Not many people know the difference between romance and intimacy. Many people think if you have one you have the other but that is far from the truth.

First, I think so you can understand what I mean, I will give you the definition of both. These definitions come from the Gage The Senior Dictionary.

Romance: a love story, a story of adventure, a story or poem telling of heroes, real events or conditions that are like such stories, full of love, excitement, or noble deeds, an interest in adventure and love, a love affair, a false or extravagant story.

Intimate: very familiar, known very well, closely acquainted, close, very personal, most private, far within, a close friend.

Intimacy: the state of being intimate, close acquaintance, a familiar or intimate act

To be intimate with another person means to KNOW them. Know what they think, what they feel, what they believe, what they wish for. Being intimate means to know another persons fears and what they love. Being intimate with someone means you know everything there is to know about them and continue to learn more.

When you are romantic….well do I need to tell you? If you don’t know what it is to be romantic, go to the book store or library and get educated. Become a student of the fine art of seduction and romance.

I want to focus on intimacy though. We can be intimate with many people in our lives in many ways on different levels. Think about your closest friend. Are you intimate with them? If they are your CLOSEST friend, I would have to say yes. I am not talking about sleeping with them, but I bet you know things about your friend that others don’t.

Now think about your lover. Are you intimate with them? Really think for just a minute. You are intimate on the physical level but do you really know them? Do you know what they fear, love, wish for and so on?

Ole and I had a great advantage when we were ‘dating’. Our dates consisted of talking on the phone because he was in Denmark and I was in Yukon, Canada. So we would talk for at least an hour per phone call and sometimes twice a day. We talked almost every day for 3 months before I went to Denmark to celebrate New Years with him.

After I came home from a 3 week holiday, we continued to talk for another 2 months before I went to Denmark to live and see where our relationship was going.

I got to know Ole better than most people who see each other every day because we romanced each other with our words which led to the deep intimacy of our relationship. Now understand that our conversations were not all flowery and smoochy and all that kissy stuff.

WE TALKED. WE LISTENED. WE WERE INTIMATE.

I felt so close to Ole in a way I have never felt with anybody before because I got to KNOW him. We would be talking about something and I would be blown away with his depth and knowledge. I would ask him, “How can you know that? You are only 24 years old!” He was amazing. He opened my eyes to look at the world in so many different ways.

As we talked, I opened myself to him also. I let Ole into places within me that others have never heard nor seen. He knew by looking at my eyes that my mood had changed. We heard so often that our relationship was closer than some couples that had been married for 50 years.

Ole definitely made me a better person because of who he was. I am forever grateful to have had him in my life. He is still and always will be in my life. I have never been so intimate with anyone before. Both physically and emotionally, as well as spiritually. I feel so lucky to have shared so much with such a (I am struggling for a word here because there is not one word to describe my husband) wonderful,amazing, intelligent man.

I found this quote shortly after Ole died. I would have love to have shared it with him as it was exactly how I felt.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. - Elizabeth Barret Browning

Romance alone cannot make a person love. INTIMACY is the true way to the heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda