer troubles and just want you to know that I Am Not Ignoring You.

I appreciate that you take the time to read my posts and for all your wonderful comments. I am doing all that I can to get this blog up to speed so you can subscribe by email.

As I started to write this I got to thinking about how often this same thing happened with Ole and I. You know, one person gets caught up in an idea, person or life experience and the other half of the happy couple feels a little left out.

I know I have felt that way with Ole sometimes when he would be focused on a project. I would feel a little left out and ignored. Understand now that this is NOT jealousy. I was not jealous of the other person or project Ole was spending time with. But sometimes I was just feeling a little left out of the in-crowd.

Then there were times when I would get into reading a really good book. Poor Ole would be eating breakfast in silence and I was flipping pages. I would read when I came home from work. I can tell you, he was very happy when my book was finished.

As we grew in our marriage, we both found better ways to channel our feelings. Plus, I realised that Ole did not do this intentionally to hurt me. I knew, with all my heart, that Ole would NEVER do something so childish just to be mean. He was the MOST kind and gentle man I have EVER known. And I would not have hurt him for the world either.

But there are times in every persons life that something will take precedence over everything else. I am not saying this is good or bad but just that it happens.

And sometimes when the left-out partner gets a little testy, the fur can fly. Which does not help the situation.

So just be aware of your own actions. If you get deep into a project and your lover brings it up that they are feeling a little lonely, take them in your arms and let them know how important they really are to you.

I hope you can feel the hugs I am giving you right now because you are important to me. I want to help as many people have the most amazing relationship like Ole and I had.

I am not ignoring you. I am just working to make our relationship and time that we spend together the best it can be.

I hope you will do the same for the relationships that are important to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

How has your week been? Have you let your unconditional love shine through for all to bask in? Feels like the warmth of a beautiful sunny day pouring over you. That goes for both the receiver and the giver!

I have a question for you. Have you ever taken the time to pick out the perfect gift, bouquet, poem or card, or planned THE perfect date to give to that special person in your life and it blew-up like a bomb right in your face as well as your heart? You thought that you had THE PERFECT thing to show how much you cared for this other person and they went crazy.

This has happened to me. I was living with a guy and I wanted to be able to give him a beautiful night with no cares and away from the hectic business he ran. I wanted to just give him a beautiful night off from the headaches and the hassles of clients and everything else in the office.

I had made reservations at a wonderful restaurant and then we were going to go spend the night in a gorgeous B & B. The room was Victorian and I asked for a decadent dessert to be waiting in the room when we arrived. I had candles and flowers, it was beautiful! And perfect, or so I thought.

We went for dinner. All through dinner all he did was grumble and complain about one thing or another. I kept my positive attitude and figured once we got to the B & B, he would relax and start to enjoy himself. Man, what a mistake that was! We walked in and he flipped. He didn’t have time for this blah, blah, blah.

Long story short, he left, I was in tears and the relaxing, romantic night I had planned was a huge bust. I was hurt and angry for a long time, even after we went our separate ways. But I know now that I gave him what ‘I’ wanted. Not what he needed. He needed to work out what was bugging him at the office not have a night off. It may have been a great surprise if my timing would have been better.

Sometimes the best gift we can give to another is just our love and attention. Be aware of what your lover, wife, husband really needs at that moment. The diamond bracelet may seem showy and money poorly spent if their attention is on the less fortunate or if they are worried about your current financial situation.

When you express your love in the form of a gift, make sure it is something the person you are giving it to wants. You wouldn’t give a fishing rod to a person that hates fishing. Why would you give roses to someone with an allergy to flowers? There are many ways to express your love and appreciation to another so show them in their terms.

Think of it this way! If you spoke a foreign language and wanted to show your love to another, you could TELL them all day and if they didn’t understand your words, they would not get the message. But if you told them, looked deep into their eyes, took this person in your arms and kissed them passionately, they would get the drift!

There are times when two people have been together for a while that they forget to pay attention. They go about their everyday business and just expect that their partner KNOWS what they want, thinks, feels. But people change and at a rapid rate these days. There aren’t many bonafide mind readers so we have to keep checking in with our lover and keep current with their ideas and beliefs. Not saying that you have to believe as they do. Just so you know what is going on inside them.

