Archive for February, 2010

21st February

The Seduction of Romance

When you think of romance what picture do you paint? Can you see the flames dancing in the fireplace with plush, soft, overstuffed pillows luring lovers into their comforting embrace. The bottle of wine twinkles in the glow of the fire like a single star in the night sky. The plate of expensive cheese sweats in the heat of the fire like love drenched skin dripping with lust and passion.

Two people slide gracefully down into the pillows and melt into each other’s bodies. The soft talk and soft music are only to distract the senses so the couple does not hurry and can take pleasure in the moment.  They sip the wine and nibble the cheese all the while being very aware of every nuance and detail of their companion.

They both look deep into eyes filled with adoration. They touch skin hot with lust and longing. They smell a heavenly fragrance unbeknown to their nose but the pheromones are strong and pungent. The taste of a kiss lingers on lips trickling words of love and fairy tales.

Time moves forward, as does the couple’s passion. She protests but he coaxes her tender heart to a place of safety with his words and soft caresses.  She succumbs to his advances and the shoulders of her silk dress float down her arms like the touch of a butterfly. They embrace and quench their thirst for love.

Back to reality!

Pretty picture isn’t it. Who would not fall prey to such a scene given the right man or woman and the explosive chemistry of love and lust?

This is not the only form of romance although most people think of romance to fall into a similar scenario of passion, soft glances and soft touches.

Romance is a large part of our lives. Not the wine and flowers and fire in the fireplace kind but everyday romance.

When your lover asks you to pick up the dry cleaning and you know full well you do not have the time, you say no. So your honey snuggles up close and pouts their lips and holds you tight and says ‘Pretty please Sugar. You are so sweet to me and this would help me so much today. Pleeaasse…’ You love the attention, the loving words and the tenderness. Were you not seduced by romance?

When you see a commercial on TV and the product is so well portrayed that you just have to have it….were you not seduced by romance? When you and you darling are out together at a party where you exchange secret glances and smiles…is that not romantic seduction? Absolutely!

Romance is everywhere. When you walk along a path in the woods and the birds sing and the leaves on the trees shimmer in the breeze. The colors, the forest smells, the sounds are all seducing you with their natural romantic natures.

Has your sweetheart never surprised with something, a gift or deep felt words and gestures to the point it brought tears to your eyes? In the same breath, have you never gazed upon a mountain valley, a deer standing solitaire and still in the dawns light of morning or at a newborn baby and your eyes fill with drops of gratitude, joy and love. Is this not all the seduction of romance?

When we allow the romance of everyday experiences to seduce us, our world really does open to new possibilities and experiences. We have become trained to think in a Hollywood box about romance and forget we live incredible and amazing romantic lives and are seduced with every turn of the clock’s hands.

Fabulous, isn’t it! The seduction of romance is alive and well and lives in our very own heart. Be open to the seduction. You will never be the same person again after you surrender to the beauty and joy that seeks to romance you every day.

 Passionate regards….Brenda

Written for 2008

16th February

Know My Husband a Little Better

I had the most wonderful experience this past couple days. I got to know my husband a little more. I got to meet him at a time in his life that I didn’t know him or know much about.

In Denmark, if you get the short straw, you have to go into the army for 12 months. At least that’s how it was when Ole’s name was drawn. A man contacted me on Facebook if this was the same O.Poulsen that was in their platoon as they are organising a reunion.

Yes, it was my Ole. This wonderful man wrote such a beautiful email back to me on what Ole was like in the army, what he did, and the respect and friendship he had with his platoon. As I read the email I cried both for the love of the man I lost and to be able to get to know him from a different perpective.

Ole felt like a failure when we moved back to Denmark because we didn’t have the money he thought we should have by then. We didn’t have much of anything really but we had each other, our dreams, ideas and projects.

I was surprised when he told me how he felt. I said how many of his friends or family took the chance to move to another country? How many of his friends or family wrote a book and self published it? How many of his friends or family have had the courage to take the risks and face the challenges that he has? The answer…..NONE!

Doesn’t sound like much of a failure to  me.

But even more important than all that, Ole had NO IDEA how deeply he touched people he came in contact with. He had NO IDEA how respected, loved and admired he was. He had NO IDEA the comfort, joy and love he gave openly and freely to others.

But that is who Ole was. He is the MOST AMAZING man I have EVER known. I miss him every second of every day.

I told Ole one day that Life is a journey. It is not about reaching a certain destination where you feel you have done it all, seen it all, or achieved it all. We, as people, change constantly in our likes and dislikes and our wants and needs. The only end we have in this life is death and yet, that is only the death of our physical being. Not our spirit.

That was so evident in this wonderful email from a man I don’t know but am grateful for having known Ole. Ole had no idea the impact he had on these 20 men he spent that year of his young life with in the Danish army. Or, I can imagine, the impact he had on anyone else for that matter.

We all go through life this way I think. I have no idea how I have impacted other people’s lives for the good or bad of it. I can only hope that there was definitely more good.

