29th August

Relationship Safety

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

I was at a friend’s 40th birthday party yesterday and had such a huge AHA moment…I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

I don’t go to many large parties or functions these days. Not because I am anti-social or anything. I have enjoyed many delightful dinners with 2 or 3 couples and me. But I can see myself a little clearer from having attended this party yesterday.

It was a lovely affair with around 50 people or so. Nothing huge where you are not sure if there will be someone you can talk with, but an intimate gathering of family and friends. It was very calm and relaxed. People were enjoying themselves, talking, drinking, eating. It was quite wonderful.

There were several people I knew there that I could talk with and enjoy. The thing was I felt like a fish out of water. I felt so alone inside myself. I felt emotional, nervous, sad and happy at the same time. I felt like I wanted to just come home to the ‘Safety’ of my house and dogs.

As I drove home I was asking myself what was going on with me? I was never one to step away from a good time. I was always the one that could talk to anyone and everyone. I was always the one to laugh loud and have fun. I was always one of the last people to leave because I didn’t want to miss anything. What happened?

I lost the Relationship Safety I had knowing Ole was beside me.

“What does that mean exactly?” I asked myself. It meant I felt totally exposed. I felt like people could see into me and see through me. I felt like there was no back-up if I needed one. Meaning there was no one to just sit with and watch the party unfold. Not having to think about what to say or where I should stand.

I was so shocked as this unravelled in my head as I drove home. I have never been nervous about doing things on my own. I have always been very independent and self assured. Even in our marriage I did many things on my own with Ole’s blessing. So this was somewhat unsettling to say the least.

The Relationship Safety I had with Ole infused every aspect of my life. I had someone that I respected to ask his opinion of things. I had someone to stand beside me not so much to hold me up but to be stronger. I had someone that could calm me with a look. I had everything I needed and wanted wrapped up in this one person.

Maybe I was already thinking along these same lines earlier this week. I work with home care here in Denmark and I was talking with a lady the other day as I helped her put on her support stockings. I said I was having a difficult time deciding if I should buy new doors for my house or not. I am still not sure how long I can be here in Denmark because immigration has not settled my case. So it is wise to spend so much money on a house that I may have to sell?

As our conversation continued with these questions with no absolute answers, she said that this is one of those decisions that it really helps to have two to decide. I agreed whole heartedly.

Yes I can ask his family and friends. Yes I can talk to my family and friends. But when it comes down to the final decision it is only me. I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

Ole gave me so much strength and support I still feel so much like half a person without him. I thought my inner strength was building more than what I displayed at this party.

I always knew that Ole had my back and I had his. I always knew that he was there for me and with me through thick and thin. I always knew that if I could not see clearly, he would be able to show me a better way. I felt so safe with Ole.

And as I was analysing myself through all this I realised that this is another reason why our relationship was so amazing. The Relationship Safety we had with each other built such a solid foundation for us to grow as a couple and as individuals.

I think this is a topic worth exploring more next week. But in the mean time, think about how much Relationship Safety you have with your mate. What does it mean to you to have Relationship Safety in your relationship?

To be continued….

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

23rd August

TUT…Have You Seen This?

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

Have you seen this, TUT… A Note from the Universe? These are messages that are sent to your inbox everyday with messages from the Universe. Actually, Mike Dooley sends them to you. The Universe just writes them.

I want to share the one that popped up in my in-box today. Here it is:

Shaping, shifting, molding, making… what people do when they discover their imagination.

Spinning, curling, dipping, twirling… what people do when they discover their wings.

Beaming, marveling, basking, sparkling… what people do when they discover love.

Basking, Brenda –
The Universe

Does this message strike a cord in you too? It sure did me and that’s why I wanted to share it with you if you haven’t already signed up for these tidbits of Universal wisdom.

I began thinking that when I felt so sure, excited and positive about what was going on in my life, I was definitely spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling. When I was cutting hair and creating beautiful styles, I was totally shaping, shifting, molding, and making. Plus spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling.

And then, when I fell in love with Ole, I was more than beaming, marveling, basking, and sparkling. I WAS EVERYTHING! I FELT EVERYTHING! I WAS THE UNIVERSE!

