Do you remember when you were in the begining of your relationship? Do you remember how important it was to put your Best YOU forward? How important it was to attract that special someone into all areas of your life?

What about now after 3 years into the relationship? Or 10 years? Or 30 years? Do you still put your Best YOU forward?

When we find a special person that we would like to draw into our lives we go out of our way to be more attractive. We wear the pretty clothes…and this goes for both men and women. We make sure our hair sits just right and looks soft and touchable. We take extra special time with our apprearance. We may even start exercising or add extra workouts to our fitness plan.

But it doesn’t stop there. When we are doing our best to be attractive we make allowances in several areas. For instance, you may not really enjoy Monster Trucks but that new man in your life would love to share his enthusiasm for them with you. So of course you tag along and smile, laugh, scream and get involved in the show. Am I right?

Or perhaps, you are not so thrilled about shopping but your new lovely lady wants to get your opinion on a dress. She has several in mind if you would just come and have a look with her. You have sat on many ‘Man Chairs’ (that’s what I call the chairs some clothing stores have outside the fitting rooms), looked at too many dresses to count, and all you can think of is how beautiful she looked in each of them.

Let’s fast forward 3 years…in both of these scenerios the outcome will possibly be very different.

“Monster Trucks! Are you crazy? Why don’t you call Steve and I will stay home and read?”

“Shopping! Not again. You try on so many dresses and they all look the same. I have a lot of things to do around here ya know. Can’t you just go by yourself?”

I may be exagreating this a little but I wanted you to understand my point. When we are trying to attract that new love into our lives, we will bend over backwards to be more attractive and accommodating. This means taking extra time for our physical appreance and making time to spend with each other even if it is a less than desirable event.

Ole and I did the same. I had a much smaller waist when I was enticing him into my lair than I did when he died. I was much more aware of how my makeup was done or what clothes I put on than after we were married a few years.

We always liked to be together and most of the time it didn’t matter where we went. So that part didn’t change much. But there were times I was not interested for sure.

Like Monster Trucks…they got old real fast after we were married.

Ole put his foot down too. He was not interested in going out looking around in the stores. Ole was not a shopper.

As I read a blurb on Facebook that prompted this rant today, I started to think about Ole and me. Some days I would pull my hair up and no makeup, old frumpy clothes…not a pretty sight in my eyes but still did it. Why? Because I got lazy.

Why do we take so much time to put our Best Selves forward in the attracting stage of a relationship but then forget it after? Why is it not so important to do things together later in our relationship?

The fact is, IT IS IMPORTANT! I am not sure what happens in the human mind that lets us believe we have hooked the big fish and now we can relax. Maybe it does come down to just being lazy. I can’t say for sure.

But I do know that when you don’t put your Best YOU forward, it affects everything from your own self esteme to your relationship with your lover.

Go back a couple paragraphs where I wrote about getting lazy and I didn’t think I looked good…do you think I projected that thought out in our relationship? YOU BET I DID! Do you think I felt like Ole was attraced to me on those days I looked lke that? NOT A CHANCE!

Feeling and being attractive comes from the inside of you. It is not how you look on the outside or how you hair sits or what clothes you wear. It comes from the smile that you flash at your lover that says ‘Honey, I’m hot and you know it!’ while you are painting the fence in your old baggy clothes and your hair is streaked with sweat and paint. But not many people are lucky enough to know that about themselves.

So what do you do?

Don’t allow yourself to get lazy. Pretend each day that this is just the beginning of your relationship. Remember the little things you did to attract that wonderful person into your life and start doing those things again. Talk about heating up the kitchen! You will find a renewed spark in yourself, your lover and your relationship.

BE BOLD!

PUT YOUR BEST YOU FORWARD!

Passionate regards….Brenda

EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG! Everything is falling apart! I must say I am forever grateful that I was able to get on my computer today to write this. Thank you to the computer gods for shining on me today. I have not been lazy. But my computer has a mind of his own this past month or so.

This is my life this past month…I have been having pc troubles like you can not imagine. If I can open the computer at all, I am never sure how long it will be before the blue screen of computing death pops up.

My computer is 10 years old and is having trouble computing. I have known that eventually I will need a new one but hoped it would be a day ‘down the road’. I am now standing on that part of the road.

