Archive for November, 2009

30th November

Viagra and Sports

I saw the greatest commercial while watching the Grey Cup yesterday. A woman was talking about how much sports her and her husband watch. How they started watching football and hockey and then they began to watch so much sports on TV that they were watching darts.

Then she says ‘Then my husband found Viagra…we don’t watch sports anymore!’

I loved it! It was so honest and I could absolutely relate. Ole and I didn’t watch sports. He didn’t like them and I really only liked watching the CFL when Saskatchewan Rough Riders play. But there were times when we would get involved in a project and loose our perspective, if I can put it that way.

And we heard others tell us that in our couples seminars how everyday life interferes with their love life. They get caught up in kids and jobs and social activies and housework and everything else that a life is built around. Then they forget to make love. They are too tired or preoccupied.

I am not suggesting that Viagra is the answer, although for some it may be. I am saying we have to remember to love that wonderful ‘other’ in our life. We have to take the time to snuggle and kiss and make love. I mean MAKE LOVE, not a quickie 15 minute jump.

When you kiss each other goodbye, do you peck or do you KISS? Do you hold each other and loose yourself in your lover’s eyes and feel the passion in your heart and love muscles? Hold each other for a full 2 or 3 minutes, then release with hearts open and streaming the love that flows between you?

Love is like a delicate plant. We have to feed it and water it and pay attention to it or it will die. It is vulnerable. And it is strong. It is the giver of life and purpose. Love is the MOST amazing feeling there is in this human existence. You can change the world with love. But we must nurture it or it withers, fades and dies.

Be conscious of your love. Do the little things that make this delicate plant grow into a strong and mighty tree with roots that run forever deep and forever long. Take the time to hold each other and say ‘I love you’ with passion and feeling and meaning.

Love is not about sex. Love is about MAKING LOVE. Sex is a part of this but not all of it. Hold your lover. Talk to your lover. Grow your own forest from this one delicate little sprig of love.

‘When you talk you get understanding and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.’    Ole Poulsen 1973 – 2006

Let the peace of understanding grow a magnificent love in your life. There will always be something to do, kids to watch and jobs to go to.

But without love, it is all really very empty.

Passionate regards….Brenda

28th November

Full Hearts

I have been receiving so many emails from different lists I subscribe to about how full their bellies are from Thanksgiving supper. This is the US Thanksgiving as in Canada, we celebrate in October. No matter. But how much focus on the day went into how full are their hearts?

Ole and I really had an amazing connection. That doesn’t mean we didn’t have our arguments and upsets. It means that we always felt how full our hearts were for each other. Sounds sappy doesn’t it but it is the truth.

We had decided early on in our marriage that we would have a book, a little spiral notebook, that we would write down 3 things we were thankful for. It could be anything from the car being washed to a sunny day.

But when we were going through a tough spot with each other, we would write down 3 things we were thankful for with each other. This helped with keeping the love flowing between us even though we were arguing.

This isn’t something we thought of and I am sure you have read this in other places but what we did was different. WE PUT IT INTO PRACTICE! We found we didn’t write much when times were good but when we needed the extra confirmation of our love, we used it.

So back to Thanksgiving…when you were giving thanks for all the great things in your life, did you include thanks for the love of your sweetheart? Did you give thanks for the fact you have a heart and soul connection to each other? Did you give thanks for finding each other in this world of billions of people and possibilities?

Maybe it was more important to think about the food and your full bellies. That’s fine, but now it is time to think about how full-with-love your hearts are for each other. Give thanks and sing praises every day for the love you share. Believe me, your hearts will swell and over flow with a passion for each other you have never felt before.

Being that food is such a focus at Thanksgiving, why not prepare a special dish or dessert that represents all the love you hold for each other. As you eat this delight and gaze lovingly into the eyes of your darling, you will both know there is a deeper meaning…a deeper feeling. There is loved baked right into every bite you take.

This is your secret. You don’t need to share it with the world. But you will share the feelings that flow between your hearts as you eat.