Remember that new-in-love feeling? You sparkle from the inside out. Your skin glows. Your eyes twinkle. You bounce a little bit extra with each step you take. And your smile could not be more dazzling.

Do you still feel that way?

I know I do when I think of Ole. We had such adventures to say the least. We loved and made love. We created together. We talked and planned about our future, our business, our love for each other. And then suddenly there was no more. He was gone from my physical life. Poof!

It took a long time to be able to think about our love and feel all those marvelous feelings when I thought of him. It was so hard for so long after he died because the hurt I felt was emmense. I felt like the Universe had imploded and there was nothing left. I WAS that black hole scientists talk about. Empty!

But that wasn’t true. I STILL have all those amazing feelings inside of me. I just have to think of Ole and they over-take my mind, heart, body and soul in a flash flood of LOVE. And now, it feels good to remember.

I think sometimes after being together a few years we forget how wonderful it was to fall in love. Not because we don’t still love that special person that holds our heart in their hands but because life takes over. We get immersed in jobs, families, business, media and whatever else takes our attention on a daily basis.

We get so wrapped up in being busy, making a living and making a LIFE that sometimes we put our love feelings and our relationships into the background of our daily routine. We forget to say “I love you.” We forget how important it is to snuggle, cuddle, make love, laugh, flirt, and relax with the person that we willingly gave our hearts to.

Then we get angry and upset that things aren’t like they used to be.

The thing is, we have to put our relationships first. Yes, making a living and making a life are important but believe me, if you have no one to share all that with, you haven’t got much.

My relationship with Ole was the world to me. He was my priority. Our relationship was our priority. We worked at having the BEST relationship we could have with each other. YES, I said WORKED at having the best relationship.

Just because you are IN a relationship doesn’t mean that everything will just flow and come natural for you and your lover. But if you take the time to tease, talk and trip the light fantastic, you will surely begin to know what I mean.

HOMEWORK – Everyday for the next 2 weeks, the first thing you do when you wake up (even before you open your eyes) is remember how you felt when you first fell in love with that special person that snuggles into bed beside you. Even if you are not in a relationship at this present moment, remember that feeling from a love long lost.

You will notice that you smile more, are more tollerant of the small things, and people will be more receptive towards you. Not to mention the benefits you will have with your lover. And if you are not in a relationship, you may soon be, acting this way ūüėČ

Oh, and take the time to visit TUT. http://www.tut.com/theclub/ It’s a great place for a mini vacation.

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

11th August

Wasting Time

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

This past week I got to thinking about Wasting Time. I guess because I sit at my new computer a lot and do just that. I’m reading emails, looking at offers, watching clips, reading new blogs and signing up for the update, looking around the Net at what’s new and exciting. Before ya know it, 4 hours have passed and I have not accomplished a darn thing.

Just Wasting Time.

When I realised what I was doing I started to think back how Ole and I would waste time. I think it was mostly with our computer again. When we got the then-new computer, we each had one in our office to sit and play with. Lots of times we would slip some Metallica into the disc drive (the then-new computer had great speakers) and we would sit and play games.

Yeah in some ways this was Wasting Time but it was also just a time for both of us to take a break and not think about anything. We were spending time together but in a lot of people’s eyes, all we were doing was Wasting Time.

Knowing what I know now, I am happy for those game playing moments. We would listen to the music. We teased each other about silly things and relaxed. We enjoyed this. We enjoyed being together.

I think Ole was more aware of time and Wasting Time than I was. I never thought about it so much then. But he told me more often than I can count that time is our most precious commodity. Ole told me over and over that time lost can never be recovered. You can never get back time you have wasted. He would say we needed to be more aware of how we use our time.

I never knew that his minutes were so limited or maybe I would have been more enthusiastic to work on our projects, books and seminars. Maybe I would have used our time together to expand our relationship coaching so other people could experience the deepfelt love and connection that we shared. Maybe I would have just talked with him more. Maybe I would have asked him more questions about his younger days, his ideas, his thoughts about life.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so happy Wasting Time just sitting next to him. Hard to say for sure.

After I started focusing on this topic of Wasting Time, I asked myself, how many ways do we waste time in our life and in our relationships?

