Reactions and regrets
by | Posted in Passionate Results 12 Comments »Some days I just want to crawl into a hole 
Okay…have you ever been in the situation where something happens or someone says something and you react without thinking? Just jump right in and stick both feet in your mouth. Then kick yourself in the ass for a couple days after.
I think most people can relate to this. Especially when it comes to the person you are closest to. Maybe it’s your lover, your best friend, or your family. And I am sure, if you are human, you have said or reacted to a stranger in a not-so-acceptable fashion also.
I am not judging or saying that these actions are okay. Like I said, I do it too. We are human and there is more than meets the eye at times.
I know with myself I tend to jump before I think when my mind is cluttered. I am thinking about the bills, my dogs, my Mom, my dead husband, my strange family and the list goes on.
I know there were times with Ole that I jumped before I thought. And that is my biggest regret. Of course we talked after the fact. We always talked and resolved our issues. And we talked more in the hospital about these times too, but I didn’t get more time to show him I meant what I said. That I was sorry for my actions. I didn’t get more time to show him how much I loved him and how important he was to me.
That is difficult to live with some days. Then I have to let it go. Hope that I won’t make the same insensitive mistakes with other people in my life. And sometimes I still do. My mind still gets cluttered with everyday thoughts and worries.
Then I think, how can I handle this situation better next time? What can I do to not be an ass and react in a more loving manner? How can I handle this situation without anger, yelling, closing down, feeling out of control and powerless?
This is what helped for Ole and me…
Take a minute and if you need to, walk away. Tell the other person you will talk to them in 10, 20 minutes. Take the time you need to collect yourself and your thoughts. THEN you can be more rational, respectful, kind and loving in your responses. Make sure you go back after the 10, 20 minutes and talk.
When Ole and I had issues (OK arguments…ya happy?), I would just tell him I could not talk to him right now. I would be fuming inside but I KNEW if I started talking then I would say something nasty and definitely regret it later.
We would sit down after 30 minutes or so and talk. I am not saying I would not still be angry but I WAS more calm and collected. I was very much in the moment and my thinking was only on the issue at hand.
Regrets…they are tough to let go of. But if we hold on to them, we can never move out of that spot. We can never find that better way to defuse a situation. The only thing we can do is learn from them and work on a better solution and mode of response the next time.
I hope this will open a door of new opportunities in communicating with the people around you. It really is amazing that when you come from a place of calmness and love, the resolution is so much easier.
Passionate regards….Brenda
Tags: arguments, communication, love, regrets
November 10th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Thanks so much for sharing these thoughts. I was on the receiving end of a comment from a friend that hurt me deeply, and the worst part about it – which I realized later, with her help – was that she didn’t just acknowledge and accept that her words had caused me pain. As a result, I completely over-reacted and the rift between us lasted for a couple of years. The idea of stepping back to calm down makes so much sense. I would add one thing, in this age of digital communication: Don’t send, text, tweet or post ANYTHING when you’re angry or hurt.
Blessings and love to you.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
How True Joni! Thank you for adding that. People forget that when you are physically hurt, the pain goes away. But when you are hurt with words, they attack you every time you think about that situation. And the pain is still there.
Blessings and love to you also Joni.
January 25th, 2010 at 4:33 am
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January 26th, 2010 at 8:12 am
Thank you so much for you kind words. It makes me happy to know that what Ole and I knew and experienced in our relationship is helping others. If you have any topics you would like to be explored, please let me know.
As for the theme…I am not good with the tech stuff so I will direct you to the man that designed it for me. He is wonderful and talented. His name is Paulo at http://www.PRO-eCovers.com I just can’t say enough about him. Contact Paulo and you will not be disappointed. BTW, I took out your email for your protection. Hope you are okay with that.
Passionate regards….Brenda
February 7th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
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February 7th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Thanks for taking the time to read my post Kathrine. I can only tell you what I have experienced. If that makes me an expert, so be it. Regrets are a horrible thing to live with. I do my best to move past them and I think writing this blog helps a lot. Thanks again and I really appreciate you passing along my blog to others.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
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February 10th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
I can not say thank you enough. Your kind words are more than I could hope for in writing this blog. It was my only intention to carry on what Ole and I started many years past. I feel he would be proud of what we have created. Thank you again.
May 3rd, 2010 at 7:08 pm
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