May, 2005

January 15th, as of 2pm Copenhagen time, I have been without my husband, the love of my life, for 4 years. I took our dogs for a walk and was thinking about Ole and how I used to get on his case about such Stupid Little Things. What I wouldn’t give to have those 30 seconds of dumb, twisted anger to hold him and kiss him and flood his heart with all the love I have in me for him.

We listened to so many ‘experts’ on so many topics. They said, ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff.’ I heard it but didn’t live it. I would give all of my tomorrows for just five minutes with Ole. I miss the sound of his voice, the way he walked, the touch of his hand on mine and the softness of his kiss. I miss touching his hair and beard, stroking his back and snuggling with him in bed.

Back to my walk with our girls…

I was thinking about the Stupid Little Things that I got upset about. Things that don’t make any difference in the whole scheme of my life. But I wasted that 30 seconds or 3 minutes of being grumpy. I would give everything to take back that time just to hold him and tell him ‘I love you.’

Then I got to thinking that there are other people that do this too. We had couples talk to us about the little things and how crazy mad they would get at their partner for them. Then I thought that I have to share this with everyone. It is important.

Some of the Stupid Little Things that were brought up were:

• not wiping off the counter when they were done making a sandwich
• leaving their clothes on the floor
• leaving the toilet seat up (classic complaint)
• not cleaning the house
• chewing with their mouth open (one of mine!)
• driving too fast
• driving too slow
• don’t want to go out to visit friend’s

The list could go on but this was just a few I could recall and use from my own list. I can imagine that for some people they are big issues but are they really? When I look back at some of the things I would yell at Ole about, I just cringe in shame. They were just Stupid Little Things.

It is all about perception and how you see the situation. I can hear you already, protesting and saying these things are important. Maybe you are right. Maybe they are important to you today but maybe next week you won’t even flinch if the seat is up when you go in the bathroom.

My point is, Stupid Little Things take up a lot of precious time. Time you could be loving each other. Time you could be kissing or making love. Time you could be talking instead of being angry and yelling.

Time you will never get back!

Our time is the most valuable thing we have. Ole always told me that. Maybe some place inside he knew that his time in this life was so short. I don’t know. I DO know that I can never get back the time I spent being angry over Stupid Little Things. That makes me so very sad.

When you want to react to one of your Stupid Little Things triggers, ask yourself if your life was threatened by this Stupid Little Thing. Ask yourself, that if your lover was to die tomorrow, would you feel guilty about yelling at them over this Stupid Little Thing? Ask yourself, that if you were to die tomorrow, is this the most recent memory you would want for them? Let them live with the guilt of this Stupid Little Thing?

Time is our most valuable asset.

We all only get so many minutes in our adventurous, little life. We aren’t sure how many or when our clock will stop. But we can decide to value the time we have. That means use our time to bring more love into our lives and those around us. And if you really want to have an adventure, bring more love into the world.

Use your time wisely and with love. You will be happier for it!

Passionate regards….Brenda