I am a little slow on what is happening in the world at times but I know where my focus is in my life. It is to bring more love into other people’s lives which brings more love into mine.

I received the latest newsletter from FinerMinds and there was a video link on it. From this link I clicked on a couple more and then I came to the Starbucks Love Project. WOW!

It brought me to tears!

There are many horrible events happening the world over. We have front row seats to many of them on our TVs. I don’t watch the news. I don’t read newspapers. I read the headlines on the Internet. I don’t even read all of them anymore as it all focuses on the nasty, terrible happenings in our world.

But the Starbucks Love Project turned the lightbulb on in my head. There were 156 countries that participated in this project. That is a lot of diverse people with different beliefs and cultures all focusing on one thing…LOVE.

The countries in this video are many of the same ones we see on the nightly news. It is sad we don’t see the encouraging pieces of information coming from our newscasters. If we saw more positive stories on our newscasts, think about how that would impact our world. WOW!

I believe this is the same in our relationships. Ole and I always focused on our love. Yes, you know from past posts that we argued, but that NEVER meant we didn’t love each other.

We listened to many couples talk about their relationships and what was wrong with this, that or the other person. That was their focus. They only saw the negative bits of their partner and their relationship.

When I would want to talk to Ole about something I wouldn’t first think ‘Oh..I hope this doesn’t end up in a huge argument’. That is only putting the focus on arguing instead of finding a solution or coming to some kind of an agreement.

I was talking with a friend the other day about going to a sweat lodge. We had been to one last year and both enjoyed it to no end. But she said she was scared to go because she was worried she would get claustrophobic in the sweat hut.

I asked her if she enjoyed it last time. She said yes. I asked her if she had a problem with it last time. She said no. I said then she should focus on what she liked and how great she felt instead of projecting the negative before it even happens. She lit up and said, “You’re right!”

The first 2½ to 3 years after Ole died I focused on death. I saw death all around me…funerals…hearses…roadkill…death on TV…sad death movies…it was awful. But I was so focused on dying that I was trying to will myself to die to be with Ole.  I know it sounds silly now, but I was so low in my energy and my thoughts.

When I finally woke up and realised that I was not dying, I decided that I better find a better way to live. If I have to be on this earth a while longer, I want to have the best life I can possibly have.

Now my focus is on living. I am paying attention to what I eat and most of all, what I think. I love the walks I take with my dogs whether it is sunny out or blustery and cold. I love going to work and talking with the people that have homecare. I love writing this blog and hoping that I am helping someone else have a better life.

I love the life I am creating. There…I said it!

It is not that I like being without Ole but I love the life I am creating without him. That dosn’t mean I don’t miss him every second of every day but I am learning to live with that. And I know he is still here with me in my heart and my thoughts. So that is better than nothing.

But I am not a sad-natured person. I love to laugh and have fun. I love to make other’s smile and laugh. I love to give people hugs and be hugged. I love to hug my dogs (and cat when she lets me).

We are bombarded with negative images, ideas, stories, movies, thoughts and other people’s beliefs. Has it gotten to the point where this is the norm? Only if that is what we focus on. Only if we allow our lives to run on autopilot and accept all this crap on a day to day basis.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will focus on the things that are wonderful, fun, loving and amazing in your life. Take the time to write 3 to 5 things everyday before you go to bed that makes you happy or are grateful for. Take the time to say out loud that you love your life.

Free yourself from the negative burden we sometimes unknowingly carry around just because it is thrown at us from all sides. Start throwing it back and release your focus from the nasty, horrible, scary things in this world to see the sun shine through the rain clouds and the love that is waiting to be acknowledged each and every moment of your life.

The Starbucks Love Project. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg 

FOCUS on the greatness in your life, your relationship and you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

What does that mean to you to go on a Romantic Getaway? Take the weekend and go to a fancy 5 star hotel? Find a wonderful spa for you and your lover to indulge your every pampered thought and desire? Me too!