What about you? If you were to die today, what would people say about you? Would they write a beautiful email or card to your wife, husband, lover, or family telling them wonderful stories and memories of you? How you made them laugh when things were a little tough to handle. How you offered a shoulder and an ear when they needed someone to comfort them. How you made a difference in their life even if it was for just one moment in time.

Our lives are hectic sometimes. We get caught up in the frantic sway of work, family, emotions, money and everything else that plays in our daily existence. Sometimes that means we forget about others and focus on ourselves. Sometimes that means we don’t think we could make a difference so why try.

If my Ole thought that way, I would not have sat here and cried tears of love knowing that every word was true as I read that email. I knew it was true because that is just who Ole was.

This is one small piece of the email but says so much about my husband:

“I remember Pouslen as a very ‘lun’ person, as we would say in Danish (means ‘warm’, but in a cozy and comfortable way), with a subtle and ingratiating humor – but certainly also as a person with firm convictions and a strong moral compass. I had a lot of respect for him, and I liked him a lot – as did everybody else. Poulsen would probably be the one, that most people were looking forward to seeing again – and his not being there will leave a 6’7″ hole, that we will all feel acutely.”

That hole is very real in my life. But I can fill it a little when I think about his kindness, sense of humor, his ideas and ideals. But most of all the love he just gave freely to me and everyone that came in contact with him.

I apologise for the length of this post. The thing is, I believe it is important to have role models. Ole was definitely a person I strive to be more like every day and I know I fall short. But at least I do my best.

What about You?

Passionate regards….Brenda

10th February

Valentine’s Day Cometh

In a couple days it is Valentine’s Day. How many are really looking forward to this day and how many are just going through the motions because they feel that is what is expected?

I was thinking about this yesterday when I saw two young guys walking out of the store. The one fella had a bunch of roses but the way he carried them just spoke volumes about why he bought them.

He grabbed them around the stems and they dangled by his leg as he walked. He wasn’t treating them special or tender or with any care at all. They weren’t even wrapped to protect them against winter’s chill. But, this is just what you do on Valentine’s Day.

Then I thought about the young lady I presumed he had bought them for. Did he treat her with the same disconnected interest as he did those beautiful red roses? Did he think she was so easily bought with a bunch of flowers that he treated so nonchalantly? Maybe. I can’t say for sure because I never talked to him.

If you are going to celebrate your love for each other on Valentine’s Day, mean it! Don’t just do it half heartedly because this is what is expected. Buy the beautiful flowers and chocolates. Go out for a romantic dinner with love in you heart and not lust.

If you are wooing your sweety with all the flash on Valentine’s with only thoughts of getting lucky that night, STOP! That isn’t what it is about. This is one day of the year we allow ourselves to savor the romance. For some, to go all out and play the part of a LOVER.

Now notice the word LOVER. It has LOVE in it. If Valentine’s Day was all about getting laid then everyday is Valentine’s day because there are people all over the world at any given time taking someone out for a fancy meal with flowers, chocolates and jewelry. Then they go to a hotel and have sex and the money is put on the dresser and the date is over.

Get my meaning here?

Life is so fast these days. We start the work week on a Monday and before you know it, Friday is here. The weekend skips by at the speed of light and we begin again.

Slow down for just one day. Give your undivided attention to your lover with only thoughts of making them feel amazing. Make your special someone feel like a king or queen just for one day. And this doesn’t neccessarily mean you have to spend a ton of money to do this. You can be just as romantic and amazing at home as you can when you go out.

Better yet, do this 365 days a year. When you shower your sweetheart with love and attention, everyday is Valentine’s Day. Every day is special and amazing.

If we all put as much time into our relationships as we spend waching a TV series or a sport, we would have a lot of happy couples. The divorce rate would come down. We would have happier children. There would be less crime.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day if you will. Then continue to flow that love the rest of the year. Make every day special. Make every day memorable.

Passionate regards….Brenda

7th February

Because That is What Love Does

“Because that is what love does,” answered Papa.

I am loving this book ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I had yet another aha moment when I was reading the other day. This is a wonderful book I tell ya!

I got shivers up my spine when I read that line. I keep writing here how people saw the love Ole and I shared. I keep telling you how we would do anything for each other. I had a relationship of unconditional love with Ole “because that is what love does.”

I knew we loved each other heart and soul but until I read that line I really could not have told you why or how. Now I can.

Because that is what love does

I have told you that we had a perfect relationship. I have never said we didn’t argue or get angry with each other. We are real people in a real world with real trials and triumphs. But our love was perfect because that is what love does.

I believe in our society we have many broken people. Okay, maybe more bruised and beat up. We grow up with our bruised and battered ideas of what a perfect relationship would look like, feel like. We have our fantasies of the perfect lover, husband or wife.

Then we meet that person that resembles our fantasy lover and we say YES! Dreams do come true. But when the veil of ‘new love’ is lifted and the real world starts to pounce on our perfect relationship. Then the dreams and fantasies are punished, caged or slaughtered and the love dies. Or what we thought was love.