It is pretty easy to sit in front of the TV and flick the remote buttons for hours and never really find anything to watch. That is why I have just cut off my cable. Waste of time for me. Most days, if I have the TV on, it is just for background noise. I think I will start playing music instead.

I have been reading different articles about couples using shopping as an activity they do together, to spend time together. Not only is that a Waste of Time but possibly very draining on the bank account.

It is very hard to connect at the level that is needed to foster and grow a love relationship while you are walking around in the midst of hundreds of strangers looking at all this junk you really don’t need. And possibly getting into an argument over it. Neither of these activities helps grow a deeper connection in your relatiionship.

There are many activities we do to Waste Time. But how do you Waste Time in your relationship? Do you stay angry for a long time? Do you hold that anger inside you until the next argument? Do you hold grudges (first hand experience with this – HUGE WASTE of TIME. Totally not worth it or the consequences of it. I was the queen of holding grudges. Let this Time Waster go today)?

Each one of us only gets so many days in this life. No one knows how long that is but we all know that our time on earth is limited in this physical body.

Take a moment and look at your daily routine. Find out where you are Wasting Time and what you are willing to do about it.

As for just sitting with Ole and playing the computer games, was it Wasting Time? Yup! But I would give everything I have to be able to sit and Waste Time with him right now.

In my eyes, we were spending quality time together. A quiet moment listening to music and feeling the love flowing between us. That is NEVER a Waste of Time.

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

6th August

Something New

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

I am so happy to say that I am back. I have something new…A NEW COMPUTER. It is wonderful to say the least. I guess 10 years is a long time to not upgrade to a new computer. I, like most other people, just get used to doing what I always do. Then one day, we are forced to try Something New.

Isn’t that the truth? We get into certain habits that just turn into our daily routines. We drive the same way to work or to the usual grocery stores. We tend to make the same culinary delights that we have learned and used for years. Yeah, sure we shake things up once in a while but I think for the most part, people are creatures of habit.

That goes for our romantic lives as well. We tend to stick to what we know, what works, and what we get used to. This includes how we romance our lovers and how we make love.

Sometimes we forget how exciting it is to try Something New in our lives. We get used to the same old stuff and it’s good enough. Life gets busy and we get a little more tired with jobs, kids, and all the rest that becomes our daily routines. Then we forget to look for the Something New to explore with.

Let me tell you, when you start bringing Something New, Something Exciting into your bedroom, you find a new energy in the rest of your life.

That was a great thing about Ole and I…we always looked for new ways to excite each other. We looked for new places to make love. We looked for new ideas to surprise the other with romance, intimacy and sex. We didn’t restrict this wanting to surprise the other just in the bedroom. This was our life in the kitchen, on road trips, and everything else.

I have a funny story to tell you. You will really think we lost our marbles but it was a lot of fun.

I came to Denmark to stay for a bit to see where things were going to go with Ole and I. I could stay for 3 months then I would have to leave the country again or apply to stay longer. We learned quickly that we fit together so well.

Ole had such ideas about life that I have never encountered in anyone else. He was very creative in so many areas. He didn’t see life like other people did. I guess that is why I fell in love with him.

One day Ole came into the bedroom with a sander, an electric sander…without the sandpaper of course. I looked at him and didn’t know what to expect. I voiced my reservations about this but he said just try it. Okay!

He had me lay down on the bed on my stomach then he started sanding my back, bumb, legs and arms with this machine. WOW! WOW! WOW! It had a lot of power in it, more than a regular viberator for sure. I was totally amazed how WONDERFUL it felt. And how arousing this strong vibrating sensation was.

That was not the last time we used the sander (without sandpaper) in our love making. And that was not the last time he came up with a winning idea.

I know it is so easy to get caught up in our everyday lives where we feel over worked and over whelmed that we just don’t feel we have the energy to try Something New. Little do we realise that when we bring Something New into our lives that it also brings with it a spark of electricy. It gives new life to our relationships. It infuses us with new energy.

I am putting a challenge out to you. Try Something New in your love making. Try Something New in preparing your daily meals. Try Something New in your life this week.

I know this new computer has me all fired up. I have so many ideas for blog posts. I am so excited to share these ideas and events in our life with you. I can hardly contain myself.

So what will your Something New be to tantalise your lover?