How about a camping trip when it is a little too cold for camping?

Imagine this…

It was end of April in the Rocky Mountains and Ole, my husband, came to pick me up from work. He sported a Cheshire grin and I said what’s up. He said he had a surprise for me. He was taking me away for a night of fun and passion.

I was excited. I thought hotel? Jacuzzi? Romantic Dinner? All of the above? Loving in luxury is always a favorite of mine.

Luxury it wasn’t. We started by stopping at Subway Subs for a snack for the road. Ole said he had supper under control but it would be a little while before we would eat so we should have something to tide us over till then.

When we settled back into the truck Ole ginned again and said he had been shopping. Now we are back on track I thought. Maybe some new love toys to use in our beautiful hotel room. I said great, where? His answer: Canadian Tire! I knew that this was not going to be what I expected.

We were going camping! We drove for about 3 hours then started to look for a secluded spot. Ole wanted a place where we can just set up. Not a campground with other people. Someplace we could relax and spend time together. 

We found a little clearing on the side of the road. It had a small stream running by it. It was so pretty and quiet. We set up the tent and pumped up the new air mattress from Canadian Tire. We had to have a tarp over the fire pit as it started to rain a little. Ole had bought a couple really nice steaks and made up potatoes with carrots and onions in a foil pouch. What a wonderful meal.

Ole also bought some fishing equipment. I had never fished before in my life. But he thought it would be fun and something relaxing to do together. And we could do this while our supper cooked. So we put on our insulated coveralls and boots because with night coming and the rain, it was getting cold, and we started fishing.

He was right. It was a great way to connect and enjoy time together. Something we had not tried before.  We didn’t fish long as it was getting dark and we thought we could snuggle around the fire and eat the wonderful meal that he had prepared for us. It was delicious. Good food. Good wine. Great company! What more could I ask for?

After supper we were feeling a little amorous and decided we should try out our new bed. The mood didn’t last long once we started taking off our clothes. IT WAS COLD! We decided it might be best to leave our insulated coveralls on and go to sleep. Then we can share a great breakfast of coffee cooked on the open fire and bacon and eggs.

When the air in the mattress cools off it gets really cold! We tossed and turned and fidgeted until 3 or 4 am. I asked if he was sleeping and he said no. I said why don’t we go home? Ole said he was just thinking the same thing. It is no easy task to take down a camp site at 4am in the dark and the tent is covered in a sheet of ice.

When we got home around 7am, we took a long hot shower together. Crawled into bed and made love. We were content, warm, happy and in love. It was a wonderful romantic getaway.

Romantic getaways are what you make them. This could have been a disaster if all I did was complain and crab about the cold, the rain and camping. But Ole took such pleasure in organizing this trip and was so excited to do this FOR me, I was swept off my feet with his tender gesture.

Be open to the romance in the situation. Open your eyes and your heart to see the love and the fantasy in the moment. You will be so very happy that you did.

Passionate regards….Brenda

!*!*!*!*!Happy New Year!*!*!*!*!

I have been working on a few things this past month and the holidays are still a little tough to handle without Ole. So I thought it was best to lie low and take care of myself.

So what kind of dreams do you have for 2010? What do you most wish for in this new year? Are you wishing to save the world from hunger and poverty? Are you dreaming of world peace? These are wonderful wishes and dreams and anything is possible so keep up the good thoughts.

What about for yourself? I know we all make the ‘I am going to loose 20 pounds this year’ resolution. Some are diligent enough to achieve the goal and others are swayed with the instant pleasure of chocolate on their lips. Okay I am really talking about myself here;-)

But I have made some pretty lofty wishes, dreams and goals for myself in 2010. I feel that this year is a special year for me and I am pretty sure I will achieve what I set out to do. 