And my car is really showing his age too. My car is Buddy. That is why I will refer to it as ‘him’. I have an 1987 Volvo station car. I love him. I feel like I am driving a real car when I sit in him. He is heavy, hugs the road and rolls along so smooth and wonderful.

But he is also wanting to retire. It is me that is not willing to part with him. I now have two back doors that will not open unless I crawl in the car to open them. I know I will have to let him go soon.

Also, I need 2 new doors for my house plus other work. These are very high ticket items for me because I tell ya, living in Denmark is not cheap. The list goes on but you get the idea. It wouldn’t be so bad maybe if it didn’t all seem to come at once.

Ole and I were always lucky that when one of us was feeling like the world was falling apart, the other was able to see and think more clear. The one of us that was on top of the wave was able to help pull the other back up. Then the waters would be calm again untill the next storm.

What about you? When troubles hit in your house do you and your partner both fall into them or are you able to lean on each other to support the one that is less sturdy?

It is important in a relationship to have the support from your lover. And this goes for everything in life. Whether it is a problem or a celebration. Knowing that you have that special someone there to share EVERYTHING with makes life better.

Knowing that if you think the sun has stopped shining on your life that there is that person that stands beside you to help you see that it is only a little cloud coverage. And maybe sometimes it is a full blown hurricane but there is that strong arm around you that is supporting your weight so that you can continue to walk forward.

Read that again…I said SUPPORTING you, not holding you up. We all need to walk on our own. We all need to get through our cloudy days or stormy weather. Having the support and encouragement of your partner gives you another perspective of the situation and the energy to keep moving on.

There are so many things I would love to hear what Ole would say about them. I have little conversations in my head with him and imagine what his answers would be. It helps. It is not ideal but it gets me up and going. It helps to get me to keep moving forward.

Be the Support Beam Team with each other in your house of love. When there is one hand reaching out to help lift up the other that has momentarily fallen, it makes it SO MUCH EASIER to stand again. Then you can stand strong together, arm in arm, and yell….

In love and honour, in joy and disappointment, in sickness and in health, by standing strong with your arms around each other, knowing you are creating a stronger Support Beam Team, you can achieve great things in your life together and over come any dissapointments and sorrows.

Passionate regards….Brenda

I am so happy to be back. I feel like I have been so disconnected. I don’t ever want that to happen again.

I had some troubles posting a new post here…I couldn’t. Luckily I had some great advice from a couple people and nothing can stop me now.

When I started thinking about this post I thought this is a great thing to talk about for couples…feeling disconnected. I think it happens at some point in time to many couples. The trick is, what do you do to get that connection with your lover back?

Being disconnected can happen at any time and for many reasons. I know in our second year I went through a period of feeling very un-sexy. I felt like I was not pretty or feminine. I felt out of sorts with myself which in turn reflected on my relationship with Ole.

He was becoming more frustrated because he tried every way he could to convince me that I WAS sexy, beautiful, feminine and that he desired and loved me. He tried so hard to make me feel and see what he did.

It wasn’t easy. Just because Ole felt I was desirable and pretty didn’t help the way I felt about myself. And that was where the real problem was.

I had to find that part of ME again. That part of ME that felt flirty and sexy. That part of ME when I looked in the mirror and thought I LOOKED GOOD!

This affected both of us for a few months. It was a challenge for me to find my way back. And it was a challenge for Ole because he always only wanted the best for me.

But I was able to get my groove back. The way I did it was I took time for me. I pampered myself with bubbles and body rubs…provided by Ole of course. I took time to read for fun not just to learn something. I took time to have meaningful conversations with the Brenda inside.

The conversations I had were about what I wanted from my marriage. What I wanted to give to my marriage. What I wanted to preserve or grow inside of ME that was separate from my relationship with Ole but that would build a stronger connection WITH him.

Also, I had allowed myself to slip into a Lazy Me. I was not wearing pretty, feminine clothes. Mostly because we spent a lot of time at home together. Why dress up? Lazy Me!

I had allowed myself to not put on makeup. Now for some women that is not important but makeup has always been a part of my sexy, pretty self. Lazy Me!

Plus, I got really wrapped up in what Ole wanted. I forgot about what I wanted and enjoyed. Ole would get really nervous when we would go out shopping. He thought that meant spending money and possibly a lot of money. Spending ANY money (that we didn’t have) was very stressful for him.