Go for the gusto! Try Something New!

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

28th July

Putting Your Best YOU Forward

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

Do you remember when you were in the begining of your relationship? Do you remember how important it was to put your Best YOU forward? How important it was to attract that special someone into all areas of your life?

What about now after 3 years into the relationship? Or 10 years? Or 30 years? Do you still put your Best YOU forward?

When we find a special person that we would like to draw into our lives we go out of our way to be more attractive. We wear the pretty clothes…and this goes for both men and women. We make sure our hair sits just right and looks soft and touchable. We take extra special time with our apprearance. We may even start exercising or add extra workouts to our fitness plan.

But it doesn’t stop there. When we are doing our best to be attractive we make allowances in several areas. For instance, you may not really enjoy Monster Trucks but that new man in your life would love to share his enthusiasm for them with you. So of course you tag along and smile, laugh, scream and get involved in the show. Am I right?

Or perhaps, you are not so thrilled about shopping but your new lovely lady wants to get your opinion on a dress. She has several in mind if you would just come and have a look with her. You have sat on many ‘Man Chairs’ (that’s what I call the chairs some clothing stores have outside the fitting rooms), looked at too many dresses to count, and all you can think of is how beautiful she looked in each of them.

Let’s fast forward 3 years…in both of these scenerios the outcome will possibly be very different.

“Monster Trucks! Are you crazy? Why don’t you call Steve and I will stay home and read?”

“Shopping! Not again. You try on so many dresses and they all look the same. I have a lot of things to do around here ya know. Can’t you just go by yourself?”

I may be exagreating this a little but I wanted you to understand my point. When we are trying to attract that new love into our lives, we will bend over backwards to be more attractive and accommodating. This means taking extra time for our physical appreance and making time to spend with each other even if it is a less than desirable event.

Ole and I did the same. I had a much smaller waist when I was enticing him into my lair than I did when he died. I was much more aware of how my makeup was done or what clothes I put on than after we were married a few years.

We always liked to be together and most of the time it didn’t matter where we went. So that part didn’t change much. But there were times I was not interested for sure.

Like Monster Trucks…they got old real fast after we were married.

Ole put his foot down too. He was not interested in going out looking around in the stores. Ole was not a shopper.

As I read a blurb on Facebook that prompted this rant today, I started to think about Ole and me. Some days I would pull my hair up and no makeup, old frumpy clothes…not a pretty sight in my eyes but still did it. Why? Because I got lazy.

Why do we take so much time to put our Best Selves forward in the attracting stage of a relationship but then forget it after? Why is it not so important to do things together later in our relationship?

The fact is, IT IS IMPORTANT! I am not sure what happens in the human mind that lets us believe we have hooked the big fish and now we can relax. Maybe it does come down to just being lazy. I can’t say for sure.

But I do know that when you don’t put your Best YOU forward, it affects everything from your own self esteme to your relationship with your lover.

Go back a couple paragraphs where I wrote about getting lazy and I didn’t think I looked good…do you think I projected that thought out in our relationship? YOU BET I DID! Do you think I felt like Ole was attraced to me on those days I looked lke that? NOT A CHANCE!

Feeling and being attractive comes from the inside of you. It is not how you look on the outside or how you hair sits or what clothes you wear. It comes from the smile that you flash at your lover that says ‘Honey, I’m hot and you know it!’ while you are painting the fence in your old baggy clothes and your hair is streaked with sweat and paint. But not many people are lucky enough to know that about themselves.

So what do you do?

Don’t allow yourself to get lazy. Pretend each day that this is just the beginning of your relationship. Remember the little things you did to attract that wonderful person into your life and start doing those things again. Talk about heating up the kitchen! You will find a renewed spark in yourself, your lover and your relationship.



Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

25th July

Everything Is Going WRONG!

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG! Everything is falling apart! I must say I am forever grateful that I was able to get on my computer today to write this. Thank you to the computer gods for shining on me today. I have not been lazy. But my computer has a mind of his own this past month or so.

This is my life this past month…I have been having pc troubles like you can not imagine. If I can open the computer at all, I am never sure how long it will be before the blue screen of computing death pops up.

