How has your week been? Have you let your unconditional love shine through for all to bask in? Feels like the warmth of a beautiful sunny day pouring over you. That goes for both the receiver and the giver!

I have a question for you. Have you ever taken the time to pick out the perfect gift, bouquet, poem or card, or planned THE perfect date to give to that special person in your life and it blew-up like a bomb right in your face as well as your heart? You thought that you had THE PERFECT thing to show how much you cared for this other person and they went crazy.

This has happened to me. I was living with a guy and I wanted to be able to give him a beautiful night with no cares and away from the hectic business he ran. I wanted to just give him a beautiful night off from the headaches and the hassles of clients and everything else in the office.

I had made reservations at a wonderful restaurant and then we were going to go spend the night in a gorgeous B & B. The room was Victorian and I asked for a decadent dessert to be waiting in the room when we arrived. I had candles and flowers, it was beautiful! And perfect, or so I thought.

We went for dinner. All through dinner all he did was grumble and complain about one thing or another. I kept my positive attitude and figured once we got to the B & B, he would relax and start to enjoy himself. Man, what a mistake that was! We walked in and he flipped. He didn’t have time for this blah, blah, blah.

Long story short, he left, I was in tears and the relaxing, romantic night I had planned was a huge bust. I was hurt and angry for a long time, even after we went our separate ways. But I know now that I gave him what ‘I’ wanted. Not what he needed. He needed to work out what was bugging him at the office not have a night off. It may have been a great surprise if my timing would have been better.

Sometimes the best gift we can give to another is just our love and attention. Be aware of what your lover, wife, husband really needs at that moment. The diamond bracelet may seem showy and money poorly spent if their attention is on the less fortunate or if they are worried about your current financial situation.

When you express your love in the form of a gift, make sure it is something the person you are giving it to wants. You wouldn’t give a fishing rod to a person that hates fishing. Why would you give roses to someone with an allergy to flowers? There are many ways to express your love and appreciation to another so show them in their terms.

Think of it this way! If you spoke a foreign language and wanted to show your love to another, you could TELL them all day and if they didn’t understand your words, they would not get the message. But if you told them, looked deep into their eyes, took this person in your arms and kissed them passionately, they would get the drift!

There are times when two people have been together for a while that they forget to pay attention. They go about their everyday business and just expect that their partner KNOWS what they want, thinks, feels. But people change and at a rapid rate these days. There aren’t many bonafide mind readers so we have to keep checking in with our lover and keep current with their ideas and beliefs. Not saying that you have to believe as they do. Just so you know what is going on inside them.

So for this week, pay attention to how you show your love for others. Do you give gifts that YOU like or that THEY WOULD LIKE? Do you KNOW what interests your sweetheart or do you assume what they are interested in?

Write notes if it helps you to remember. Then you will know that they prefer daisies over irises. Then you will know that you can’t go to a seafood restaurant because they don’t like the smell of cooked fish. Or whatever the like or dislike may be.

Our lives speed by so quickly and we get wrapped up in what we are doing that to pay attention to the small things gets forgotten. Take a moment this week and do yourself a favor. ASK QUESTIONS! Even if you think you KNOW the answers, ask anyway. You may find out some very interesting things about those that are closest to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have had so many comments to the post Games People Play. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and comment on them. I am so happy that our marriage, love and ideas are helping other people find the love of their dreams.

What worries me is that there must be many people playing stupid games with their lovers. Why? What does this accomplish?

Are we really programmed to look for the negative in our lives? Do we believe someplace under our surface thoughts that our loving relationship will never last? That all good things must come to an end? Then we do something to screw it up to make sure we were right in believing that?

And of course, the destruction of our relationship is not due to any actions on our part. It is ALWAYS someone’s  fault other than our own that our love life fell apart (my heart is hurting just writing this).

Why can’t we look for the good in what we have? Ole and I held a couples seminar and one woman told us that she gets suspicious of her husband when he brings flowers home. She wonders if he has been out with another woman, something to hide, or make up for. YIKES!

I think it’s sad that her first thought wasn’t, “How sweet! You are so loving and kind to think of me.” Nope! Jump to the negative first. What a shame and possibly a waste of precious time because this will surely end up in a ‘discussion’.

We can retrain ourselves though. That is a fact. We can begin to focus on the good in our lives and our relationships. This is especially true for times when your mind wants to take you on the slanted slopes of mental slavery into the negative.

Ole and I had a book beside the bed.  Every night we would write in 3 to 5 things we were grateful for about each other. I was and still am always grateful for his love. We retrained our thinking patterns to look for the positive in our lives.

Eventually we found that we would only use it if we had been arguing because when you are upset and angry it is absolutely important to acknowledge the things you love about your partner. It is imperative to know that you can be angry with each other but still love one another.

And when your mind wants to jump on the ski hill to negative slavery, STOP! Stop the thought immediately. Don’t even go there because then you start slipping and before you know it you are at the bottom of the hill and angry. About what? Your own assumptions, beliefs and ideas about what is going on. These dangerous thoughts do not help in the truth of the situation.

If you start looking for all the nasty things, you will not have the vision to see and experience all the wonderful, loving adventures in your relationship. OK…Do this RIGHT NOW! Look around your room and count all the things that are red. You have 10 seconds. Hurry! LOOK NOW!

How many things did you see that were green? When all you want to see and focus on are the red things, your mind can not pick up on the green that is surely right in front of you.

It is the same in our relationships. Look for the love. Feel the love. Take a pleasure cruise on the Love Boat your whole life and leave behind the slippery slopes of mental slavery into the negative ( I’m just having a little fun with the imagery ).

Look for the good things in your life and relationship. With every day that passes, comes new and wonderful adventures in our lives. Even in the midst of heavy and sad times there is always something good.

I don’t have my husband here with me now but I can sure remember the love and good times we had. That brings me a lot of happiness knowing that we had such an incredible relationship that others always noticed and commented on.

And I still have my girls…2 dogs and a cat. They make me smile every day.

Look for the good in your life. We have so much to be thankful for.

Passionate regards….Brenda