Archive for October, 2010

22nd October

Just For Fun…

I thought I would throw something your way Just For Fun this week.

I was looking at the world-wide web and came across two interesting little articles. The premise of the articles was that by puckering up and kissing a piece of paper with freshly applied lipsticked lips, you can read more into your personality. I was curious to say the least. I love to learn more about myself and even more so have a little fun doing this.

So I ran to my bathroom and took my darkest (so I could see it clearly on the paper) lipstick. I carefully applied it to my lush, full lips. Raced back to my office, puckered up and kissed a piece of white A4 paper. Now they recommend that you smooch with stock paper, something with a little stiffness to it but I didn’t have any. Printer paper would have to do.

I proceeded to search the imprints in the article to learn more about me. I had both a full upper and lower lip plus dark saturation. What does this mean? First I must tell you that I think the test was pretty accurate for me. So let me share what my findings produced.

Full Upper Lip:

  • wonderful listener
  • shoulder to cry on
  • good at helping people solve their problems

Full Lower Lip:

  • children and pets adore this person
  • could be a writer, speaker or entertainer of some kind

Dark Saturation:

  • cheerleader
  • lots of energy (other people are aware of it too)
  • once they decide what they want, no reason they won’t succeed
  • excellent leadership qualities
  • good at getting others to buy into their ideas
  • usually own their own business or at least have others working for them

Yeah I can see myself in some of these and I know what I want and have things to work on to get there. Do I want people to ‘buy’ into my ideas? I don’t think I would put it that way. I would like people to see the value in what I have to say and adopt the ideas into their own life.

Do I have excellent leadership qualities? I would say not at this point because I get frustrated when I ask someone to do something for me and it is not done the way I want it. I can feel my heart pump a little faster and the flush come to my cheeks. Then think I should just do it myself. So this, which I knew before hand, is a quality I have to work on.

There was also a link for the men. But being that I don’t have Ole here with me I had to turn to his brother, Gert. I asked him, for science sake, if he would try this test and let me know how accurate it was for a man. The results were not so good.

First, Gert WOULD NOT have lipstick put on him so he opted to use Nutella. I can’t keep a straight face just writing this. I would have loved to have been in their kitchen for this. But Nutella was not the best choice for accuracy. It smudged a little bit too much to be able to define good results.

But I did receive a nice email after thanking me for encouraging him to be embarrassed in front of his girlfriend. LOL! But I give him credit for at least entertaining the idea. Thanks Gert.

Ole would have done it I am sure. He was not above having a little fun with silly stuff. Even as much as he hated lipstick (he hated kissing me when I had lipstick on, lol), I think he would have given it a shot. Maybe it was that part of me that helps people to ‘buy into my ideas’?

When we had our salon in Okotoks, Alberta, we brought in a new product that would stain your hair wild and funky colors. This was many years ago when this was a new and exciting phenomenon. Ole said he would put a piece of purple into his hair for fun. So there was this 6’7″ man with a beautiful red beard, golden hair and a flash of purple above his forehead. He said he wouldn’t have it forever but it was just for fun. He had that fash of color till his next haircut a month later.

What about you and your lover? When was the last time you did something just to be silly, laugh with wild abandonment and feel good? Having fun with each other is so important to build the intimacy between you. Being able to laugh at the silliness of the moment not in judgement or in ridicule but just in enjoying sharing a fun silly moment together that lets both of your defenses down and shows a little vulnerability.

Ole and I shared MANY of these moments. Neither of us was afraid to show that vulnerable part to the other. And I can see neither was his brother afraid.

Love, Laugh, Live…..need I say more?

Passionate results….Brenda

Here are the links for the tests. I would LOVE to hear your results. Email me at or come back and leave a comment here. Enjoy!

For the Ladies 

For the Men

14th October

Love Helps Ease Pain

I just read a fascinating article that stated Love Helps Ease Pain. How cool is that! Professor Arthur Aron of the State University of New York at Stony Brook, who studies the neurology of love,  has linked that euphoric phase of a fresh romance to brain regions rich in the chemical dopamine.

What is dopamine and how does it work in the body? Think about the little lift you get when you eat chocolate. That is what dopamine does for you. It comes from the reward pathway in your brain, that feel-good place when you do certain activities or actions. It is the same place in your brain that addictive drugs go to, like cocaine for example, to produce those feel good feelings.

“When people are in love, in many ways it’s not dissimilar to what they get when they take amphetamines or stimulants: They’re very excited, have loss of appetite, sleep loss, they’re active, full of energy,” noted Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse and a dopamine expert.