My computer is 10 years old and is having trouble computing. I have known that eventually I will need a new one but hoped it would be a day ‘down the road’. I am now standing on that part of the road.

And my car is really showing his age too. My car is Buddy. That is why I will refer to it as ‘him’. I have an 1987 Volvo station car. I love him. I feel like I am driving a real car when I sit in him. He is heavy, hugs the road and rolls along so smooth and wonderful.

But he is also wanting to retire. It is me that is not willing to part with him. I now have two back doors that will not open unless I crawl in the car to open them. I know I will have to let him go soon.

Also, I need 2 new doors for my house plus other work. These are very high ticket items for me because I tell ya, living in Denmark is not cheap. The list goes on but you get the idea. It wouldn’t be so bad maybe if it didn’t all seem to come at once.

Ole and I were always lucky that when one of us was feeling like the world was falling apart, the other was able to see and think more clear. The one of us that was on top of the wave was able to help pull the other back up. Then the waters would be calm again untill the next storm.

What about you? When troubles hit in your house do you and your partner both fall into them or are you able to lean on each other to support the one that is less sturdy?

It is important in a relationship to have the support from your lover. And this goes for everything in life. Whether it is a problem or a celebration. Knowing that you have that special someone there to share EVERYTHING with makes life better.

Knowing that if you think the sun has stopped shining on your life that there is that person that stands beside you to help you see that it is only a little cloud coverage. And maybe sometimes it is a full blown hurricane but there is that strong arm around you that is supporting your weight so that you can continue to walk forward.

Read that again…I said SUPPORTING you, not holding you up. We all need to walk on our own. We all need to get through our cloudy days or stormy weather. Having the support and encouragement of your partner gives you another perspective of the situation and the energy to keep moving on.

There are so many things I would love to hear what Ole would say about them. I have little conversations in my head with him and imagine what his answers would be. It helps. It is not ideal but it gets me up and going. It helps to get me to keep moving forward.

Be the Support Beam Team with each other in your house of love. When there is one hand reaching out to help lift up the other that has momentarily fallen, it makes it SO MUCH EASIER to stand again. Then you can stand strong together, arm in arm, and yell….


In love and honour, in joy and disappointment, in sickness and in health, by standing strong with your arms around each other, knowing you are creating a stronger Support Beam Team, you can achieve great things in your life together and over come any dissapointments and sorrows.

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

20th July


by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

I am so happy to be back. I feel like I have been so disconnected. I don’t ever want that to happen again.

I had some troubles posting a new post here…I couldn’t. Luckily I had some great advice from a couple people and nothing can stop me now.

When I started thinking about this post I thought this is a great thing to talk about for couples…feeling disconnected. I think it happens at some point in time to many couples. The trick is, what do you do to get that connection with your lover back?

Being disconnected can happen at any time and for many reasons. I know in our second year I went through a period of feeling very un-sexy. I felt like I was not pretty or feminine. I felt out of sorts with myself which in turn reflected on my relationship with Ole.

He was becoming more frustrated because he tried every way he could to convince me that I WAS sexy, beautiful, feminine and that he desired and loved me. He tried so hard to make me feel and see what he did.

It wasn’t easy. Just because Ole felt I was desirable and pretty didn’t help the way I felt about myself. And that was where the real problem was.

I had to find that part of ME again. That part of ME that felt flirty and sexy. That part of ME when I looked in the mirror and thought I LOOKED GOOD!

This affected both of us for a few months. It was a challenge for me to find my way back. And it was a challenge for Ole because he always only wanted the best for me.

But I was able to get my groove back. The way I did it was I took time for me. I pampered myself with bubbles and body rubs…provided by Ole of course. I took time to read for fun not just to learn something. I took time to have meaningful conversations with the Brenda inside.

The conversations I had were about what I wanted from my marriage. What I wanted to give to my marriage. What I wanted to preserve or grow inside of ME that was separate from my relationship with Ole but that would build a stronger connection WITH him.

Also, I had allowed myself to slip into a Lazy Me. I was not wearing pretty, feminine clothes. Mostly because we spent a lot of time at home together. Why dress up? Lazy Me!

I had allowed myself to not put on makeup. Now for some women that is not important but makeup has always been a part of my sexy, pretty self. Lazy Me!