But shopping to me meant just going out and having a look in the shops. Maybe try on some new clothes. That didn’t mean I was going to buy them.

So to keep the peace and not have him get upset, I chose to stay home or do something else that did not include ‘shopping’. I lost another chunk of myself.

After my soul searching it was easier to find out what I needed to be me, the ME that Ole fell in love with, the ME that I loved. Then I moved forward and began to set the missing pieces of my inner puzzle together again. Which in turn made the connection between Ole and I stronger because I was stronger inside of ME.

I challenge you to find your missing pieces if there are any, and place them back into your puzzle. Rebuild that Amazing You into a new and improved design of yourself.

Rebuild that loving connection with YOUR INNER YOU and in-turn that loving connection with that special someone in your life will also become stronger.

I love being back and CONNECTING with YOU.

xoxoxoxoxo HUGS FOR EVERYONE xoxoxoxox

Passionate regards….Brenda

I really want to apologise. I have been having some real computer troubles and just want you to know that I Am Not Ignoring You.

I appreciate that you take the time to read my posts and for all your wonderful comments. I am doing all that I can to get this blog up to speed so you can subscribe by email.

As I started to write this I got to thinking about how often this same thing happened with Ole and I. You know, one person gets caught up in an idea, person or life experience and the other half of the happy couple feels a little left out.

I know I have felt that way with Ole sometimes when he would be focused on a project. I would feel a little left out and ignored. Understand now that this is NOT jealousy. I was not jealous of the other person or project Ole was spending time with. But sometimes I was just feeling a little left out of the in-crowd.

Then there were times when I would get into reading a really good book. Poor Ole would be eating breakfast in silence and I was flipping pages. I would read when I came home from work. I can tell you, he was very happy when my book was finished.

As we grew in our marriage, we both found better ways to channel our feelings. Plus, I realised that Ole did not do this intentionally to hurt me. I knew, with all my heart, that Ole would NEVER do something so childish just to be mean. He was the MOST kind and gentle man I have EVER known. And I would not have hurt him for the world either.

But there are times in every persons life that something will take precedence over everything else. I am not saying this is good or bad but just that it happens.

And sometimes when the left-out partner gets a little testy, the fur can fly. Which does not help the situation.

So just be aware of your own actions. If you get deep into a project and your lover brings it up that they are feeling a little lonely, take them in your arms and let them know how important they really are to you.

I hope you can feel the hugs I am giving you right now because you are important to me. I want to help as many people have the most amazing relationship like Ole and I had.

I am not ignoring you. I am just working to make our relationship and time that we spend together the best it can be.

I hope you will do the same for the relationships that are important to you.

Passionate regards….Brenda

People get really nervous at the thought of changes in their lives. Who would I be if I changed this and that about myself? How would other people react to me after I change? What else will change in my life if I …? Why should I change? If the other person would only change then things would be much better.

We heard this in our seminars and many times when I was a hairdresser. I had clients tell me that their future husband will change. They know their man won’t drink so much, hit them anymore, stop screwing around with other people after the wedding. They know their future wife will get better handling money, quite being so angry, treat them better after they are married.

What a load of hogwash. Just because a person gets married does not mean they WILL change. Marriage does not wash a couple in magic dust and proclaim, “Now you are husband and wife. You will drop all your bad, annoying, nasty, unfaithful habits and live happily-ever-after.”

I told my clients straight out that there was no way this person was going to become their ideal mate just because you will have the big white wedding. If nothing else, the habits will show up more.

Ole and I always taught the people at our seminars that if the love in your relationship hurts, maybe you are not in the right relationship. We didn’t mean these people should split up but they did have a choice.

As a couple, they could choose to work on the dark side of themselves and become a more loving partner to each other or they could talk about the consequences of staying the same as they are now.

Of course there were things both Ole and I wanted the other to change when we got married. Some things were small and some things not so small. For instance, I hate when someone chews with their mouth open. Drives me crazy. And Ole would do that. He was loving enough and could see this could turn into a REAL issue if he continued, so he quit. Thank heavens

It drove him crazy I could not focus on one topic for very long. When we would be working on something, I would think of something else and jump up to go do it. It could have been the laundry, make a cake, call a friend. He would get so upset with me that I would not just do the work at hand.

I made a concentrated effort to focus myself on whatever project we were working on at the moment. Even if that meant we agreed to a specific amount of time we would work,  I was committed to the project and him. I was willing to change to have a better life with Ole.