In Aron’s study, they used different ways to creat a moderate pain in their test subjects and found that if they were looking at a photo of their beloved while the pain stimulus was applied, there was less pain.

This is powerful stuff! So many sages of the ages have advocated that all we need is love. Maybe that is turning out to be truer than we know.

Think about the healing power of a mother’s kiss. When a small child bumps themself and runs crying to Mommy, all she has to do is apply a little tender loving care, a kiss on the boo-boo and perhaps a band-aid. The healing has begun!

I know there have been times when I have hurt myself like cut my finger really deep or knocked my head hard on a shelf. Then the tears started and all I wanted was to see Ole. This was before he died too but I still do that now. I just wanted to see him and feel his arms around me telling me I am okay. Giving me that healing dose of love.

I know I have been in situations with another person and they are hurt. Pain from a physical injury or a severe injury to their heart. I would sit with them and think, “Ole should be here. He would be good to help here.” And by just thinking about my sweetheart, I could keep myself calmer and more collected.

I get easily wrapped up in other people’s pain. At least I used to. I have learned to distance myself because I am no good to them if I sit here crying for them. But I think it is funny that even though it wasn’t MY pain, I was still looking to Ole to help ease the situation.

Love is VERY powerful. More so than we mere mortals will EVER know. Funny but I just thought of that movie Monsters Inc. The monsters were harnessing the power of the fear driven screams for the electricity in their world. But then they found out that the giggles, laughter and love produced a much more POWERFUL energy.

Try this little experiment this week. When someone upsets you or makes you angry(hence pain), why not think about someone you love instead of letting your words spill uncontrolled out of your mouth without your head engaged. Kick start your heart first by feeling the love this special someone gives you. Then, to the person that has just upset you, send a stream of love from your heart to them. See if that doesn’t help to calm the situation down some.

We will never fully understand the power of love but we can sure use it to help us, our neighbors and the world.

The last thing that was mentioned in this article was that in this study, they also found out that when the new love phase turns into commitment, this response comes from a different place in your brain. Aron said that by trying something new and exciting with your longterm partner will stimulate that passion again, “a good idea whether you’re in pain or not.”

Here’s to Passionate Loving!

Passionate regards….Brenda

6th October

Flirting Is Healthy

Did you know that Flirting Is Healthy for you? I have known that for a long time but I get so uncomfortable flirting after Ole died. I mean that is almost 5 years I have held my flirtatious ways in check. I loved flirting.

I was just reading an article on MSN Dating and Personals about what flirting does for your physical health. It stated there that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts which gives your health and immune system a boost.

Now I know why I keep getting all these nasty bugs and flus here in Denmark. I don’t flirt with anyone! I kid you not…I have never been more sick with flus, colds, physical aches and pains in my life.

Ole and I got the occassional bug but not every little thing that came around. But we also loved to flirt with each other. I miss seeing him walking to the shower with all his glory hanging out. And he always took the opportunity to ‘wave’ at me on the way. 😉

But even more I miss the eye contact that said “I will take you later…”. That just left me totally titilated through out the day. The looks we would flash at each other at a dinner party that said “I can’t wait to get you home, clothes off and loving on.”

I miss the phone calls, both giving and receiving them, whispering naughty little things to perk up his interest. I miss hearing the longing for me in his soft voice when I pick up the phone and he would say, “I want you.”

There were many times as we worked at a job together, I would tease Ole. I miss tantilising him with what I would do to him when we got home after work. I miss seeing his eyes light up and feeling his willingness to my suggessions pressed against me. I miss him so much.

Do you flirt with your lover? Do you hold him close as you say good-bye for the day, talk softly about the luscious ways you are going to tease his body when you get home, a quick little ear nibble and send him out the door? Do you call her up and in a brief 30 second conversation you can hear her breathing change? Do you text little messages to your sweetheart counting all the places you are going to kiss him or her?

When you go for a drive out in the country just to relax and see the green grass and trees…do you snuggle up close to your man and run your finger nail up and down the closed zipper on his jeans? Just to put a little zing in your trip.

I hope so! Not just for the benefits you get physically from flirting but also the benefits your relationship gets.

Flirting with your partner keeps that spark, that light in the eyes and that light in your hearts alive. Flirting adds a little excitement to think about during the day as you each go through your daily routines and jobs. Flirting keeps your lover on your mind and you on theirs…ALL DAY LONG!


There are many benefits to flirting also. Flirting takes a lot of pressure off a couple in the bedroom. So many people talk about preformance anxiety and worrying how they look naked. When you put some play into your love life, you take that seriousness out.

