I have found the most wonderful website. Mindy Maudlin has created a place called the ”What If Up Club”. She talks about playing the “What If” game but instead of thinking the worst, she asks you to think about what is the BEST you could imagine. This is “What If Upping”.

It is a wonderful game. I have played it for most my life. Sitting around with friends or family and asking, “What If?” Ole and I would play it when we would drive some place.

• What If money weren’t an issue, what kind of car would you buy and why?
• What If you could live any place in the world, where would it be and why?
• What If you could have any job in the world, what would you do and why?
• What If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?
• What If you could make love any place in the world, where would it be and why?

I mean, the list of ‘What If’ questions is a mile long and the conversations that would spring from one question was always a mind opener because we both saw and imagined something different.

We would talk, laugh and explore one fantasy after another. We played it a lot. Sometimes we would be snuggling on the couch and start the game of ‘what if’. Time would fly and we were having fun.

You might be thinking how cute, or how silly, but it is a useful tool. People in business play this game all the time. They try and look at different possibilities or solutions to different problems, products, and advertising. From the amount of consumerism, I would say it works wonders for them.

But I got to thinking, you can definitely use this in your relationship too:

• What if you could have the best possible relationship ever? What would it look like to you…to your partner?
• What if you and your partner could talk about everything openly and honestly without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
• What if you both could talk about what you want from your relationship and each other?
• What if you could share ALL your hopes, dreams and fears without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
• What if you could ask for emotional, physical and spiritual support from your partner?
• What if you could sit together and imagine your best relationship ever?

These are just a FEW of the ways you could play the “What If Up” game in your relationship. When you start playing, you will be able to come up with so many more topics of interest to explore and imagine together to make your Best Relationship Ever come true.

Just playing this game is a first step in that direction. You are opening up your creative minds and exploring other possibilities on many, many topics. As well, you are communicating your wants and needs emotionally, physically and spiritually.

This opens a whole new door in your relationship. You learn to playfully talk with each other about your deepest desires, feelings and needs without pressure on either of you. You get to communicate with your lover on a whole different level.

You get to learn about each other in a different way.

Not only is this fun but you will hear things about your lover that he may not have talked about before. Because this is a game, there is no pressure to say the right thing and there are no expectations. There is no fear that you will say something that will disappoint your sweetheart. It is just a game.

Be adventurous and play the “What If Up” game with your lover. This is for fun. This is to come closer together. This is to connect to each other with out expectations or fear.

So…What If you could have the BEST RELATIONSHIP EVER? What would it look like?

Passionate regards….Brenda

We all tell Little White Lies…I didn’t eat the last piece of cake….I sent the cheque last week….I think you look great in neon pink. The list is long and the reasons many why we tell them.

For the most part, there are really only 2 reasons why we tell them. The first being is we don’t want to get into trouble so the Little White Lie will save us or at least buffer the blow. SO we think!

The second is so we don’t hurt someone’s  feelings. As honorable as this is, it really is not a good strategy. Somehow it seems that this Little White Lie comes back to bite you in the ass.

Both reasons are pretty lame. I know I would rather hear the truth. If I value your opinion enough that I would ask you what you think, then I can expect nothing less than the truth. If I want a sugar coated response, then I wouldn’t ask. I can make that up myself to make me feel okay with my decision.

One of the things we would hear in our seminars comes from couples with money issues. One is a spender and one is a saver, just like Ole and I were. Can you guess which I was?;-) But the thing is, I NEVER told Ole anything but the truth when he would ask what I spent. I might hedge a little but the truth would come out.

I mean, he would have found out anyway and then it would have caused a bigger problem in our relationship of trust issues. So why not be up front and face the music? Made more sense to me and Ole.

Not only that, if one of us went and spent a lot of money (that we probably didn’t have to spend), we would have talked about it first. Absolutely, there was the possibility of us disagreeing on the subject. But we talked about it first. And there were times when we would agree to disagree but the money was still spent…or not.

What I am trying to say here is that to hide stuff from each other does not empower your relationship. You are building on shaky ground. EVERY relationship needs a firm foundation to build on. If you build on Little White Lies or Big Out and Out Lies, you will have nothing more than a house built of straw. One strong wind and your relationship goes *POOF*.

Truth and trust are foundations for EVERY relationship that you will ever have in your life.

I had a very close friend growing up and we would go shopping. I can remember one day we were trying on clothes and Janice would critique what I tried and I would do the same.

Our comments weren’t sugar coated. If I thought she looked pregnant in the skirt, I told her. If she thought I looked like a big, green balloon in the dress, she told me. And as we were laughing and shopping a sales clerk was listening to us. Finally she asked, “Do you two shop together often?” We laughed even harder and said all the time.

The sales clerk was a little shocked I think because we did give an honest opinion to each other. Not a hurtful opinion but truthful in all good fun. Maybe the people she was used to would offer the ‘you look great in neon pink’ answers.

It was the same for Ole and I. I love hats. I have bought many and worn few. When Ole and I would go out shopping, I would try on hats. Some for shock value and to make him laugh and others I really liked. He would just shake his head and tell me, “You should NEVER wear a hat.”

I loved him for his honesty. That one was of the most endearing traits about him that I fell in love with. I always knew Ole would tell me the truth and exactly what he thought. He was never mean, crass or rude to get his point across. But his truthful nature was loved and appreciated.

I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 sister so I learned about saving my own ass early. I told many a Little White Lies in my youth. But meeting Ole changed all that. Not over night but it didn’t take long. I learned that the truth was the only way to go. Made our lives a lot simpler and we had a very strong foundation in our relationship.

Take responsibility for yourself. 100%! If you make a mistake, so be it. To admit your short-comings is a strength that only true leaders have. To error is human.

And that’s the truth!

Passionate regards….Brenda