It never happened with Ole and me. When we were married, a friend of Ole’s said to me that even if we get 5 good years together, at least we had that. There was no way I was getting married for just 5 good years. Neither was Ole. We were in this for the long haul, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

Because that is what love does

Even when we were arguing, we still loved each other. There were times in the early days when we had many arguments that I would think I could not continue. But then I would think of the alternative of living without Ole….I would cry so hard. I could not imagine my life without him. I would sob almost as hard as I did when he died. So we woke up the next day and moved forward. I said FORWARD not on. We delt with our problems and grew in our love for each other.

Because that is what love does

Love is forgiveness. If you hold on to the hurts there is no room for love. I was famous for holding a grudge when I was young. Hurt my feelings and I didn’t talk to you for years. Ole made me see how stupid that really was. I can’t give you specifics how he made me see that just that loving him did open my eyes.

I had put all my hurt in a cage and shut the door so it could never get out. The hurt would just sit in there and howl and bang on the walls in the very depths of my being. How could there be room for love in there? I had to open the door and let it out and move forward.

Love is acceptance. We don’t all think alike and thank heavens for that. If you talked to any of my or Ole’s childhood friends, they would say the same about both of us. We were both different than the rest. The friends we had, the families we grew up in….we thought and were different from them.

In that difference we both saw a wonderful loving being in each other. I didn’t want Ole to change. Okay, I wanted him to chew with his mouth closed and put the toilet lid down. But other than that, I loved who he was and how he thought. He was the most wonderful man I have EVER met.

Love is allowing. Allow the other person to be who they really are. We hide behind so many masks. We have the mask of mother, father, friend, daughter, son, employer, employee, baker, jailer, lover, alcoholic, abuser, slut… The list is endless and we choose at any given moment what mask is needed for any given situation.

We wear the masks because we are afraid. We are afraid that if people saw or knew the real person inside, maybe we would be rejected, ridiculed, abused or judged. But maybe we would really be loved, accepted and adored.

Because that is what love does

Open the cages in your soul and let the pain and hurt escape. Put away your masks and allow the beauty of your true self to shine. Revel in your different-ness and allow other people the same courtesy.

Because that is what love does

Passionate regards….Brenda

4th February

Relationship Availability

I have been reading ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young. I am not a religious person but my sister-in-law sent it to me and I am always open to reading a good story. To tell you the truth I have been a little surprised by this book. The insights he comes up with are fascinating.

The one that really struck me yesterday when I was reading was that woman had to be hidden in man and at the right time removed from man. This was to create the circle of relationship between men and women. If woman did not come from man and had the ability to birth all, she would be all powerful over man. “We want male and female to be counterparts, face-to-face equals, each unique and different, distinctive in gender but complementary, and each empowered uniquely…”

How beautiful is that! Like I said, great insights.

Farther in the book, he goes on to say, “It’s simple, Mack. It’s all about relationships and simply sharing life….and being open and available to others around us….life is all about relationships.”

I almost cried when I read this. Ya know, people would always comment on Ole and I and how great we were together. As true as I am writing this, people always noticed the love and the strength in our relationship. And this is exactly what it is all about.

Being open and available to the people around us.

Ole and I were always there for each other. We shared life with each other. When we first met we would talk on the phone at least once a day and sometimes two for an hour at a time. He would call me in Yukon, Canada or I would call him in Denmark. Neither place had any kind of long distance plans but it didn’t matter. It would have been worse to not talk than have the money we spent on phone bills.

And after we were together and married, we were always there for each other. If he needed help with collecting firewood, I would go. It was wonderful being out there with him. If I needed help in my salon, he would come and wash hair and answer phones.

I was learning how to apply fake nails made from linen. I need a hand to practice on. Ole was there for me. It was not a manly thing to do, having false nails put on. But it didn’t bother him. We had more fun doing silly things than I can tell. We were both open to try and experience new things with each other.

There is NOTHING we would not have done for each other.

We had a great relationship because we were available to each other, open and honest and most of all, LOVING. I miss those moments of sharing, exploring, being available and loving. Thank heavens I have my memories.

Just imagine for a minute if your closest friend was never available to you. You didn’t go out to lunch together. She didn’t have time to talk your troubles out or just go have a coffee. He didn’t want to go see a movie with you. It wouldn’t be long and you would be looking for a new friend.

It runs true in relationships also. It doesn’t matter if you have kids or a high power, high pressure job. It doesn’t matter that you both have a million different interests. Couples need to make the time to be available to each other or eventually the relationship goes south.

Maybe that is why there are so many break-ups. Maybe people don’t really want to be available to each other. Then they are not vulnerable and will not be hurt so deeply.

There is nothing on this earth that I loved more than my husband. And I believe he felt the same about me. I miss being available for him. I miss the laughing, hugging, secret smiles, arguing and most of all the love we shared.

The pain in my heart from loosing him runs deeper than I have ever felt before. I will never ‘get over’ this. Just a different life now. I don’t remember who said it but the gist of it was, if you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain you will never be able to feel the joy.

Take the chance to hurt deeply. Allow yourself to be available in your relationships. Life is short. Sharing your life with the person you love is the greatest gift. Jump in with both feet and all your heart.

Passionate regards….Brenda

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