I have seen some of these silly reality shows where they do some big transformation of a person and take them from a street urchin to a princess. What I always found strange was that there were so many that said “I am not changing for anyone. If they don’t like me, too bad for them.” Why did they come on this show then if they didn’t want to change?

When it comes to bettering yourself and especially a change that could make your relationship more peaceful and loving, why wouldn’t you change?

Change has a bad reputation. People are afraid of change because they don’t know what will happen next. But what if the changes bring more love, peace and joy in your relationship. Wasn’t it worth it?

I was reading my journal from when we were first married. I laughed at the silly little things we did and thought about how much we both had changed in our 9 years together. We always looked for ways to grow personally and together as a couple. 

Embrace the changes in yourself. There is a certain excitement that comes with those changes. Be the best you can be! As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

And remember, this is VERY important, You Only Have the Power To Change Yourself and No One Else.

Go for it!

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOUR WORLD!

Passionate regards….Brenda

I have found the most wonderful website. Mindy Maudlin has created a place called the ”What If Up Club”. She talks about playing the “What If” game but instead of thinking the worst, she asks you to think about what is the BEST you could imagine. This is “What If Upping”.

It is a wonderful game. I have played it for most my life. Sitting around with friends or family and asking, “What If?” Ole and I would play it when we would drive some place.

• What If money weren’t an issue, what kind of car would you buy and why?
• What If you could live any place in the world, where would it be and why?
• What If you could have any job in the world, what would you do and why?
• What If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would it be and why?
• What If you could make love any place in the world, where would it be and why?

I mean, the list of ‘What If’ questions is a mile long and the conversations that would spring from one question was always a mind opener because we both saw and imagined something different.

We would talk, laugh and explore one fantasy after another. We played it a lot. Sometimes we would be snuggling on the couch and start the game of ‘what if’. Time would fly and we were having fun.

You might be thinking how cute, or how silly, but it is a useful tool. People in business play this game all the time. They try and look at different possibilities or solutions to different problems, products, and advertising. From the amount of consumerism, I would say it works wonders for them.

But I got to thinking, you can definitely use this in your relationship too:

• What if you could have the best possible relationship ever? What would it look like to you…to your partner?
• What if you and your partner could talk about everything openly and honestly without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
• What if you both could talk about what you want from your relationship and each other?
• What if you could share ALL your hopes, dreams and fears without fear of being judged or abused in any form?
• What if you could ask for emotional, physical and spiritual support from your partner?
• What if you could sit together and imagine your best relationship ever?

These are just a FEW of the ways you could play the “What If Up” game in your relationship. When you start playing, you will be able to come up with so many more topics of interest to explore and imagine together to make your Best Relationship Ever come true.

Just playing this game is a first step in that direction. You are opening up your creative minds and exploring other possibilities on many, many topics. As well, you are communicating your wants and needs emotionally, physically and spiritually.

This opens a whole new door in your relationship. You learn to playfully talk with each other about your deepest desires, feelings and needs without pressure on either of you. You get to communicate with your lover on a whole different level.

You get to learn about each other in a different way.

Not only is this fun but you will hear things about your lover that he may not have talked about before. Because this is a game, there is no pressure to say the right thing and there are no expectations. There is no fear that you will say something that will disappoint your sweetheart. It is just a game.

Be adventurous and play the “What If Up” game with your lover. This is for fun. This is to come closer together. This is to connect to each other with out expectations or fear.

So…What If you could have the BEST RELATIONSHIP EVER? What would it look like?

Passionate regards….Brenda

When you think about planning a Romantic Getaway, what do think about? Soft music, candle light, fireplace, exotic retreats?

That is the standards I guess for Romantic Getaways, but have you ever thought about Monster Trucks, skydiving, drive-in movie? Most people don’t think about these as Romantic Getaways but they can make the candle light and soft music seem lame in comparison.

Like I have said before, you wouldn’t take a person that hates fishing on a fishing trip. But sometimes, we design these enchanting moments to reflect OUR desires and that which could be pleasing, enjoyable and sexy to our partner.

But have you ever thought about what your partner finds REALLY EXCITING? Maybe your man has always wanted to go up in a hot air balloon but never has for various reasons. How thrilled would he be if you bought him a trip and said you would pick him up at the other end. Greet him with a picnic basket and a blanket where you can lounge and hear all about his experience. How HOT would he think you are? SMOKIN’!

