Archive for August, 2010

29th August

Relationship Safety

I was at a friend’s 40th birthday party yesterday and had such a huge AHA moment…I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

I don’t go to many large parties or functions these days. Not because I am anti-social or anything. I have enjoyed many delightful dinners with 2 or 3 couples and me. But I can see myself a little clearer from having attended this party yesterday.

It was a lovely affair with around 50 people or so. Nothing huge where you are not sure if there will be someone you can talk with, but an intimate gathering of family and friends. It was very calm and relaxed. People were enjoying themselves, talking, drinking, eating. It was quite wonderful.

There were several people I knew there that I could talk with and enjoy. The thing was I felt like a fish out of water. I felt so alone inside myself. I felt emotional, nervous, sad and happy at the same time. I felt like I wanted to just come home to the ‘Safety’ of my house and dogs.

As I drove home I was asking myself what was going on with me? I was never one to step away from a good time. I was always the one that could talk to anyone and everyone. I was always the one to laugh loud and have fun. I was always one of the last people to leave because I didn’t want to miss anything. What happened?

I lost the Relationship Safety I had knowing Ole was beside me.

“What does that mean exactly?” I asked myself. It meant I felt totally exposed. I felt like people could see into me and see through me. I felt like there was no back-up if I needed one. Meaning there was no one to just sit with and watch the party unfold. Not having to think about what to say or where I should stand.

I was so shocked as this unravelled in my head as I drove home. I have never been nervous about doing things on my own. I have always been very independent and self assured. Even in our marriage I did many things on my own with Ole’s blessing. So this was somewhat unsettling to say the least.

The Relationship Safety I had with Ole infused every aspect of my life. I had someone that I respected to ask his opinion of things. I had someone to stand beside me not so much to hold me up but to be stronger. I had someone that could calm me with a look. I had everything I needed and wanted wrapped up in this one person.

Maybe I was already thinking along these same lines earlier this week. I work with home care here in Denmark and I was talking with a lady the other day as I helped her put on her support stockings. I said I was having a difficult time deciding if I should buy new doors for my house or not. I am still not sure how long I can be here in Denmark because immigration has not settled my case. So it is wise to spend so much money on a house that I may have to sell?

As our conversation continued with these questions with no absolute answers, she said that this is one of those decisions that it really helps to have two to decide. I agreed whole heartedly.

Yes I can ask his family and friends. Yes I can talk to my family and friends. But when it comes down to the final decision it is only me. I miss the Relationship Safety I had with Ole.

Ole gave me so much strength and support I still feel so much like half a person without him. I thought my inner strength was building more than what I displayed at this party.

I always knew that Ole had my back and I had his. I always knew that he was there for me and with me through thick and thin. I always knew that if I could not see clearly, he would be able to show me a better way. I felt so safe with Ole.

And as I was analysing myself through all this I realised that this is another reason why our relationship was so amazing. The Relationship Safety we had with each other built such a solid foundation for us to grow as a couple and as individuals.

I think this is a topic worth exploring more next week. But in the mean time, think about how much Relationship Safety you have with your mate. What does it mean to you to have Relationship Safety in your relationship?

To be continued….

Passionate regards….Brenda

23rd August

TUT…Have You Seen This?

Have you seen this, TUT… A Note from the Universe? These are messages that are sent to your inbox everyday with messages from the Universe. Actually, Mike Dooley sends them to you. The Universe just writes them.

I want to share the one that popped up in my in-box today. Here it is:

Shaping, shifting, molding, making… what people do when they discover their imagination.

Spinning, curling, dipping, twirling… what people do when they discover their wings.

Beaming, marveling, basking, sparkling… what people do when they discover love.

Basking, Brenda –
The Universe

Does this message strike a cord in you too? It sure did me and that’s why I wanted to share it with you if you haven’t already signed up for these tidbits of Universal wisdom.

I began thinking that when I felt so sure, excited and positive about what was going on in my life, I was definitely spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling. When I was cutting hair and creating beautiful styles, I was totally shaping, shifting, molding, and making. Plus spinning, curling, dipping, and twirling.

And then, when I fell in love with Ole, I was more than beaming, marveling, basking, and sparkling. I WAS EVERYTHING! I FELT EVERYTHING! I WAS THE UNIVERSE!

