I was listening to Bob Proctor and his Six Minutes to Success program. He was talking about sex(the noun).  He said we have a lot of misunderstanding about sex. I have to agree with him. Where do you stand? Is it good, bad or otherwise?

There is so much tabu about sex and talking openly about it. Yet we can talk easily about the war, bloody accidents, fights, angry situations and the graphic scenes we see in movies of murder, rape, child abuse etc.

 But if you start talking about sex, people get all twittery and shy. Or else they just shut you down or shut you out. WHY?

I believe there is sex(the verb) and there is making love. And there is a definite difference. Sex is the one-night-stands. Sex is the 10 minute quickies. Sex is about just seeking that adreneline rush you get from having intercourse and the orgasmic release you feel in your body. Sex is a lot about looking out for your own gratification.

But making love is something totally different. When you make love you engage ALL your senses. You feel every caress to the Nth degree. Each kiss is savoured like a delicious dessert. The dance of 2 loving people in the horizontal position is as beautiful as a ballet.

And as your own mind and body are whirling in this amazing feeling dance, you are very aware of your partner and what they feel as well. You are focused as much on their body and that they should experience incredible titillating sensations as you are on your own self.

Sensual. Sexual. Exciting. Building to a crescendo with each touch, with each kiss, with each thrust. You engauge ALL of your senses. Your smell is heightened. Your skin tingles. Your body pulses. It’s the most amazing thing to make love with someone you are in love with.

I remember asking a girlfriend one time what it was like to make love to man you are in love with. She said she could not describe how wonderful it felt. But she said that once you do, you will know the difference. She was absolutely right!

When I would make love to Ole, I knew exactly what she was talking about. The feelings, the sensations, EVERYTHING was different. I had never made love before. I had only had sex. I knew that then.

So back to Bob Proctor…he said that when two people are in rapport with their ideas and emotions, they have a great physical relationship. I absolutely agree with him!

We think foreplay is just the part that gets your mind and body in the mood for intercourse. But it is more than that. We engage in foreplay almost all of the time.

Every time you run your hand across your lover’s shoulders, every time you talk about your hopes, dreams, ideas and fears, you are engaging in foreplay. Bob Proctor calls it rapport.

Now think about this. If the person you are in an intimate and sexual relationship with was not someone you liked to talk to, share your thoughts, hopes and fears with, or have anything in common, do you think that your sex life would be so great? NO!

Our minds and emotions must be involved in the sexual experience to make it a mind blowing event.

Try it! The next time you are going to make love to your sweetheart, don’t think about anything. NOTHING!

You cannot think about where their hands are touching you. You cannot see the colors as you close your eyes and allow your soul to be swept away in a river of sensuality and excitement. You cannot let your heart explode with love when they drive your body to the brink of release.  You can only focus on your body and the release you are seeking.

Can you do that? I doubt it.

BUT! If you were just having sex with someone, you could do that. You could just get lost inside your own physical senses and have your fun.

And the reason you can do this when you are having that one-night-stand is because there is no rapport. There is no connection of the mind the same way you have when you get to know another person and the way you feel when you give your heart to your partner and share with them your life.

Ole and I had quickies. They were great in that moment. But I loved MAKING LOVE with Ole. We took our time and prolonged the experience. We savoured each moment. We would never have been able to connect on the deep levels we did without being in rapport, without getting to KNOW each other.

Get in rapport, get in tune, get in harmony with your lover. You will never have to think about if sex is good, bad or otherwise. And you will feel the difference when you make love.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I just saw Avatar and had a HUGE AHA moment. Remember when Nevtiri and Jake Sully said to each other “I SEE YOU“?

WOW! My mind and heart blew wide open and I immediately thought of Ole. Then the tears of love and understanding started to flow.

Why?

Ole would tell me all the time “I love you”. I was nervous that one day those words would have no meaning if he used them too often. Little did I know how much power those words carried and that you can NEVER say them too often.

But when I heard those two Navi say “I SEE YOU” to each other, I understood, REALLY UNDERSTOOD, what saying I Love You means. Of course I have always known what I Love You means but a deeper meaning was revealed to me in that moment.

I mean think about it. What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you? Does it mean you are connected through your emotions or your heart? Does it mean that you are happy to be around this person? Does it mean that your life is better or feels complete with this person in your life? What does ‘I Love You’ mean to you?

When those two Navi said “I SEE YOU”, I totally understood what ‘I Love You’ means to me. I totally understood what Ole was saying to me so many times throughout the day. I totally understood what I felt when I heard him say ‘I Love You’ and what I felt in my heart when I said ‘I Love You Too’.

We were telling each other that we SAW this other person. We SAW all the GREATNESS, all the GOODNESS, all the AMAZING qualities in this other person. We saw all of the flaws, all of the bad decisions, all of the sadness and disappointments as well. And we accepted ALL of this without reserve. We accepted each other as a loving partner in this life.

We SAW each other. We UNDERSTOOD each other. We knew that neither one of us was perfect but at the same time, perfect for each of us to be in this intimate relationship with. This meant accepting this other person as they are.

Take a moment and think about your closest relationships. Do you tell these important people in your life that you love them? When they screw up, and most people do at some point in time, do you still love them or do you turn away? Do you with-hold your affections or your friendship because you feel hurt or betrayed? 

I have done both.

I have had friends that I turned my back on because something happened and my feelings got hurt. I don’t know if it was pride, anger or the hurt went deep into my heart, but there have been times when I didn’t have contact with these ‘friends’ for years. I would have to say that I really didn’t SEE these friends. And on the flip side, maybe they really didn’t SEE me either.

With Ole, there were many times we had cross words but not to the point where we could not talk to each other after. Absolutely, there were times when I needed half an hour or so to calm myself so I could talk rationally but we did eventually talk. We did work out our problems. We never left a problem or argument dangling to produce tension in our relationship.

I wish with all my heart that I could tell Ole “I SEE YOU” and explain how all encompassing those words are for how I feel about him. But I am so grateful that I know Ole SAW me. Even if he said it with ‘I Love You’.

As for my friends, I am wiser now and know that turning my back is not the way to handle a problem in any relationship. Maybe I have grown up at last!

Let the people that are important in your life KNOW that you SEE them. Be brave and feel the greatness in your own heart, in your own being by allowing them to SEE you too.

Passionate regards….Brenda