I am a little slow on what is happening in the world at times but I know where my focus is in my life. It is to bring more love into other people’s lives which brings more love into mine.

I received the latest newsletter from FinerMinds and there was a video link on it. From this link I clicked on a couple more and then I came to the Starbucks Love Project. WOW!

It brought me to tears!

There are many horrible events happening the world over. We have front row seats to many of them on our TVs. I don’t watch the news. I don’t read newspapers. I read the headlines on the Internet. I don’t even read all of them anymore as it all focuses on the nasty, terrible happenings in our world.

But the Starbucks Love Project turned the lightbulb on in my head. There were 156 countries that participated in this project. That is a lot of diverse people with different beliefs and cultures all focusing on one thing…LOVE.

The countries in this video are many of the same ones we see on the nightly news. It is sad we don’t see the encouraging pieces of information coming from our newscasters. If we saw more positive stories on our newscasts, think about how that would impact our world. WOW!

I believe this is the same in our relationships. Ole and I always focused on our love. Yes, you know from past posts that we argued, but that NEVER meant we didn’t love each other.

We listened to many couples talk about their relationships and what was wrong with this, that or the other person. That was their focus. They only saw the negative bits of their partner and their relationship.

When I would want to talk to Ole about something I wouldn’t first think ‘Oh..I hope this doesn’t end up in a huge argument’. That is only putting the focus on arguing instead of finding a solution or coming to some kind of an agreement.

I was talking with a friend the other day about going to a sweat lodge. We had been to one last year and both enjoyed it to no end. But she said she was scared to go because she was worried she would get claustrophobic in the sweat hut.

I asked her if she enjoyed it last time. She said yes. I asked her if she had a problem with it last time. She said no. I said then she should focus on what she liked and how great she felt instead of projecting the negative before it even happens. She lit up and said, “You’re right!”

The first 2½ to 3 years after Ole died I focused on death. I saw death all around me…funerals…hearses…roadkill…death on TV…sad death movies…it was awful. But I was so focused on dying that I was trying to will myself to die to be with Ole.  I know it sounds silly now, but I was so low in my energy and my thoughts.

When I finally woke up and realised that I was not dying, I decided that I better find a better way to live. If I have to be on this earth a while longer, I want to have the best life I can possibly have.

Now my focus is on living. I am paying attention to what I eat and most of all, what I think. I love the walks I take with my dogs whether it is sunny out or blustery and cold. I love going to work and talking with the people that have homecare. I love writing this blog and hoping that I am helping someone else have a better life.

I love the life I am creating. There…I said it!

It is not that I like being without Ole but I love the life I am creating without him. That dosn’t mean I don’t miss him every second of every day but I am learning to live with that. And I know he is still here with me in my heart and my thoughts. So that is better than nothing.

But I am not a sad-natured person. I love to laugh and have fun. I love to make other’s smile and laugh. I love to give people hugs and be hugged. I love to hug my dogs (and cat when she lets me).

We are bombarded with negative images, ideas, stories, movies, thoughts and other people’s beliefs. Has it gotten to the point where this is the norm? Only if that is what we focus on. Only if we allow our lives to run on autopilot and accept all this crap on a day to day basis.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will focus on the things that are wonderful, fun, loving and amazing in your life. Take the time to write 3 to 5 things everyday before you go to bed that makes you happy or are grateful for. Take the time to say out loud that you love your life.

Free yourself from the negative burden we sometimes unknowingly carry around just because it is thrown at us from all sides. Start throwing it back and release your focus from the nasty, horrible, scary things in this world to see the sun shine through the rain clouds and the love that is waiting to be acknowledged each and every moment of your life.

The Starbucks Love Project. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7D2g5v-Sg 

FOCUS on the greatness in your life, your relationship and you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I just saw Avatar and had a HUGE AHA moment. Remember when Nevtiri and Jake Sully said to each other “I SEE YOU“?

WOW! My mind and heart blew wide open and I immediately thought of Ole. Then the tears of love and understanding started to flow.

Why?

Ole would tell me all the time “I love you”. I was nervous that one day those words would have no meaning if he used them too often. Little did I know how much power those words carried and that you can NEVER say them too often.

But when I heard those two Navi say “I SEE YOU” to each other, I understood, REALLY UNDERSTOOD, what saying I Love You means. Of course I have always known what I Love You means but a deeper meaning was revealed to me in that moment.

I mean think about it. What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you? Does it mean you are connected through your emotions or your heart? Does it mean that you are happy to be around this person? Does it mean that your life is better or feels complete with this person in your life? What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you?

When those two Navi said “I SEE YOU”, I totally understood what ‘I Love You’ means to me. I totally understood what Ole was saying to me so many times throughout the day. I totally understood what I felt when I heard him say ‘I Love You’ and what I felt in my heart when I said ‘I Love You Too’.

We were telling each other that we SAW this other person. We SAW all the GREATNESS, all the GOODNESS, all the AMAZING qualities in this other person. We saw all of the flaws, all of the bad decisions, all of the sadness and disappointments as well. And we accepted ALL of this without reserve. We accepted each other as a loving partner in this life.

We SAW each other. We UNDERSTOOD each other. We knew that neither one of us was perfect but at the same time, perfect for each of us to be in this intimate relationship with. This meant accepting this other person as they are.

Take a moment and think about your closest relationships. Do you tell these important people in your life that you love them? When they screw up, and most people do at some point in time, do you still love them or do you turn away? Do you with-hold your affections or your friendship because you feel hurt or betrayed? 

I have done both.

I have had friends that I turned my back on because something happened and my feelings got hurt. I don’t know if it was pride, anger or the hurt went deep into my heart, but there have been times when I didn’t have contact with these ‘friends’ for years. I would have to say that I really didn’t SEE these friends. And on the flip side, maybe they really didn’t SEE me either.

With Ole, there were many times we had cross words but not to the point where we could not talk to each other after. Absolutely, there were times when I needed half an hour or so to calm myself so I could talk rationally but we did eventually talk. We did work out our problems. We never left a problem or argument dangling to produce tension in our relationship.

I wish with all my heart that I could tell Ole “I SEE YOU” and explain how all encompassing those words are for how I feel about him. But I am so grateful that I know Ole SAW me. Even if he said it with ‘I Love You’.

As for my friends, I am wiser now and know that turning my back is not the way to handle a problem in any relationship. Maybe I have grown up at last!

Let the people that are important in your life KNOW that you SEE them. Be brave and feel the greatness in your own heart, in your own being by allowing them to SEE you too.

Passionate regards….Brenda