Remember that new-in-love feeling? You sparkle from the inside out. Your skin glows. Your eyes twinkle. You bounce a little bit extra with each step you take. And your smile could not be more dazzling.

Do you still feel that way?

I know I do when I think of Ole. We had such adventures to say the least. We loved and made love. We created together. We talked and planned about our future, our business, our love for each other. And then suddenly there was no more. He was gone from my physical life. Poof!

It took a long time to be able to think about our love and feel all those marvelous feelings when I thought of him. It was so hard for so long after he died because the hurt I felt was emmense. I felt like the Universe had imploded and there was nothing left. I WAS that black hole scientists talk about. Empty!

But that wasn’t true. I STILL have all those amazing feelings inside of me. I just have to think of Ole and they over-take my mind, heart, body and soul in a flash flood of LOVE. And now, it feels good to remember.

I think sometimes after being together a few years we forget how wonderful it was to fall in love. Not because we don’t still love that special person that holds our heart in their hands but because life takes over. We get immersed in jobs, families, business, media and whatever else takes our attention on a daily basis.

We get so wrapped up in being busy, making a living and making a LIFE that sometimes we put our love feelings and our relationships into the background of our daily routine. We forget to say “I love you.” We forget how important it is to snuggle, cuddle, make love, laugh, flirt, and relax with the person that we willingly gave our hearts to.

Then we get angry and upset that things aren’t like they used to be.

The thing is, we have to put our relationships first. Yes, making a living and making a life are important but believe me, if you have no one to share all that with, you haven’t got much.

My relationship with Ole was the world to me. He was my priority. Our relationship was our priority. We worked at having the BEST relationship we could have with each other. YES, I said WORKED at having the best relationship.

Just because you are IN a relationship doesn’t mean that everything will just flow and come natural for you and your lover. But if you take the time to tease, talk and trip the light fantastic, you will surely begin to know what I mean.

HOMEWORK – Everyday for the next 2 weeks, the first thing you do when you wake up (even before you open your eyes) is remember how you felt when you first fell in love with that special person that snuggles into bed beside you. Even if you are not in a relationship at this present moment, remember that feeling from a love long lost.

You will notice that you smile more, are more tollerant of the small things, and people will be more receptive towards you. Not to mention the benefits you will have with your lover. And if you are not in a relationship, you may soon be, acting this way 😉

Oh, and take the time to visit TUT. It’s a great place for a mini vacation.

Passionate regards….Brenda

11th August

Wasting Time

This past week I got to thinking about Wasting Time. I guess because I sit at my new computer a lot and do just that. I’m reading emails, looking at offers, watching clips, reading new blogs and signing up for the update, looking around the Net at what’s new and exciting. Before ya know it, 4 hours have passed and I have not accomplished a darn thing.

Just Wasting Time.

When I realised what I was doing I started to think back how Ole and I would waste time. I think it was mostly with our computer again. When we got the then-new computer, we each had one in our office to sit and play with. Lots of times we would slip some Metallica into the disc drive (the then-new computer had great speakers) and we would sit and play games.

Yeah in some ways this was Wasting Time but it was also just a time for both of us to take a break and not think about anything. We were spending time together but in a lot of people’s eyes, all we were doing was Wasting Time.

Knowing what I know now, I am happy for those game playing moments. We would listen to the music. We teased each other about silly things and relaxed. We enjoyed this. We enjoyed being together.

I think Ole was more aware of time and Wasting Time than I was. I never thought about it so much then. But he told me more often than I can count that time is our most precious commodity. Ole told me over and over that time lost can never be recovered. You can never get back time you have wasted. He would say we needed to be more aware of how we use our time.

I never knew that his minutes were so limited or maybe I would have been more enthusiastic to work on our projects, books and seminars. Maybe I would have used our time together to expand our relationship coaching so other people could experience the deepfelt love and connection that we shared. Maybe I would have just talked with him more. Maybe I would have asked him more questions about his younger days, his ideas, his thoughts about life.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so happy Wasting Time just sitting next to him. Hard to say for sure.

After I started focusing on this topic of Wasting Time, I asked myself, how many ways do we waste time in our life and in our relationships?