When you feel you want to share more love with your partner at other times of the year, whip up your very own special love potion again. As you share in the food you will share in those full-heart feelings.

To full hearts and full bellies, I give thanks for being here to share in the love. I give thanks for you in this sharing of love.

Most of all, I give thanks that I had Ole, our love and his wisdom in my life.

Brenda and Ole Poulsen

Brenda and Ole Poulsen

Passionate regards….Brenda

23rd November

Why don’t you just KNOW?

I read a blog post today that really got me thinking. It is Colin Daymude’s Blog with the post How do you know you are getting your message accross? 

I immediately thought of the many times Ole and I would listen to couples talk about some of the difficulties they were having and this is one of them we heard often. They just EXPECT their partner of however many months or years to ‘just know’ what they are thinking, wanting, and anticipating. When the partner doesn’t deliver the desired response, the fight is on.

As a general rule, people are not mind readers. Absolutely we can anticipate a desire or thought that someone close to us may have and act on it. Then they are so impressed because you ‘just knew’ what they wanted. But that does take work and being present in the moment and learning this other person.

Then the next time we don’t respond as expected, tempers flare and that loving feeling gets thrown out with the bath water. Our expectations are so high in relationships that many times we are disappointed because the other person was not ‘in the know’ with their lover.

Early on in our relationship I learned that just because Ole didn’t know I wanted a cookie when he went to the kitchen didn’t mean he loved me less. If I didn’t tell him I wanted a cookie, why would he think I did?

We make up stupid little tests in our minds to see how much the other person loves us. Then when they fail it is because they don’t love you ENOUGH. Which in turn just adds another brick to the wall people tend to build around themselves when they are disappointed. With each disappointment comes another brick. In no time we have a fortress built and the relationship crumbles. Which in turn, reaffirms that they just didn’t love you enough.

Vicious cycle to say the least.

We have been taught to not ask for what we want. When we were children, we learn it is impolite to ask for the cookie when we visit. We must wait for the cookie to be offered or given to us.

That doesn’t work in relationships. Any relationships. Tell the other person what you want, expect and desire. Then they can tell you if they can grant your request or not. You have put yourself out there clear and concise. No guessing involved. No unintentionally hurt feelings. No misunderstandings.

Ole was a very wise man. I learned so much from him and I am never-ending proud of his ideas and wisom. He had a saying…

‘When you talk, you get understanding and understanding is peace. When you don’t talk, you get misunderstanding and misunderstanding is fear.’ – Ole Poulsen 1973-2006

Yes it is really a simple idea but VERY POWERFUL in relationships. Think of how many misunderstandings could have been avoided if we just took the time to talk and find peace.

Passionate regards…Brenda

19th November

Trust Is the Foundation

“Trust is the basis of harmony…the basis of friendship”. The Dalai Lama said this at Engage Today 2009. Do you think that’s true?

Ole and I had a REALLY special relationship. People would make comments about our relationship all the time. But I will tell you…the foundation of our relationship was TRUST.

We owned a hair salon for a few years just outside Calgary, AB. This particular day, Ole was in the shop and I had clients I was working on as well as people that were walking in to make appointments. Ole was helping with the phone and talking to the walk-ins.

One of the women in the shop was watching him while I was busy with another client. She was waiting for her color to finish processing and was just observing the activities in the salon.

Then Ole had to step out for a minute and she said to me, “He doesn’t even SEE the other women. He looks at them but no different than he looks at anyone else. Then he looks at you….you are so lucky.”

She continued, “He loves you so much. He would NEVER stray from you.”

She was absolutely right on both observations. I was blessed with a man like Ole. And I KNEW he would NEVER cheat on me. And he KNEW the same about me. He was the only man in my life. The only man I wanted.

I never felt jealous when Ole talked with women or worried that they were younger, prettier, smarter, more successful or any other reason why his eyes may wander. We trusted each other. That was our foundation.

Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing. And that goes for ANY relationship. If you can’t trust your friend to keep their word, how often will you turn to that person for help or to keep your secret? I would guess, not very often.