Plus, I got really wrapped up in what Ole wanted. I forgot about what I wanted and enjoyed. Ole would get really nervous when we would go out shopping. He thought that meant spending money and possibly a lot of money. Spending ANY money (that we didn’t have) was very stressful for him.

But shopping to me meant just going out and having a look in the shops. Maybe try on some new clothes. That didn’t mean I was going to buy them.

So to keep the peace and not have him get upset, I chose to stay home or do something else that did not include ‘shopping’. I lost another chunk of myself.

After my soul searching it was easier to find out what I needed to be me, the ME that Ole fell in love with, the ME that I loved. Then I moved forward and began to set the missing pieces of my inner puzzle together again. Which in turn made the connection between Ole and I stronger because I was stronger inside of ME.

I challenge you to find your missing pieces if there are any, and place them back into your puzzle. Rebuild that Amazing You into a new and improved design of yourself.

Rebuild that loving connection with YOUR INNER YOU and in-turn that loving connection with that special someone in your life will also become stronger.

I love being back and CONNECTING with YOU.

xoxoxoxoxo HUGS FOR EVERYONE xoxoxoxox

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

24th June

I Am Not Ignoring You

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   1 Comment »

I really want to apologise. I have been having some real computer troubles and just want you to know that I Am Not Ignoring You.

I appreciate that you take the time to read my posts and for all your wonderful comments. I am doing all that I can to get this blog up to speed so you can subscribe by email.

As I started to write this I got to thinking about how often this same thing happened with Ole and I. You know, one person gets caught up in an idea, person or life experience and the other half of the happy couple feels a little left out.

I know I have felt that way with Ole sometimes when he would be focused on a project. I would feel a little left out and ignored. Understand now that this is NOT jealousy. I was not jealous of the other person or project Ole was spending time with. But sometimes I was just feeling a little left out of the in-crowd.

Then there were times when I would get into reading a really good book. Poor Ole would be eating breakfast in silence and I was flipping pages. I would read when I came home from work. I can tell you, he was very happy when my book was finished.

As we grew in our marriage, we both found better ways to channel our feelings. Plus, I realised that Ole did not do this intentionally to hurt me. I knew, with all my heart, that Ole would NEVER do something so childish just to be mean. He was the MOST kind and gentle man I have EVER known. And I would not have hurt him for the world either.

But there are times in every persons life that something will take precedence over everything else. I am not saying this is good or bad but just that it happens.

And sometimes when the left-out partner gets a little testy, the fur can fly. Which does not help the situation.

So just be aware of your own actions. If you get deep into a project and your lover brings it up that they are feeling a little lonely, take them in your arms and let them know how important they really are to you.

I hope you can feel the hugs I am giving you right now because you are important to me. I want to help as many people have the most amazing relationship like Ole and I had.

I am not ignoring you. I am just working to make our relationship and time that we spend together the best it can be.

I hope you will do the same for the relationships that are important to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

© 2010-2017 Passionate Results for Lovers All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

12th June


by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

People get really nervous at the thought of changes in their lives. Who would I be if I changed this and that about myself? How would other people react to me after I change? What else will change in my life if I …? Why should I change? If the other person¬†would only change then things would be much better.

We heard this in our seminars and many times when I was a hairdresser. I had clients tell me that their future husband will change. They know their man won’t drink so much, hit them anymore, stop screwing around with other people after the wedding. They know their future wife will get better handling money, quite being so angry, treat them better after they are married.

What a load of hogwash. Just because a person gets married does not mean they¬†WILL change. Marriage does not wash a couple in magic dust and proclaim, “Now you are husband and wife. You will drop all your bad, annoying, nasty, unfaithful habits and live happily-ever-after.”

I told my clients straight out that there was no way this person was going to become their ideal mate just because you will have the big white wedding. If nothing else, the habits will show up more.

Ole and I always taught the people at our seminars that if¬†the love in your relationship hurts, maybe you are not in the right relationship.¬†We didn’t mean these people should split up but they did have a choice.

As a couple, they could choose to work on the dark side of themselves and become a more loving partner to each other or they could talk about the consequences of staying the same as they are now.