It is pretty easy to sit in front of the TV and flick the remote buttons for hours and never really find anything to watch. That is why I have just cut off my cable. Waste of time for me. Most days, if I have the TV on, it is just for background noise. I think I will start playing music instead.

I have been reading different articles about couples using shopping as an activity they do together, to spend time together. Not only is that a Waste of Time but possibly very draining on the bank account.

It is very hard to connect at the level that is needed to foster and grow a love relationship while you are walking around in the midst of hundreds of strangers looking at all this junk you really don’t need. And possibly getting into an argument over it. Neither of these activities helps grow a deeper connection in your relatiionship.

There are many activities we do to Waste Time. But how do you Waste Time in your relationship? Do you stay angry for a long time? Do you hold that anger inside you until the next argument? Do you hold grudges (first hand experience with this – HUGE WASTE of TIME. Totally not worth it or the consequences of it. I was the queen of holding grudges. Let this Time Waster go today)?

Each one of us only gets so many days in this life. No one knows how long that is but we all know that our time on earth is limited in this physical body.

Take a moment and look at your daily routine. Find out where you are Wasting Time and what you are willing to do about it.

As for just sitting with Ole and playing the computer games, was it Wasting Time? Yup! But I would give everything I have to be able to sit and Waste Time with him right now.

In my eyes, we were spending quality time together. A quiet moment listening to music and feeling the love flowing between us. That is NEVER a Waste of Time.

Passionate regards….Brenda

6th August

Something New

I am so happy to say that I am back. I have something new…A NEW COMPUTER. It is wonderful to say the least. I guess 10 years is a long time to not upgrade to a new computer. I, like most other people, just get used to doing what I always do. Then one day, we are forced to try Something New.

Isn’t that the truth? We get into certain habits that just turn into our daily routines. We drive the same way to work or to the usual grocery stores. We tend to make the same culinary delights that we have learned and used for years. Yeah, sure we shake things up once in a while but I think for the most part, people are creatures of habit.

That goes for our romantic lives as well. We tend to stick to what we know, what works, and what we get used to. This includes how we romance our lovers and how we make love.

Sometimes we forget how exciting it is to try Something New in our lives. We get used to the same old stuff and it’s good enough. Life gets busy and we get a little more tired with jobs, kids, and all the rest that becomes our daily routines. Then we forget to look for the Something New to explore with.

Let me tell you, when you start bringing Something New, Something Exciting into your bedroom, you find a new energy in the rest of your life.

That was a great thing about Ole and I…we always looked for new ways to excite each other. We looked for new places to make love. We looked for new ideas to surprise the other with romance, intimacy and sex. We didn’t restrict this wanting to surprise the other just in the bedroom. This was our life in the kitchen, on road trips, and everything else.

I have a funny story to tell you. You will really think we lost our marbles but it was a lot of fun.

I came to Denmark to stay for a bit to see where things were going to go with Ole and I. I could stay for 3 months then I would have to leave the country again or apply to stay longer. We learned quickly that we fit together so well.

Ole had such ideas about life that I have never encountered in anyone else. He was very creative in so many areas. He didn’t see life like other people did. I guess that is why I fell in love with him.

One day Ole came into the bedroom with a sander, an electric sander…without the sandpaper of course. I looked at him and didn’t know what to expect. I voiced my reservations about this but he said just try it. Okay!

He had me lay down on the bed on my stomach then he started sanding my back, bumb, legs and arms with this machine. WOW! WOW! WOW! It had a lot of power in it, more than a regular viberator for sure. I was totally amazed how WONDERFUL it felt. And how arousing this strong vibrating sensation was.

That was not the last time we used the sander (without sandpaper) in our love making. And that was not the last time he came up with a winning idea.

I know it is so easy to get caught up in our everyday lives where we feel over worked and over whelmed that we just don’t feel we have the energy to try Something New. Little do we realise that when we bring Something New into our lives that it also brings with it a spark of electricy. It gives new life to our relationships. It infuses us with new energy.

I am putting a challenge out to you. Try Something New in your love making. Try Something New in preparing your daily meals. Try Something New in your life this week.

I know this new computer has me all fired up. I have so many ideas for blog posts. I am so excited to share these ideas and events in our life with you. I can hardly contain myself.

So what will your Something New be to tantalise your lover?

Go for the gusto! Try Something New!

Passionate regards….Brenda

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