So for this week, pay attention to how you show your love for others. Do you give gifts that YOU like or that THEY WOULD LIKE? Do you KNOW what interests your sweetheart or do you assume what they are interested in?

Write notes if it helps you to remember. Then you will know that they prefer daisies over irises. Then you will know that you can’t go to a seafood restaurant because they don’t like the smell of cooked fish. Or whatever the like or dislike may be.

Our lives speed by so quickly and we get wrapped up in what we are doing that to pay attention to the small things gets forgotten. Take a moment this week and do yourself a favor. ASK QUESTIONS! Even if you think you KNOW the answers, ask anyway. You may find out some very interesting things about those that are closest to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

We all tell Little White Lies…I didn’t eat the last piece of cake….I sent the cheque last week….I think you look great in neon pink. The list is long and the reasons many why we tell them.

For the most part, there are really only 2 reasons why we tell them. The first being is we don’t want to get into trouble so the Little White Lie will save us or at least buffer the blow. SO we think!

The second is so we don’t hurt someone’s  feelings. As honorable as this is, it really is not a good strategy. Somehow it seems that this Little White Lie comes back to bite you in the ass.

Both reasons are pretty lame. I know I would rather hear the truth. If I value your opinion enough that I would ask you what you think, then I can expect nothing less than the truth. If I want a sugar coated response, then I wouldn’t ask. I can make that up myself to make me feel okay with my decision.

One of the things we would hear in our seminars comes from couples with money issues. One is a spender and one is a saver, just like Ole and I were. Can you guess which I was?;-) But the thing is, I NEVER told Ole anything but the truth when he would ask what I spent. I might hedge a little but the truth would come out.

I mean, he would have found out anyway and then it would have caused a bigger problem in our relationship of trust issues. So why not be up front and face the music? Made more sense to me and Ole.

Not only that, if one of us went and spent a lot of money (that we probably didn’t have to spend), we would have talked about it first. Absolutely, there was the possibility of us disagreeing on the subject. But we talked about it first. And there were times when we would agree to disagree but the money was still spent…or not.

What I am trying to say here is that to hide stuff from each other does not empower your relationship. You are building on shaky ground. EVERY relationship needs a firm foundation to build on. If you build on Little White Lies or Big Out and Out Lies, you will have nothing more than a house built of straw. One strong wind and your relationship goes *POOF*.

Truth and trust are foundations for EVERY relationship that you will ever have in your life.

I had a very close friend growing up and we would go shopping. I can remember one day we were trying on clothes and Janice would critique what I tried and I would do the same.

Our comments weren’t sugar coated. If I thought she looked pregnant in the skirt, I told her. If she thought I looked like a big, green balloon in the dress, she told me. And as we were laughing and shopping a sales clerk was listening to us. Finally she asked, “Do you two shop together often?” We laughed even harder and said all the time.

The sales clerk was a little shocked I think because we did give an honest opinion to each other. Not a hurtful opinion but truthful in all good fun. Maybe the people she was used to would offer the ‘you look great in neon pink’ answers.

It was the same for Ole and I. I love hats. I have bought many and worn few. When Ole and I would go out shopping, I would try on hats. Some for shock value and to make him laugh and others I really liked. He would just shake his head and tell me, “You should NEVER wear a hat.”

I loved him for his honesty. That one was of the most endearing traits about him that I fell in love with. I always knew Ole would tell me the truth and exactly what he thought. He was never mean, crass or rude to get his point across. But his truthful nature was loved and appreciated.

I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 sister so I learned about saving my own ass early. I told many a Little White Lies in my youth. But meeting Ole changed all that. Not over night but it didn’t take long. I learned that the truth was the only way to go. Made our lives a lot simpler and we had a very strong foundation in our relationship.

Take responsibility for yourself. 100%! If you make a mistake, so be it. To admit your short-comings is a strength that only true leaders have. To error is human.

And that’s the truth!

Passionate regards….Brenda