Of course there were things both Ole and I wanted the other to change when we got married. Some things were small and some things not so small. For instance, I hate when¬†someone chews with their mouth open. Drives me crazy. And Ole would do that. He was loving enough¬†and could see this could turn into a REAL issue if he continued, so he quit. Thank heavens ūüôā

It drove him crazy I could not focus on one topic for very long. When we would be working on something, I would think of something else and jump up to go do it. It could have been the laundry, make a cake, call a friend. He would get so upset with me that I would not just do the work at hand.

I made a concentrated effort to focus myself on whatever project we were working on at the moment. Even if that meant we agreed to a specific amount of time we would work,  I was committed to the project and him. I was willing to change to have a better life with Ole.

I have seen some of these silly reality shows where they do some big transformation of a person and take them from a street urchin to a princess. What I always found strange was that there were so many that said “I am not changing for anyone. If they don’t like me, too bad for them.” Why did they come on this show then if they didn’t want to change?

When it comes to bettering yourself and especially a change that could make your relationship more peaceful and loving, why wouldn’t you change?

Change has a bad reputation. People are afraid of change because they don’t know what will happen next. But what if the changes bring more love, peace and joy in your relationship. Wasn’t it worth it?

I was reading my journal from when we were first married. I laughed at the silly little things we did and thought about how much we both had changed in our 9 years together. We always looked for ways to grow personally and together as a couple. 

Embrace the changes in yourself. There is a certain excitement that comes with those changes. Be the best you can be! As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

And remember, this is VERY important, You Only Have the Power To Change Yourself and No One Else.

Go for it!


Passionate regards….Brenda

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6th June

“What If Up” Your Relatonships

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   No Comments »

I have found the most wonderful website. Mindy Maudlin has created a place called¬†the¬†“What If Up Club”. She talks about playing the “What If” game but instead of thinking the worst, she asks you to think about what is the BEST you could imagine. This is “What If Upping”.

It is a wonderful game. I have played it for most my life. Sitting around with friends or family and asking, “What If?” Ole and I would play it when we would drive some place.

  • What If money weren’t an issue, what kind of car would you buy and why?
  • What If you could live any place in the world, where would it be and why?
  • What If you could have any job in the world, what would you do and why?
  • What If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?
  • What If you could make love any place in the world, where would it be and why?

I mean, the list of ‘What If’ questions is a mile long¬†and the conversations that would spring from one question was always a mind opener because we both saw and imagined something different.

We would talk, laugh and explore one fantasy after another. We played it a lot. Sometimes we would be snuggling on the couch and start the game of ‘what if’. Time would fly and we were having fun.

You might be thinking how cute, or how silly, but it is a useful tool. People in business play this game all the time. They try and look at different possibilities or solutions to different problems, products, and advertising. From the amount of consumerism, I would say it works wonders for them.

But I got to thinking, you can definitely use this in your relationship too:

  • What if you could have the best possible relationship ever? What would it look like to you…to your partner?
  • What if you and your partner could talk about everything openly and honestly without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
  • What if you both could talk about what you want from your relationship and each other?
  • What if you could share ALL your hopes, dreams and fears without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
  • What if you could ask for emotional, physical and spiritual support from your partner?
  • What if you could sit together and imagine your best relationship ever?

These are just a FEW of the ways you could play the “What If Up” game in your relationship. When you start playing, you will be able to come up with so many more topics of interest to explore and imagine together to make your Best Relationship Ever¬†come true.

Just playing this game is a first step in that direction. You are opening up your creative minds and exploring other possibilities on many, many topics. As well, you are communicating your wants and needs emotionally, physically and spiritually.

This opens a whole new door in your relationship. You learn to playfully talk with each other about your deepest desires, feelings and needs without pressure on either of you. You get to communicate with your lover on a whole different level.

You get to learn about each other in a different way.

Not only is this fun but you will hear things about your lover that he may not have talked about before. Because this is a game, there is no pressure to say the right thing and there are no expectations. There is no fear that you will say something that will disappoint your sweetheart. It is just a game.

Be adventurous and play the “What If Up” game with your lover. This is for fun. This is to come closer together. This is to connect to each other with out expectations or fear.

So…What If you could have the BEST RELATIONSHIP EVER? What would it look like?

Passionate regards….Brenda

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