When was the last time you challenged yourself? Maybe it was to accomplish a goal by a certain date or to achieve something great in sports. Maybe you wanted to learn something new and challenged yourself to do it?

Let me ask you this, when was the last time you challenged yourself to DO better, BE better in your relationship?

We focus so much on our outer world; our jobs, sports, hobbies, school, families. Sometimes our intimate relationships get pushed to the bottom of the list. We forget that our relationship with our wonderful other is one of our greatest challenges and achievements.

Ole and I were on a constant quest to learn more about how to have a great marriage. No we didn’t have kids to take care of but that doesn’t mean we had a lot of free time. But we still found the time to explore and learn to bring MORE into our marriage.

We challenged ourselves to be the best we could be in our marriage. And this meant learning about each other and relationships. We were very proud of the fact that people ALWAYS commented on what a loving relationship we had. But we also put a lot of work into our relationship too.

There are so many couples that don’t make it. I just wonder if they would have challenged themselves to BE more, DO more with each other, would they still decide to split up?

I believe that we focus on so much outside ourselves that we forget to focus on what is most important and just hope it will run on autopilot. We set financial, physical,  job related challenges and goals and we leave the most important part of our life, our relationship, to flow as best it can with little or no guidance.

How often do you hear anyone talking about they are setting a goal to learn 6 new sexual positions over the next 2 weeks? Or they have a goal to plan THE MOST romantic evening their partner could EVER imagine? Or they will learn 4 new places on their lovers body they like to be kissed, stroked, rubbed, or bit?

Not very often.

As we grow up we are not taught how to have a relationship. With the amount of divorces and single parents, it is difficult for kids to learn how to have a loving, long-term relationship because kids learn these things by example.

Again, I am not judging, just stating facts. I don’t know what has happened in people’s lives to bring them to the place that they are. We all make our own decisions and mistakes. I am not placing blame on anyone.

I am just suggesting that if couples would challenge them self or each other to learn more about love, making love and living in love, maybe we would have less divorces and single parents.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house with both my parents. But that does not mean I learned how to have a great relationship with Ole. I am sure my parents loved each other but they didn’t hug and kiss in front of us. Well, Christmas morning, birthdays, that kind of thing they would give each other a little squeeze and kiss.

But my Mom has a temper and I learned how to yell. I learned that is how you argue with your husband (but it’s not the best way for sure). I don’t remember how often Mom would yell at Dad but I guess it was often enough. And then she wouldn’t talk to him after.

In high school, I watched how the kids dated. When I worked in the bars, I watched how people, lovers, treated each other. I wasn’t impressed so I never dated. But that doesn’t mean I never had ‘relationships’ with men. I just didn’t want anything long-term because I didn’t like what I had seen in my family’s relationships or most people around me.

I was fascinated with relationships and sex long before I met Ole and read more books than I can count. It was exciting to try new things. It was interesting to learn about the dynamics of a relationship. And when Ole and I got married, I was even more interested to learn, as was he.

Decide today that you will challenge yourself to learn something exciting, new, interesting, adventurous to bring more joy and love into your relationship. Challenge yourself to be all that you can be in your love affair and then push yourself that little bit extra.

If we put as much effort into our relationships as we do our sports, hobbies or watching TV, we all would have relationships that would grow and flourish into the romance of the century.

Be Bold! Be Brave! Be Adventurous! Challenge yourself to BE MORE in your relationship. The results are worth it.

Passioante regards….Brenda

!*!*!*!*!Happy New Year!*!*!*!*!

I have been working on a few things this past month and the holidays are still a little tough to handle without Ole. So I thought it was best to lie low and take care of myself.

So what kind of dreams do you have for 2010? What do you most wish for in this new year? Are you wishing to save the world from hunger and poverty? Are you dreaming of world peace? These are wonderful wishes and dreams and anything is possible so keep up the good thoughts.

What about for yourself? I know we all make the ‘I am going to loose 20 pounds this year’ resolution. Some are diligent enough to achieve the goal and others are swayed with the instant pleasure of chocolate on their lips. Okay I am really talking about myself here;-)

But I have made some pretty lofty wishes, dreams and goals for myself in 2010. I feel that this year is a special year for me and I am pretty sure I will achieve what I set out to do. 

1. Be happy…the past four years have been so very hard loosing Ole. I have been to hell and climbing my way out. I was naturally more on the happy/optimistic-side-of-life kind of gal. I miss that part of me. After Ole died, I was no longer that person and never will be who I was before. So I have decided to create a NEW happy/optimistic Me.

2. Share the love…I have been working in a handicap 24/7 facility for the past couple years. I love working there and I love hugging those people and dancing and playing with them. I believe I have made a difference in their lives. I still had so much love to give and I was so fortunate to have these people come into my life when I needed them most. As I loved them more and more, this love flowed right back to me from their wonderful, amazing selves. I will be forever grateful for this experience.

3. Help others…I love helping people. It doesn’t matter how I just like helping. If it’s helping to rip down a wall or to lend a soft shoulder and an open ear. I was a hairstylist for over 25 years. I loved my job. I loved to see people feel good when they walked out of my salon. The smiles and the new found confidence in their face meant everything to me. I loved to listen to their stories and offer what little wisdom I could to make them see their life was going great. I love helping others.

4. Start over…an odd dream/goal wouldn’t you say? I have been getting my house ready to sell here in Denmark so I can move back to Canada in the spring. I have nothing in Canada. Family yes, but no job, house, car, furniture. Nothing! I am starting over. I wish that this new start is the beginning to a remarkable new life. A life where I can continue to make a difference in our world by being happy, sharing love and helping others.

So those are my wishes and dreams for 2010. I am hoping that I will be able to accomplish the first three with this blog. Some feedback on what you would like to see here in regard with relationships would be great. I know Ole and I can help. I say Ole also because I learned so much from him how to love and help others and he made me VERY happy.

I found a letter from a dear friend after Ole died. She wrote:’…your great stories of your adventures as a couple – I could go on for a while but won’t. You were both an inspiration to me.Your deep love for Ole was so evident. Not afraid to share an embrace or a kiss in front of us – how special! May you find comfort and peace in your aching heart…’

I wish that for you too. May you find comfort and peace in 2010. May all your most heart felt wishes and dreams become your reality. May you have a most blessed and amazing year in 2010.

Passionate regards….Brenda