Archive for July, 2010

28th July

Putting Your Best YOU Forward

Do you remember when you were in the begining of your relationship? Do you remember how important it was to put your Best YOU forward? How important it was to attract that special someone into all areas of your life?

What about now after 3 years into the relationship? Or 10 years? Or 30 years? Do you still put your Best YOU forward?

When we find a special person that we would like to draw into our lives we go out of our way to be more attractive. We wear the pretty clothes…and this goes for both men and women. We make sure our hair sits just right and looks soft and touchable. We take extra special time with our apprearance. We may even start exercising or add extra workouts to our fitness plan.

But it doesn’t stop there. When we are doing our best to be attractive we make allowances in several areas. For instance, you may not really enjoy Monster Trucks but that new man in your life would love to share his enthusiasm for them with you. So of course you tag along and smile, laugh, scream and get involved in the show. Am I right?

Or perhaps, you are not so thrilled about shopping but your new lovely lady wants to get your opinion on a dress. She has several in mind if you would just come and have a look with her. You have sat on many ‘Man Chairs’ (that’s what I call the chairs some clothing stores have outside the fitting rooms), looked at too many dresses to count, and all you can think of is how beautiful she looked in each of them.

Let’s fast forward 3 years…in both of these scenerios the outcome will possibly be very different.

“Monster Trucks! Are you crazy? Why don’t you call Steve and I will stay home and read?”

“Shopping! Not again. You try on so many dresses and they all look the same. I have a lot of things to do around here ya know. Can’t you just go by yourself?”

I may be exagreating this a little but I wanted you to understand my point. When we are trying to attract that new love into our lives, we will bend over backwards to be more attractive and accommodating. This means taking extra time for our physical appreance and making time to spend with each other even if it is a less than desirable event.

Ole and I did the same. I had a much smaller waist when I was enticing him into my lair than I did when he died. I was much more aware of how my makeup was done or what clothes I put on than after we were married a few years.

We always liked to be together and most of the time it didn’t matter where we went. So that part didn’t change much. But there were times I was not interested for sure.

Like Monster Trucks…they got old real fast after we were married.

Ole put his foot down too. He was not interested in going out looking around in the stores. Ole was not a shopper.

As I read a blurb on Facebook that prompted this rant today, I started to think about Ole and me. Some days I would pull my hair up and no makeup, old frumpy clothes…not a pretty sight in my eyes but still did it. Why? Because I got lazy.

Why do we take so much time to put our Best Selves forward in the attracting stage of a relationship but then forget it after? Why is it not so important to do things together later in our relationship?

The fact is, IT IS IMPORTANT! I am not sure what happens in the human mind that lets us believe we have hooked the big fish and now we can relax. Maybe it does come down to just being lazy. I can’t say for sure.

But I do know that when you don’t put your Best YOU forward, it affects everything from your own self esteme to your relationship with your lover.

Go back a couple paragraphs where I wrote about getting lazy and I didn’t think I looked good…do you think I projected that thought out in our relationship? YOU BET I DID! Do you think I felt like Ole was attraced to me on those days I looked lke that? NOT A CHANCE!

Feeling and being attractive comes from the inside of you. It is not how you look on the outside or how you hair sits or what clothes you wear. It comes from the smile that you flash at your lover that says ‘Honey, I’m hot and you know it!’ while you are painting the fence in your old baggy clothes and your hair is streaked with sweat and paint. But not many people are lucky enough to know that about themselves.

So what do you do?

Don’t allow yourself to get lazy. Pretend each day that this is just the beginning of your relationship. Remember the little things you did to attract that wonderful person into your life and start doing those things again. Talk about heating up the kitchen! You will find a renewed spark in yourself, your lover and your relationship.



Passionate regards….Brenda

25th July

Everything Is Going WRONG!

EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG! Everything is falling apart! I must say I am forever grateful that I was able to get on my computer today to write this. Thank you to the computer gods for shining on me today. I have not been lazy. But my computer has a mind of his own this past month or so.

This is my life this past month…I have been having pc troubles like you can not imagine. If I can open the computer at all, I am never sure how long it will be before the blue screen of computing death pops up.

My computer is 10 years old and is having trouble computing. I have known that eventually I will need a new one but hoped it would be a day ‘down the road’. I am now standing on that part of the road.

And my car is really showing his age too. My car is Buddy. That is why I will refer to it as ‘him’. I have an 1987 Volvo station car. I love him. I feel like I am driving a real car when I sit in him. He is heavy, hugs the road and rolls along so smooth and wonderful.

But he is also wanting to retire. It is me that is not willing to part with him. I now have two back doors that will not open unless I crawl in the car to open them. I know I will have to let him go soon.