In a relationship you have to have a strong foundation, one that is built on trust. You don’t build a house from the roof down. You dig the basement and lay the foundation to make the house strong to be able to last over the years of sun and rain and storms and to keep your family safe.

I know it is a common analogy but it is the truth. Trust is the foundation to build all your relationships on.

I da’ know…I mean I am guessing here but perhaps, maybe, is that why divorce rates are so high? Just a guess is all.

Building on trust will give you security, friendship, and peace of mind. Makes sense to start building your relationship there doesn’t it?

Trust is the foundation to a great relationship.

Trust me !-)

Passionate Regards…Brenda

10th November

Reactions and regrets

Some days I just want to crawl into a hole 🙁

Okay…have you ever been in the situation where something happens or someone says something and you react without thinking? Just jump right in and stick both feet in your mouth. Then kick yourself in the ass for a couple days after.

I think most people can relate to this. Especially when it comes to the person you are closest to.  Maybe it’s your lover, your best friend, or your family. And I am sure, if you are human, you have said or reacted to a stranger in a not-so-acceptable fashion also.

I am not judging or saying that these actions are okay. Like I said, I do it too. We are human and there is more than meets the eye at times.

I know with myself I tend to jump before I think when my mind is cluttered. I am thinking about the bills, my dogs, my Mom, my dead husband, my strange family and the list goes on.

I know there were times with Ole that I jumped before I thought. And that is my biggest regret. Of course we talked after the fact. We always talked and resolved our issues. And we talked more in the hospital about these times too, but I didn’t get more time to show him I meant what I said. That I was sorry for my actions. I didn’t get more time to show him how much I loved him and how important he was to me.

That is difficult to live with some days. Then I have to let it go. Hope that I won’t make the same insensitive mistakes with other people in my life. And sometimes I still do. My mind still gets cluttered with everyday thoughts and worries.

Then I think, how can I handle this situation better next time? What can I do to not be an ass and react in a more loving manner? How can I handle this situation without anger, yelling, closing down, feeling out of control and powerless?

This is what helped for Ole and me…

Take a minute and if you need to, walk away. Tell the other person you will talk to them in 10, 20 minutes. Take the time you need to collect yourself and your thoughts. THEN you can be more rational, respectful, kind and loving in your responses. Make sure you go back after the 10, 20 minutes and talk.

When Ole and I had issues (OK arguments…ya happy?), I would just tell him I could not talk to him right now. I would be fuming inside but I KNEW if I started talking then I would say something nasty and definitely regret it later.

We would sit down after 30 minutes or so and talk. I am not saying I would not still be angry but I WAS more calm and collected. I was very much in the moment and my thinking was only on the issue at hand.

Regrets…they are tough to let go of. But if we hold on to them, we can never move out of that spot. We can never find that better way to defuse a situation. The only thing we can do is learn from them and work on a better solution and mode of response the next time.

I hope this will open a door of new opportunities in communicating with the people around you. It really is amazing that when you come from a place of calmness and love, the resolution is so much easier.

Passionate regards….Brenda

9th November

I had a dream….a dream of love

I had the best dream last night. There were three men in my dream. My husband was one. It was wonderful to see and talk with him. I have noticed in the past few nights when I dream about Ole that he comes in a disguise. But I always know it was him when I wake up. I love dreaming about him.

The other two men were lovers from my past. They were wonderful men. Full of life and everything that comes with it. Both of them always held a special place in my heart.

I did love them but the difference between them and my husband was that I was IN LOVE with my husband. I wanted to spend every moment of every day with Ole and more. The other two…yes I loved them but was not ‘in love’ with them.

People get so whacked out of shape about saying ‘I love you’. I tell the people at the 24/7 care facility where I work ‘I love you’ and hug them all the time. Maybe they don’t actually understand the meaning of the words but they understand the feeling behind them.

And most of the people I work with don’t like that I tell them this and hug them. They say we are not their family or friends. We are there to help them with their daily lives.

My colleagues are right. I am not family or, by definition, a friend.