Maybe that wonderful lady in your life has always wanted someone to come in and organise her kitchen or learn to play a guitar. But she has never pursued it for whatever reasons. Would you be the best boy on the block if you made this little dream come true? ABSOLUTELY! You would be smothered with kisses.

Think about when you have done something really exciting. You were filled with life and energy. You felt great and invincible. And you couldn’t wait to get home to your lover and tell him all about this moment you just had. You just wanted to hug and kiss him because you were filled with this amazing feeling and wanted to share it.

We are so conditioned to think of romance as soft and intimate and that it involves sitting across from each other holding hands while you talk in hushed tones and look longingly into each other’s eyes. 

But it is SO much more.

Unselfish acts of kindness are extremely romantic.

Think about how romantic it is when a person goes to a homeless shelter and helps in the kitchen. Think about how romantic it is when a person goes to a convalescent home and talks with the people that live there just to brighten their day. Think about how romantic it is when you lover offers to babysit for a friend so they can go out for a romantic dinner alone.

These are ALL Romantic Getaways. Not in the traditional sense but there is a romantic energy that flows through them. And you would look at your lover in a more romantic and loving way when you hear what they did. When you see them talking with people that just need a friend.

When Ole was in the hospital and should start his chemo, I was so beside myself. There was no way I could have went home and left him there. I slept in a chair beside his bed and held his hand or had my foot resting against his leg. I needed to know he was there and that I was there for him if he needed anything.

When he woke up the next day after that first night of chemo, he looked at me and asked if I had been there all night. I said of course I had. He smiled the softest smile and said, “How romantic.”  There were no candles or soft music but there was so much romance and love in that room it could have filled a million restaurants in Paris.

In fact, I didn’t go home until Ole did. The hospital brought a bed into his room and let me stay with him the whole week. Was this a Romantic Getaway that we would have dreamed of having with each other? I think not. But there was a thread of romance through it in a tragic and sad way. That week was extremely intimate and so much love flowed between us on deeper levels.

Now I am not saying to give up the candle light dinners for a soup kitchen. But once in a while it would bring more adventure, more spice, more dimension into your relationship.

We get caught in conditioned thinking not just in our relationships but our lives. We get caught in someone else’s thoughts and ideas what something should or shouldn’t look like, feel like, be like.

Put on your romantic thinking caps and see if you can’t explore the idea of Romantic Getaways from a totally new perspective. The connection you and your lover will experience will be deeper, more joyful and more loving.

Passionate regards….Brenda

How many of you have ever felt lonely and yet you were in a relationship? I know I have felt that. It was desperate times I tell ya. I think there are more people than will admit that they have felt lonely in love.

I just watched a fascinating interview that Brian Vaszily had with Dr. John Cacioppo who is the Director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at The University of Chicago. Loneliness is crippling our lives, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Dr. Cacioppo talked about how our physical body reacts to feeling lonely, how our social contacts react to our loneliness and what the symptoms and causes of being lonely are. It was an eye opener!

I saw myself in his descriptions. I saw family members in his words. Loneliness is a ‘silent killer’  as Brian put it. It can physically effect you and it can kill your relationship too.

When I was living with this old fart, the longer the relationship went on, the more lonely I became. I withdrew from my friends and social circles. I tried so hard to be connected to this man. But for whatever reason, there was just more space put between us with each day that passed. 

I can remember many times after we would have sex that I would turn over and cry into my pillow. I can’t say we made love because there was no love there. It was a very controlling and mentally abusive relationship. After sex I felt even more empty and lonely that I did before.

But I learned today from watching this interview what happened inside me. I learned more about what I was actually experiencing and why I felt like I did.

In that relationship, I did not feel secure in the fact that I could share my feelings with this man. I could not share my fears, beliefs or goals with him because he would have made fun of me, wouldn’t listen or become angry and abusive. There was no connection on any level so I guess I really have to count myself lucky I saw this early on and left.

That was NOT the case with Ole. We talked about EVERYTHING. There was nothing we would not have said to each other. He knew my deepest fears and desires and I knew his. The quality of our connection is what made our relationship so amazing.

Ole had such a gentle way about him. He got me to open parts of myself that I had never opened before with ANYONE. Ole got me to open my heart fully like I had never done before. I felt safe with Ole. I felt secure with Ole. I FELT LOVE WITH OLE.