Then when it comes time to get between the sheets, you are both so hot and bothered that nothing else matters.

Try it today. Call your lover and whisper seductively into the phone what you would like to do to them. Or if you want to really get your man going, tell them what you would like them to do to you.

When you walk past each other, seize the opportunity to touch. It could be a hand flowing down the back from the shoulders to the bumb and a little pinch. Not too hard but enough to raise eyebrows and get your lover thinking, “What was THAT?” They may even turn around and try to find out what you REALLY meant.

There are so many ways you can raise the flirting level in your relationship that will put a light-hearted playfulness into the moment, the day and into the evening.

There is one word of caution…IF you flirt with your lover all day about what will happen when they come home, you better be prepared to deliver. After all, you don’t want to be know as just a tease. This will be like throwing ice water on your love life.

Get your flirting on! Love your way to better physical health. What can be better than that?

Passionate regards….Brenda

1st October

Learned Stimulus and Pavlov’s Theory

I was reading a psychology book today and it was discussing Learned Stimulus and Pavlov’s Theory. It was explaining how Pavlov determined between a natural reflex and a learned reflex that happens with certain stimulus.

He found out that when a dog receives food, they begin to produce saliva and drool. This is a natural reflex to the stimulus. They are born with this reflex, it is not learned.

He then noticed that the dog would begin salivating just when the cupboard was opened where the dog’s food was stored. Then Pavlov started to ring a bell before he would feed the dog and before long when the dog heard the bell, he would begin to salivate. Both of these were Learned Stimulus.

So I got to thinking about Learned Stimulus in relation to our relationships. I began to think about how a certain stimulus would produce a learned reflex.

Ole and I liked to watch movies. When we would settle in to watch a movie we would always have a wonderful snack to share while we watched the movie. Were we actually hungry? No. But we learned that we created a certain intimacy with sharing this snack and watching the movie. Our learned reflex was one that produced a cosy and loving feeling between us.

Then I stared thinking about why do some things trigger certain responses? These triggers, if they bring on less than desirable responses, why do we hold on to them so tightly? If we have learned responses from Learned Stimulus, can we learn to have a different response if the one we have is not so desirable?

For example, I have a thing about people chewing with their mouths open. That is a learned response to a Learned Stimulus. When someone would chew with their mouth open, I could not enjoy myself and I would get angrier by the second. All I could focus on was that chomping, clicking, smacking noise. Drove me crazy! But I have learned to let that go. It doesn’t serve me in any way to hold on to that.

So what triggers you? What Learned Stimulus activates your learned reflex response?

Think about your own relationship. If you walked into the bathroom and the top was off the toothpaste and the toilet seat was up. This could trigger anger, frustration, disappointment as well as other feelings. And yet, for the next person, it might not trigger anything at all.

When your partner spends money, do you get anxious? Or when your lover looks at another woman or man, do you get jealous? Or you don’t get the attention you want from your sweetheart, do you begin to feel a little uneasy and nervous? Are these also Learned Stimulus responses because of a past occurance or patterns in our lives?

We are subjected to thousands of Learned Stimulus every day. Don’t you think that the sexy advertising for a product triggers the desire of need in yourself? Like with cigarettes or the sexy girl in the fabulous jeans. Don’t you want that feeling for yourself?

Don’t you think that when you see a commercial of people sitting in a cosy restaurant eating and ejoying themselves with happy music playing that you want to experience that also?

Don’t you think when we see how many times on TV, the movies and countless other places how easy it is to cheat on your wife or husband that there isn’t a seed of desire to try that?

A Learned Stimulus response is not always a happy or healthy thing. Smoking, drinking, over eating, cheating, gambling and the list goes on. But each and every day we are influenced from this type of Learned Stimulus.

All I am saying is that we have our natural reflexes that produce love, joy and smiles. If you look at the sunrise, if you look at a dog playing in the grass, if you look at a little child learning to walk, your natural reflex is to smile. It is the learned reflex from the Learned Stimulus that would make you frown looking at those same pictures.

We all have our own experiences in life and no two lives are the same. We all determine what is wonderful and what is awful for ourselves. You might love broccoli and your husband thinks it is a nasty food to say the least. BUT he could LEARN to change how he feels about eating it.

Determine what your Learned Stimulus is. Decide if you are producing desired reflexes from this stimulus or not. If not, then you have work to do. Make a decision to free yourself from the bondage of undersirable reflexes from Learned Stimulus. Then you can start having not only the life you want to live but the kind of relationships you want to have.

Passionate regards….Brenda

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