1. Be happy…the past four years have been so very hard loosing Ole. I have been to hell and climbing my way out. I was naturally more on the happy/optimistic-side-of-life kind of gal. I miss that part of me. After Ole died, I was no longer that person and never will be who I was before. So I have decided to create a NEW happy/optimistic Me.

2. Share the love…I have been working in a handicap 24/7 facility for the past couple years. I love working there and I love hugging those people and dancing and playing with them. I believe I have made a difference in their lives. I still had so much love to give and I was so fortunate to have these people come into my life when I needed them most. As I loved them more and more, this love flowed right back to me from their wonderful, amazing selves. I will be forever grateful for this experience.

3. Help others…I love helping people. It doesn’t matter how I just like helping. If it’s helping to rip down a wall or to lend a soft shoulder and an open ear. I was a hairstylist for over 25 years. I loved my job. I loved to see people feel good when they walked out of my salon. The smiles and the new found confidence in their face meant everything to me. I loved to listen to their stories and offer what little wisdom I could to make them see their life was going great. I love helping others.

4. Start over…an odd dream/goal wouldn’t you say? I have been getting my house ready to sell here in Denmark so I can move back to Canada in the spring. I have nothing in Canada. Family yes, but no job, house, car, furniture. Nothing! I am starting over. I wish that this new start is the beginning to a remarkable new life. A life where I can continue to make a difference in our world by being happy, sharing love and helping others.

So those are my wishes and dreams for 2010. I am hoping that I will be able to accomplish the first three with this blog. Some feedback on what you would like to see here in regard with relationships would be great. I know Ole and I can help. I say Ole also because I learned so much from him how to love and help others and he made me VERY happy.

I found a letter from a dear friend after Ole died. She wrote:’…your great stories of your adventures as a couple – I could go on for a while but won’t. You were both an inspiration to me.Your deep love for Ole was so evident. Not afraid to share an embrace or a kiss in front of us – how special! May you find comfort and peace in your aching heart…’

I wish that for you too. May you find comfort and peace in 2010. May all your most heart felt wishes and dreams become your reality. May you have a most blessed and amazing year in 2010.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I had the best dream last night. There were three men in my dream. My husband was one. It was wonderful to see and talk with him. I have noticed in the past few nights when I dream about Ole that he comes in a disguise. But I always know it was him when I wake up. I love dreaming about him.

The other two men were lovers from my past. They were wonderful men. Full of life and everything that comes with it. Both of them always held a special place in my heart.

I did love them but the difference between them and my husband was that I was IN LOVE with my husband. I wanted to spend every moment of every day with Ole and more. The other two…yes I loved them but was not ‘in love’ with them.

People get so whacked out of shape about saying ‘I love you’. I tell the people at the 24/7 care facility where I work ’I love you’ and hug them all the time. Maybe they don’t actually understand the meaning of the words but they understand the feeling behind them.

And most of the people I work with don’t like that I tell them this and hug them. They say we are not their family or friends. We are there to help them with their daily lives.

My colleagues are right. I am not family or, by definition, a friend.

But I tell them because it is important for everyone to feel the love that comes through by saying those 3 little words. It is important because it make the receiver feel special and cared for and that they matter to someone.

Again, maybe they don’t understand the actual meaning but they can FEEL what is being said. Their faces light up and they smile the biggest smiles. They hug me and the love comes right back.  

Am I IN LOVE with them? No. But they hold a very special place in my heart and will forever, even after I’m not there to hug them and tell them ‘I love you’. Isn’t being loved part of helping someone through the day?

Do you understand what I am saying? Be bold today and tell someone you love them. Even if it shocks them, do it anyway. Then hug them and let them know they hold a special place in your heart.

EVERYONE needs to be loved. People are happier. People are healthier. Scientific facts! The more hugs a person receives the happier and healthier they are. This goes for all people no matter their level of understanding, age or status in life.  

Tell a special someone you love them and see their face light up.

I love YOU!

Passionate regards….Brenda