Also, I need 2 new doors for my house plus other work. These are very high ticket items for me because I tell ya, living in Denmark is not cheap. The list goes on but you get the idea. It wouldn’t be so bad maybe if it didn’t all seem to come at once.

Ole and I were always lucky that when one of us was feeling like the world was falling apart, the other was able to see and think more clear. The one of us that was on top of the wave was able to help pull the other back up. Then the waters would be calm again untill the next storm.

What about you? When troubles hit in your house do you and your partner both fall into them or are you able to lean on each other to support the one that is less sturdy?

It is important in a relationship to have the support from your lover. And this goes for everything in life. Whether it is a problem or a celebration. Knowing that you have that special someone there to share EVERYTHING with makes life better.

Knowing that if you think the sun has stopped shining on your life that there is that person that stands beside you to help you see that it is only a little cloud coverage. And maybe sometimes it is a full blown hurricane but there is that strong arm around you that is supporting your weight so that you can continue to walk forward.

Read that again…I said SUPPORTING you, not holding you up. We all need to walk on our own. We all need to get through our cloudy days or stormy weather. Having the support and encouragement of your partner gives you another perspective of the situation and the energy to keep moving on.

There are so many things I would love to hear what Ole would say about them. I have little conversations in my head with him and imagine what his answers would be. It helps. It is not ideal but it gets me up and going. It helps to get me to keep moving forward.

Be the Support Beam Team with each other in your house of love. When there is one hand reaching out to help lift up the other that has momentarily fallen, it makes it SO MUCH EASIER to stand again. Then you can stand strong together, arm in arm, and yell….


In love and honour, in joy and disappointment, in sickness and in health, by standing strong with your arms around each other, knowing you are creating a stronger Support Beam Team, you can achieve great things in your life together and over come any dissapointments and sorrows.

Passionate regards….Brenda

20th July


I am so happy to be back. I feel like I have been so disconnected. I don’t ever want that to happen again.

I had some troubles posting a new post here…I couldn’t. Luckily I had some great advice from a couple people and nothing can stop me now.

When I started thinking about this post I thought this is a great thing to talk about for couples…feeling disconnected. I think it happens at some point in time to many couples. The trick is, what do you do to get that connection with your lover back?

Being disconnected can happen at any time and for many reasons. I know in our second year I went through a period of feeling very un-sexy. I felt like I was not pretty or feminine. I felt out of sorts with myself which in turn reflected on my relationship with Ole.

He was becoming more frustrated because he tried every way he could to convince me that I WAS sexy, beautiful, feminine and that he desired and loved me. He tried so hard to make me feel and see what he did.

It wasn’t easy. Just because Ole felt I was desirable and pretty didn’t help the way I felt about myself. And that was where the real problem was.

I had to find that part of ME again. That part of ME that felt flirty and sexy. That part of ME when I looked in the mirror and thought I LOOKED GOOD!

This affected both of us for a few months. It was a challenge for me to find my way back. And it was a challenge for Ole because he always only wanted the best for me.

But I was able to get my groove back. The way I did it was I took time for me. I pampered myself with bubbles and body rubs…provided by Ole of course. I took time to read for fun not just to learn something. I took time to have meaningful conversations with the Brenda inside.

The conversations I had were about what I wanted from my marriage. What I wanted to give to my marriage. What I wanted to preserve or grow inside of ME that was separate from my relationship with Ole but that would build a stronger connection WITH him.

Also, I had allowed myself to slip into a Lazy Me. I was not wearing pretty, feminine clothes. Mostly because we spent a lot of time at home together. Why dress up? Lazy Me!

I had allowed myself to not put on makeup. Now for some women that is not important but makeup has always been a part of my sexy, pretty self. Lazy Me!

Plus, I got really wrapped up in what Ole wanted. I forgot about what I wanted and enjoyed. Ole would get really nervous when we would go out shopping. He thought that meant spending money and possibly a lot of money. Spending ANY money (that we didn’t have) was very stressful for him.

But shopping to me meant just going out and having a look in the shops. Maybe try on some new clothes. That didn’t mean I was going to buy them.

So to keep the peace and not have him get upset, I chose to stay home or do something else that did not include ‘shopping’. I lost another chunk of myself.

After my soul searching it was easier to find out what I needed to be me, the ME that Ole fell in love with, the ME that I loved. Then I moved forward and began to set the missing pieces of my inner puzzle together again. Which in turn made the connection between Ole and I stronger because I was stronger inside of ME.

I challenge you to find your missing pieces if there are any, and place them back into your puzzle. Rebuild that Amazing You into a new and improved design of yourself.

Rebuild that loving connection with YOUR INNER YOU and in-turn that loving connection with that special someone in your life will also become stronger.

I love being back and CONNECTING with YOU.

xoxoxoxoxo HUGS FOR EVERYONE xoxoxoxox

Passionate regards….Brenda

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