Beliefs and the Games People Play
by | Posted in Passionate Results 35 Comments »I have had so many comments to the post Games People Play. Thanks for taking the time to read my posts and comment on them. I am so happy that our marriage, love and ideas are helping other people find the love of their dreams.
What worries me is that there must be many people playing stupid games with their lovers. Why? What does this accomplish?
Are we really programmed to look for the negative in our lives? Do we believe someplace under our surface thoughts that our loving relationship will never last? That all good things must come to an end? Then we do something to screw it up to make sure we were right in believing that?
And of course, the destruction of our relationship is not due to any actions on our part. It is ALWAYS someone’s fault other than our own that our love life fell apart (my heart is hurting just writing this).
Why can’t we look for the good in what we have? Ole and I held a couples seminar and one woman told us that she gets suspicious of her husband when he brings flowers home. She wonders if he has been out with another woman, something to hide, or make up for. YIKES!
I think it’s sad that her first thought wasn’t, “How sweet! You are so loving and kind to think of me.” Nope! Jump to the negative first. What a shame and possibly a waste of precious time because this will surely end up in a ‘discussion’.
We can retrain ourselves though. That is a fact. We can begin to focus on the good in our lives and our relationships. This is especially true for times when your mind wants to take you on the slanted slopes of mental slavery into the negative.
Ole and I had a book beside the bed. Every night we would write in 3 to 5 things we were grateful for about each other. I was and still am always grateful for his love. We retrained our thinking patterns to look for the positive in our lives.
Eventually we found that we would only use it if we had been arguing because when you are upset and angry it is absolutely important to acknowledge the things you love about your partner. It is imperative to know that you can be angry with each other but still love one another.
And when your mind wants to jump on the ski hill to negative slavery, STOP! Stop the thought immediately. Don’t even go there because then you start slipping and before you know it you are at the bottom of the hill and angry. About what? Your own assumptions, beliefs and ideas about what is going on. These dangerous thoughts do not help in the truth of the situation.
If you start looking for all the nasty things, you will not have the vision to see and experience all the wonderful, loving adventures in your relationship. OK…Do this RIGHT NOW! Look around your room and count all the things that are red. You have 10 seconds. Hurry! LOOK NOW!
How many things did you see that were green? When all you want to see and focus on are the red things, your mind can not pick up on the green that is surely right in front of you.
It is the same in our relationships. Look for the love. Feel the love. Take a pleasure cruise on the Love Boat your whole life and leave behind the slippery slopes of mental slavery into the negative ( I’m just having a little fun with the imagery 
).
Look for the good things in your life and relationship. With every day that passes, comes new and wonderful adventures in our lives. Even in the midst of heavy and sad times there is always something good.
I don’t have my husband here with me now but I can sure remember the love and good times we had. That brings me a lot of happiness knowing that we had such an incredible relationship that others always noticed and commented on.
And I still have my girls…2 dogs and a cat. They make me smile every day.
Look for the good in your life. We have so much to be thankful for.
Passionate regards….Brenda
Tags: adventures, anger, assupmtions, beliefs, focus, games people play, love, mental slavery, negative thoughts, positive thoughts, thankful, thinking patterns
February 5th, 2010 at 6:04 am
Thanks for sharing this helpful info!
February 7th, 2010 at 7:41 am
If there is anything you would like to see more of or have questions about, I would be more than happy to try and help. Let me know at info@passionateresultsforlovers.com
February 25th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
hah a couple of of the reviews folks distribute make me laugh, now and again i question if they truly read the content material and content before leaving a comment or if perhaps they just simply look at the title of the article and jot down the initial thought that comes to mind. in any event, it really is nice to browse through keen commentary once in a while compared to the exact same, classic post vomit that i constantly see on the web
February 25th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
I appreciate your comment about my blog. I write about what Ole and I had in our marriage. I can’t write about what I don’t know. I hope you will stop for a laugh more often.
March 20th, 2010 at 8:32 pm
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March 22nd, 2010 at 5:33 am
Good read … headline catchy … good points, some of which I have learned along the way as well (humility, grace, layoff the controversial stuff). Will share with my colleagues at work as we begin blogging from a corporate perspective. Thanks!
March 22nd, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Thanks for both your kind words and for passing my blog on to your colleagues. I am very happy you took the time to read and respond.
March 22nd, 2010 at 6:42 pm
It is always exciting to hear such wonderful things about what I am doing here. Thanks for letting me know. Sorry, but I am not good at poker and you would probably kick my butt
April 7th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
That was interesting . I love your quality that you put into your post . Please do move forward with more like this.
April 12th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
Thank you. I write what we lived. Is there anything in particular you would like to see? Let me know.
April 26th, 2010 at 3:16 am
With all the doggone weather we have gotten as of late I am stuck indoors, fortunately there is the internet, thanks for giving me something to do.
April 28th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
I really liked that post.I will be reading a lot more of this blog.But I am a little confused, and have a tiny question. Can I send you an email?
April 28th, 2010 at 10:15 pm
Sure you can. Send your question to info@passionateresultsforlovers.com
May 12th, 2010 at 9:57 am
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May 14th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
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May 21st, 2010 at 2:56 pm
Nice post…Thank you for sharing some good things.
May 27th, 2010 at 8:30 am
Great read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little investigation on that. And he in fact bought me lunch because I found it for him…. smile.. So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!But yeah Many thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.
May 28th, 2010 at 2:57 am
You made good points made that I hadn’t thought of
May 31st, 2010 at 10:34 am
I guess that is the beauty of not everyone thinking alike. We all have something of value to share. Thank you for taking time here.
May 31st, 2010 at 10:37 am
Tyson, you comment made my day. Keep checking back for new posts. Happy to have helped with the free lunch too
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:54 am
Good points…I would note that as someone who really doesn’t comment to blogs much (in fact, this may be my first post), I don’t think the term “lurker” is very becoming to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault really , but perhaps the blogosphere could come up with a better, non-creepy name for the 90% of us that enjoy reading the content .
June 5th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to comment. Good luck finding a new name for your lurking habits
June 9th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
I love this blog. Its great. Keep it up man.
June 13th, 2010 at 3:36 am
Thats some quality basics there, already knew some of that, but you can always learn . I doubt a “kid” could put together such information as dolphin278 suggested. Maybe he’s just trying to be “controversial? lol
June 13th, 2010 at 9:08 am
Sometimes we need to hear the same thing we have heard before but from another perspective or different lips to get the message. Thanks for stopping by and making your make here
June 16th, 2010 at 4:58 am
Good points…I would note that as someone who really doesn’t write on blogs much (in fact, this may be my first post), I don’t think the term “lurker” is very becoming to a non-posting reader. It’s not your fault in the least , but perhaps the blogosphere could come up with a better, non-creepy name for the 90% of us that enjoy just reading the content .
June 16th, 2010 at 6:22 am
Great post! STICK WITH IT!
June 16th, 2010 at 6:55 am
cheerful post, good work.
June 16th, 2010 at 9:36 am
Your comment is so encouraging. Thanks
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July 6th, 2010 at 10:04 am
I am working on expanding this line of thought. I will put up a when it’s ready. Thanks.
July 6th, 2010 at 10:08 am
Elvin…I am very grateful that your friend told you about my blog. And that you decided to see for yourself. Thanks to you both.