After Ole died, there were many people that offered to come over to watch TV with me or just sit with me so I was not lonely. The odd thing was, I wasn’t lonely. BUT I was lonely for Ole.

I was lonely for the connection we had. I was lonely for the feeling I got being with him. I was lonely for his touch, his smell, his voice.

That  sounds kind of contradictory but it’s not. I have never been a lonely type person EVER in my life. I have always been very comfortable in my skin and with who I am. I think that is why being lonely in that past relationship was so hard. I didn’t understand this feeling of being lonely let alone in a relationship.

Then, when I met Ole, I absolutely felt complete. I felt like the bit of me that wasn’t there before, that bit I never knew was missing, had been found. I LOVED to be with Ole. I LOVED talking with him about the deeper questions in life as well as the frivolous daily banter. There was nothing off limits with Ole. 

So when Ole died, a part of ME died also. And I was lonely for that part. I still am but I am learning to live and cope with each new day as every day is the same, but yet, still different.

Being lonely in love is the worst feeling. I really don’t have any set answer for this problem only that you know what feels good for you and you should focus and act on that feeling.

I just knew, that if I stayed in that past relationship I would have physically died. My loneliness was killing me. I could feel that in my heart.

I would recommend this interview to everyone. Not only for yourself but for those around you that may need some help to feel that quality, personal connection to help erase their loneliness.

Here is the link  http://www.intenseexperiences.com/loneliness-help.html

Passionate regards….Brenda

I was listening to a Joe Vitale program today and he said “Money likes speed.” Meaning that the quicker you act on your ideas, the more money you will generate.

But I got to thinking, does love like speed? I don’t know why I thought that but figured I will quickly act on my idea as Joe says.

Does Love like speed? I am a firm believer in love at first sight. I absolutely believe that there are couples from the very moment they met, they knew they were going to be together forever.

I know couples that went out for a VERY short period of time and decided to get married. My Mom and Dad for instance. They knew each other for only 6 weeks when Dad proposed to Mom. She said yes and he went off to the Navy in WW2. They got married a year later.

But I have also known couples that rushed into the whole-meal-deal and were divorced just as quick. So I guess I could ask myself, does divorce like speed. From what I have heard, the quicker the better.

I think Love is LIKE speed more than saying DOES it like speed. When you first fall in love the world is wonderful. There is nothing wrong and everything is right in your universe. The trees are greener. The birds sing louder. The colors are brighter. All is right in the world.

It really is like you are on a natural high. I am by far no scientist but I am sure there have been studies testing the chemical releases and all that happens in your mind and body when a person is new in love.

That first time when Ole told me “I love you”…WOW! Nothing else mattered in my world. The building could have collapsed around me and I would have just been happy to be there. Life was glorious. Fantastic! SUPER DELICIOUS!

Did we have a speedy courtship? I guess by some people’s standards we did. But looking back at our life we didn’t sit on the fence too long with anything. If we wanted to do, create, try or learn something, we just went out and did it.

But I remember the day we decided to get married. We were sitting on a tree at the beach and talking about what to do next in our lives. Should we stay in Denmark? Should we go back to Canada? And we also had to consider immigration laws? We decided, marriage. We knew we wanted to be together so that would be best.

That was a Wednesday.

We talked about when we should do this and thought Friday was a good day. Yes! Two days. We could call the mayor and see if we could set it up. Sounded good to us.

We went back to Ole’s parents to tell them. I could not even go in with Ole as I am a bit of a chicken at times. I didn’t understand Danish AT ALL then and could only read the body language. I didn’t want to read anything that wasn’t there so I opted to clean the car while Ole talked with his parents.

When Ole came out he was smiling the biggest smile. He said he talked to them and told them our plans. They thought maybe we were rushing things but Ole said no, this is what we want. They wanted to get the church booked and plan a wedding. Ole said no, we want to get married in 2 days by the mayor. I don’t think Ole’s parents knew what hit them when I came into Ole’s life!

We couldn’t get married on Friday because the mayor was busy so we had to wait until Monday, 11am. Perfect!

We told Ole’s family and his friends suspected we might be talking about getting married but we never really said anything to them until the day before. Ole’s mom and dad were there for the ceremony. It was wonderful!