But I tell them because it is important for everyone to feel the love that comes through by saying those 3 little words. It is important because it make the receiver feel special and cared for and that they matter to someone.

Again, maybe they don’t understand the actual meaning but they can FEEL what is being said. Their faces light up and they smile the biggest smiles. They hug me and the love comes right back.  

Am I IN LOVE with them? No. But they hold a very special place in my heart and will forever, even after I’m not there to hug them and tell them ‘I love you’. Isn’t being loved part of helping someone through the day?

Do you understand what I am saying? Be bold today and tell someone you love them. Even if it shocks them, do it anyway. Then hug them and let them know they hold a special place in your heart.

EVERYONE needs to be loved. People are happier. People are healthier. Scientific facts! The more hugs a person receives the happier and healthier they are. This goes for all people no matter their level of understanding, age or status in life.  

Tell a special someone you love them and see their face light up.

I love YOU!

Passionate regards….Brenda

3rd November

Puppy Size

My dear sister-in-law sent me an email the other day. I don’t know where the story came from or who wrote it but I thought it definitely deserved to be passed on.

‘Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We’ve been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now, since we started all of this,’ the mother told the volunteer.

‘What is it she keeps asking for?’ the volunteer asked.

‘PUPPY SIZE!’ replied the mother.

‘Well we have plenty of puppies if that is what she is looking for.’

‘I know. We have seen most of them,’ the mom said in frustration.

Just then Danielle came walking into the office.

‘Well did you find one?’ asked her mother.

‘No,not this time,’ Danielle said with sadnesss in her voice. ‘Can we come back on the weekend?’

The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed.

‘You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately there is always a supply,’ the volunteer said.

Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. ‘Don’t worry, I will find one this weekend,’ Danielle said.

Over the next few days both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. ‘It’s this weekend or we’re not looking anymore,’ Dad finally said in frustration.

‘We don’t want to hear anything more about puppy size either,’ Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones at the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she went right for the section that housed the smaller dogs.

Tired of the routine, Mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren’t permitted.

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, ‘Sorry but you’re not the one.’

It was the last cage on the last day in search for the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it close. This time she took a little longer.

‘Mom! I found him! I just know he is the one! I know it!’ she screamed with joy. ‘It’s the puppy size!’

‘But it’s the same size of all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,’ Mom said.

‘No not size…SIGHS. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,’ she said. ‘Don’t you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!’

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.

‘Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,’ she said. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, ‘Mom. I KNOW he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart.’

If anyone knows who wrote this I would be so grateful to know and put a name to this wonderful story.

For now, just think about the love-lessons you learned from a child.

Passionate regards….Brenda

1st November

Number 1

Welcome! This is my first EVER blog post. This is Number 1. I want to make this blog memorable and meaningful to you and your love life. I want to deliver top quality information so YOU will feel that this blog is Number 1.

I am pumped and ready to seduce you into a loving and joyous life with your partner of choice. If you have questions about bringing more love into your life, please feel free to let me know. You are important to me and you, my dear lovers and readers, are Number 1 to me.

Which brings me to a question for you. Who is your Number 1? Who do you dream of and get butterflies in your belly when you think about them or see them?  Who lights your fires of desire?

Do you show this dream lover how much they mean to you? Or do you just think about it and go on with your day without saying a word? Do you let them know that they are your Number 1?

Life today is so fast paced. Sometimes we just ‘expect’ our lover to KNOW that we care, desire, want, enjoy, and love them. Then we forget to tell that wonderful man or woman how much they mean to us today, tomorrow and yesterday.

We forget to say thank you for cleaning up after me. Thank you for picking up the kids. Thank you for being here and loving me. Thank you for being you.

We all want to be acknowledged and appreciated. It is a natural human desire. When we appreciate what our lover does for us or just appreciate them for being who they are, your world shifts. You come into harmony with each other because you have acknowledged them from your heart with appreciation for who they are and the things they do.

Trust me. The more you say Thank You to your lover, the sweeter your home life becomes.

Passionate regards….Brenda

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