5th May

I Thought I Lost You

by Brenda Poulsen | Posted in Passionate Results   2 Comments »

I have had such a scare. I thought that I had lost my blog. There was some updates with my web host and I could not find my blog. I thought all was lost…all my posts…I was so upset, sad and didn’t know where to start.

I know it has been a few months getting back to my writing but I will save that story for another day. I thought being that I felt I had lost everything here, I would post an article I wrote about grief and the grieving journey.

After all, we are all one day, going to experience that crushing pain of grief when a person close to you moves from this earth plane to the spiritual. This way, you are a little more prepared. So here is it.

3 Things You Should Never Do While Grieving

And 1 Thing You Must Always Remember

January 15, 2006…sitting in a foreign country, my husband’s home land, in a hospital, at the bedside of the love of my life and watching him die. Ole was my life, my everything. Everyone said we had such a special relationship. I thought everyone that loved their husband or wife lived like this but family, friends, people that we would just meet all said what we had was special. And it was.

So to sit and watch this loving, amazing, smart, funny, handsome, sexy man I called my husband die in front of my eyes, totally destroyed everything I thought I believed in, ever thought about and my desire to live.

But sitting here now, 5 years later, I can impart some of what I learned on my journey of Grief. I capitalize that word because it is so heavy to carry and even heavier to live with.

There are three important points you should try to remember while experiencing this deep pain and loss as you travel this lonely road called Grief.

  1. NEVER, I will repeat, NEVER apologize for how you feel or the tears that fall and scorch your face. You are entitled and have that right to show how deeply you hurt and how crushed your heart is at this moment. I have always felt that if I was to apologize for crying or sobbing or being angry over Ole’s death, that I was apologizing for showing how deeply I loved him and what a void there is in my heart and life now. I will NEVER apologize for feeling and loving my husband.
  2. Don’t Give ANYTHING Away…at least not yet. When Ole died, I just wanted to clear out so much from our house. Books, things, stuff, his stuff, important stuff, meaningless stuff, my stuff…and more. I regret that now. At the time I was so dead myself that I could not see any reason why I would ever want or need this stuff again. So I gave away a lot of stuff that I wish I would have just packed up and put out of sight if it bothered me so much to see it. There have been so many times I wanted to look up a reference in a book or look for a tool or whatever and it was gone. Take a day, ask for help if need be, and pack all this STUFF away. Don’t give it away, just put it out of sight because a couple years down the road, you will be looking for it. I have heard this from many people who lost their partner.
  3. Finding Your New Normal Takes Work. You have to understand that you will not just wake up in one year, two years or however long it is after crying everyday and sometimes several times in the day feeling that pain in your chest and the emptiness in your life and say, “Well, I feel better now. I am so glad I got through that!” Doesn’t happen that way. But there will come a day when a small voice inside your head says, “I need to find a better way to live. I need to create a happier life now. I want to smile and laugh and live again.” That day will be the first day of you starting to create your new normal. Rejoice! But know that it takes work, conscious thought and desire to live a happy life again. You can and will do it!

This important…the One Thing to Remember is that my experience is only mine. And that your experiences are yours. I can never feel what you are feeling but I can be empathetic and maybe even supportive in some way. Just think about what I have said. One day you may think back and say, “I understand now.”

 May your journey to your new normal be swift.

Passionate regards….Brenda

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2 Responses to “I Thought I Lost You”

  1. Sandy Says:

    Wow Brenda, thank you so much for sharing. I am so very glad that I have ‘met’ you. Your article really hit home for me.

    Love, Sandy

  2. Brenda Poulsen Says:

    Thanks for taking the time to comment Sandy. If you need anything, let me know. Meetings are never by chance.

    A million hugs to you…love Brenda

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