When we went back to the farm, we were going to go back to work that afternoon. Ole’s parents had a tree farm and we worked with them. They said we couldn’t get married and go back to work. We should take the day and make it special.

We had lunch with the other workers and then went to see Egeskov Castle. When we came home later we went out for an amazing dinner with Ole’s family.

There was no one from my family there as it was a quick wedding and they were all in Canada. But that was okay too. I wore my Dad’s officer jacket from the Navy. So I knew he was there in spirit. And of course the family sent wonderful emails and phone calls wishing us well.

That was 12 years ago. Tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary. I am missing my handsome husband more than I can say. If we didn’t use speed to our advantage in our short time together, maybe it would have even been shorter yet.

Does love like speed? It goes both ways. It is different for each individual and couple. But I KNOW for certain that life can speed by before you know it and it is over.

“There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.” – George Sand

Here’s to SPEED!

Passionate regards….Brenda

When was the last time you challenged yourself? Maybe it was to accomplish a goal by a certain date or to achieve something great in sports. Maybe you wanted to learn something new and challenged yourself to do it?

Let me ask you this, when was the last time you challenged yourself to DO better, BE better in your relationship?

We focus so much on our outer world; our jobs, sports, hobbies, school, families. Sometimes our intimate relationships get pushed to the bottom of the list. We forget that our relationship with our wonderful other is one of our greatest challenges and achievements.

Ole and I were on a constant quest to learn more about how to have a great marriage. No we didn’t have kids to take care of but that doesn’t mean we had a lot of free time. But we still found the time to explore and learn to bring MORE into our marriage.

We challenged ourselves to be the best we could be in our marriage. And this meant learning about each other and relationships. We were very proud of the fact that people ALWAYS commented on what a loving relationship we had. But we also put a lot of work into our relationship too.

There are so many couples that don’t make it. I just wonder if they would have challenged themselves to BE more, DO more with each other, would they still decide to split up?

I believe that we focus on so much outside ourselves that we forget to focus on what is most important and just hope it will run on autopilot. We set financial, physical,  job related challenges and goals and we leave the most important part of our life, our relationship, to flow as best it can with little or no guidance.

How often do you hear anyone talking about they are setting a goal to learn 6 new sexual positions over the next 2 weeks? Or they have a goal to plan THE MOST romantic evening their partner could EVER imagine? Or they will learn 4 new places on their lovers body they like to be kissed, stroked, rubbed, or bit?

Not very often.

As we grow up we are not taught how to have a relationship. With the amount of divorces and single parents, it is difficult for kids to learn how to have a loving, long-term relationship because kids learn these things by example.

Again, I am not judging, just stating facts. I don’t know what has happened in people’s lives to bring them to the place that they are. We all make our own decisions and mistakes. I am not placing blame on anyone.

I am just suggesting that if couples would challenge them self or each other to learn more about love, making love and living in love, maybe we would have less divorces and single parents.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a house with both my parents. But that does not mean I learned how to have a great relationship with Ole. I am sure my parents loved each other but they didn’t hug and kiss in front of us. Well, Christmas morning, birthdays, that kind of thing they would give each other a little squeeze and kiss.

But my Mom has a temper and I learned how to yell. I learned that is how you argue with your husband (but it’s not the best way for sure). I don’t remember how often Mom would yell at Dad but I guess it was often enough. And then she wouldn’t talk to him after.

In high school, I watched how the kids dated. When I worked in the bars, I watched how people, lovers, treated each other. I wasn’t impressed so I never dated. But that doesn’t mean I never had ‘relationships’ with men. I just didn’t want anything long-term because I didn’t like what I had seen in my family’s relationships or most people around me.

I was fascinated with relationships and sex long before I met Ole and read more books than I can count. It was exciting to try new things. It was interesting to learn about the dynamics of a relationship. And when Ole and I got married, I was even more interested to learn, as was he.

Decide today that you will challenge yourself to learn something exciting, new, interesting, adventurous to bring more joy and love into your relationship. Challenge yourself to be all that you can be in your love affair and then push yourself that little bit extra.

If we put as much effort into our relationships as we do our sports, hobbies or watching TV, we all would have relationships that would grow and flourish into the romance of the century.

Be Bold! Be Brave! Be Adventurous! Challenge yourself to BE MORE in your relationship. The results are worth it.

Passioante regards….Brenda