Archive for June, 2010

24th June

I Am Not Ignoring You

I really want to apologise. I have been having some real computer troubles and just want you to know that I Am Not Ignoring You.

I appreciate that you take the time to read my posts and for all your wonderful comments. I am doing all that I can to get this blog up to speed so you can subscribe by email.

As I started to write this I got to thinking about how often this same thing happened with Ole and I. You know, one person gets caught up in an idea, person or life experience and the other half of the happy couple feels a little left out.

I know I have felt that way with Ole sometimes when he would be focused on a project. I would feel a little left out and ignored. Understand now that this is NOT jealousy. I was not jealous of the other person or project Ole was spending time with. But sometimes I was just feeling a little left out of the in-crowd.

Then there were times when I would get into reading a really good book. Poor Ole would be eating breakfast in silence and I was flipping pages. I would read when I came home from work. I can tell you, he was very happy when my book was finished.

As we grew in our marriage, we both found better ways to channel our feelings. Plus, I realised that Ole did not do this intentionally to hurt me. I knew, with all my heart, that Ole would NEVER do something so childish just to be mean. He was the MOST kind and gentle man I have EVER known. And I would not have hurt him for the world either.

But there are times in every persons life that something will take precedence over everything else. I am not saying this is good or bad but just that it happens.

And sometimes when the left-out partner gets a little testy, the fur can fly. Which does not help the situation.

So just be aware of your own actions. If you get deep into a project and your lover brings it up that they are feeling a little lonely, take them in your arms and let them know how important they really are to you.

I hope you can feel the hugs I am giving you right now because you are important to me. I want to help as many people have the most amazing relationship like Ole and I had.

I am not ignoring you. I am just working to make our relationship and time that we spend together the best it can be.

I hope you will do the same for the relationships that are important to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

12th June

Changes

People get really nervous at the thought of changes in their lives. Who would I be if I changed this and that about myself? How would other people react to me after I change? What else will change in my life if I …? Why should I change? If the other person would only change then things would be much better.

We heard this in our seminars and many times when I was a hairdresser. I had clients tell me that their future husband will change. They know their man won’t drink so much, hit them anymore, stop screwing around with other people after the wedding. They know their future wife will get better handling money, quite being so angry, treat them better after they are married.

What a load of hogwash. Just because a person gets married does not mean they WILL change. Marriage does not wash a couple in magic dust and proclaim, “Now you are husband and wife. You will drop all your bad, annoying, nasty, unfaithful habits and live happily-ever-after.”

I told my clients straight out that there was no way this person was going to become their ideal mate just because you will have the big white wedding. If nothing else, the habits will show up more.

Ole and I always taught the people at our seminars that if the love in your relationship hurts, maybe you are not in the right relationship. We didn’t mean these people should split up but they did have a choice.

As a couple, they could choose to work on the dark side of themselves and become a more loving partner to each other or they could talk about the consequences of staying the same as they are now.

Of course there were things both Ole and I wanted the other to change when we got married. Some things were small and some things not so small. For instance, I hate when someone chews with their mouth open. Drives me crazy. And Ole would do that. He was loving enough and could see this could turn into a REAL issue if he continued, so he quit. Thank heavens 🙂

It drove him crazy I could not focus on one topic for very long. When we would be working on something, I would think of something else and jump up to go do it. It could have been the laundry, make a cake, call a friend. He would get so upset with me that I would not just do the work at hand.

I made a concentrated effort to focus myself on whatever project we were working on at the moment. Even if that meant we agreed to a specific amount of time we would work,  I was committed to the project and him. I was willing to change to have a better life with Ole.

I have seen some of these silly reality shows where they do some big transformation of a person and take them from a street urchin to a princess. What I always found strange was that there were so many that said “I am not changing for anyone. If they don’t like me, too bad for them.” Why did they come on this show then if they didn’t want to change?

When it comes to bettering yourself and especially a change that could make your relationship more peaceful and loving, why wouldn’t you change?

Change has a bad reputation. People are afraid of change because they don’t know what will happen next. But what if the changes bring more love, peace and joy in your relationship. Wasn’t it worth it?

I was reading my journal from when we were first married. I laughed at the silly little things we did and thought about how much we both had changed in our 9 years together. We always looked for ways to grow personally and together as a couple. 

Embrace the changes in yourself. There is a certain excitement that comes with those changes. Be the best you can be! As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

And remember, this is VERY important, You Only Have the Power To Change Yourself and No One Else.

Go for it!

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOUR WORLD!

Passionate regards….Brenda

6th June

“What If Up” Your Relatonships

I have found the most wonderful website. Mindy Maudlin has created a place called the “What If Up Club”. She talks about playing the “What If” game but instead of thinking the worst, she asks you to think about what is the BEST you could imagine. This is “What If Upping”.

It is a wonderful game. I have played it for most my life. Sitting around with friends or family and asking, “What If?” Ole and I would play it when we would drive some place.

  • What If money weren’t an issue, what kind of car would you buy and why?
  • What If you could live any place in the world, where would it be and why?
  • What If you could have any job in the world, what would you do and why?
  • What If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?
  • What If you could make love any place in the world, where would it be and why?

I mean, the list of ‘What If’ questions is a mile long and the conversations that would spring from one question was always a mind opener because we both saw and imagined something different.

We would talk, laugh and explore one fantasy after another. We played it a lot. Sometimes we would be snuggling on the couch and start the game of ‘what if’. Time would fly and we were having fun.

You might be thinking how cute, or how silly, but it is a useful tool. People in business play this game all the time. They try and look at different possibilities or solutions to different problems, products, and advertising. From the amount of consumerism, I would say it works wonders for them.

But I got to thinking, you can definitely use this in your relationship too:

  • What if you could have the best possible relationship ever? What would it look like to you…to your partner?
  • What if you and your partner could talk about everything openly and honestly without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
  • What if you both could talk about what you want from your relationship and each other?
  • What if you could share ALL your hopes, dreams and fears without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
  • What if you could ask for emotional, physical and spiritual support from your partner?
  • What if you could sit together and imagine your best relationship ever?

These are just a FEW of the ways you could play the “What If Up” game in your relationship. When you start playing, you will be able to come up with so many more topics of interest to explore and imagine together to make your Best Relationship Ever come true.

Just playing this game is a first step in that direction. You are opening up your creative minds and exploring other possibilities on many, many topics. As well, you are communicating your wants and needs emotionally, physically and spiritually.

This opens a whole new door in your relationship. You learn to playfully talk with each other about your deepest desires, feelings and needs without pressure on either of you. You get to communicate with your lover on a whole different level.

You get to learn about each other in a different way.

Not only is this fun but you will hear things about your lover that he may not have talked about before. Because this is a game, there is no pressure to say the right thing and there are no expectations. There is no fear that you will say something that will disappoint your sweetheart. It is just a game.

Be adventurous and play the “What If Up” game with your lover. This is for fun. This is to come closer together. This is to connect to each other with out expectations or fear.

So…What If you could have the BEST RELATIONSHIP EVER? What would it look like?

Passionate regards….Brenda

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